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I'm abroad but very lonely

  • 01-02-2015 8:05pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone,

    I was wondering if anyone could help me. After graduating, I moved to London because to be frank, I couldn't get a graduate position in Dublin. Luckily, with my last throw of the dice, I secured a graduate position with a big company, albeit not particularly in the field I want. The job is grand, not too taxing, they are paying for a Master's for me, good pension and decent salary. So all seems rosy on the outside.

    The problem is that they moved me to a regional English town where I will be based until next year when I will be moved back to London. To be frank, I am very lonely up here and am finding it hard to make friends or develop a social circle. I can't wait for this year to be over if I'm honest. I have been here 6 months already.

    What are the best ways to combat loneliness in such a situation? I am seriously considering coming home because of it.

    Thanks for all replies.


Comments

  • #2
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    Whereabouts are you? What size is the town? Where's the nearest big city?? What are the transport links like and do you drive?

    I ask this because you have a great opportunity here. Good job, Masters paid for. Pension and salary reasonable. And you'll only be away from London for a year. Plenty of time to explore your options. For instance you could :
    • Invite a colleague/classmate for coffee.
    • Invite someone out to the flicks.
    • I'd go to the local library and have a look at what's on in the area.
    • Is there a craft fair/farmer's market you could go to?
    • Could you check out Meetups.com? Might be a group in the area...
    • If you don't drive, then how about learning to?

    You need to ask yourself this - If you came home, would you get something comparable? The grass isn't always greener, you know. Focus on the positives and I'm sure the situation will improve. It won't be overnight, but you have to put the effort in. People may not know you're far from home and a stranger to the area. Start reaching out a little if you can.

    Hope this helps, and you feel better soon.


  • #3
    The Masculinist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 331 ✭✭The Masculinist


    I feel your pain OP. Having lived inside and outside London I know how you feel. The best piece of advice I can give is to try and meet up with your mates as often as possible by taking trips to London or back home at the weekends. Just my opinion, but I find it is easier said than done to make friends in regional English towns, the people there can be quite introvert.


  • #4
    Littlekittylou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,357 ✭✭✭Littlekittylou


    Building roots takes time. I think find out what makes the place tick and what makes YOU tick. And try and find a way to grow there as a person and make connections.

    I think making connections through how you grow in life. Take a course or join a group about something you believe in. Or make it a rule you try to go out twice a week and talk to others. Get to know neighbours and help your community.

    Find out if you have any connections ..or can someone hook you up with a friend. Do you know anyone who knows anyone there who could meet you a couple of times.

    Take up a sport that works or plays as a team. Then you meet teammates. Volunteer.

    Try hillwalking or groups that do things or meet ups.

    Try discussion groups and debates.

    Good luck!


  • #5
    The Masculinist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 331 ✭✭The Masculinist


    Littlekittylou wrote: »
    Building roots takes time. I think find out what makes the place tick and what makes YOU tick. And try and find a way to grow there as a person and make connections.

    I think making connections through how you grow in life. Take a course or join a group about something you believe in. Or make it a rule you try to go out twice a week and talk to others. Get to know neighbours and help your community.

    Find out if you have any connections ..or can someone hook you up with a friend. Do you know anyone who knows anyone there who could meet you a couple of times.

    Take up a sport that works or plays as a team. Then you meet teammates. Volunteer.

    Try hillwalking or groups that do things or meet ups.

    Try discussion groups and debates.

    Good luck!

    Solid advice. However, having lived in a regional English town as a generally sociable Irish guy, I found it bloody hard to make friends here. People are pretty introvert. Follow the above advice OP but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. You can always arrange a weekend in London with current mates etc. That's what I used to do.


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