Nosey

LegacyUser

Regular poster here but going anon.
My sister is pregnant and due in summer. We are all excited and nobody knows the sex. My brothers fiancé has a bee in her bonet about wanting to know the sex and asked me earlier today to send her the pics so ahe can show her friend who is a sonographor and she will know the sex then but not tell any of us! My sister has no idea she asked me this and I'm afraid to tell her because she will go mad and rightly so but I do not want to cause her added stress right now.

The thing is when she asked me earlier to send her the pics I said oh ya no bother but now I know what she intends to do with them I havent a notion of sending them! So what will I say later if she texts asking for them? She's a lovely girl and I get on great with her but I am so shocked that she asked this!! We were in a room full of people when she said it so I couldn't really tackle her on it I just said something like oh it'll be nice to have it a surprise though but now I'm kicking myself I didn't say more!!

Typer Monkey

Just say something along the lines of 'listen I've been mulling over what you said you were gonna do with the scan pictures and I don't think it's appropriate so I'm not going to send them to you.'

Don't engage any further with her about it. What a nosy so and so! I don't think a sonographer would be able to tell from the usual side on pic anyway would they? I think they need to look from the right angle iykwim!

bee06

Tell her your sister doesn't want anyone to know and you respect her choice and so should little miss nosey Parker.

LynnGrace

I'd be so tempted to send her spoof pictures.

Anyway, no way would I be sending her anything.
Just say that your sister wouldn't be happy with it. End of. I genuinely can't even begin to understand that level of intrusiveness into someone else's private business.

ABajaninCork

Just tell her to mind her own bloody business!! Honestly - Some people have no idea of boundaries...

athtrasna

That's absolutely unacceptable behaviour. I wouldn't even be polite in telling her it's none of her business.

deise08

Could there be the chance that she will be able to get a pic from the mum to be?
I mean could she ask for a pic and unwittingly the mum to be would send it to herself? Delighted to be asked to show the pic, but unaware what would happen afterwards?

Matteroffact

Just say that you feel it is not your place to send a photo and if she wants one then ask the pregnant woman herself.

StripedBoxers

deise08 wrote: »

Could there be the chance that she will be able to get a pic from the mum to be?
I mean could she ask for a pic and unwittingly the mum to be would send it to herself? Delighted to be asked to show the pic, but unaware what would happen afterwards?

I thought the same thing.

If I was in your position OP, I would tell your sister what your sister-in-law has asked/said and let her make a decision on whether she would want to sent the SIL pictures in future.

I'm shocked at how utterly nosy and intrusive she is being. She needs to be told, bluntly, to mind her own business and wait.

Big Bag of Chips

How did the room full of people react when she asked you?! I'd just say nothing now, and if she asks again laugh and say "you weren't serious, were you?". If she pushes tell her it'd be more than your life's worth to send her pictures behind your sister's back.

I'd say she won't give up without a fight though!

Mr. J

I don't think I can post links yet. But if you Google-image the words "sonogram middle finger" and send her the image 5th from the left - that would be so epic!!

ladygirl

I would tell your sister. If your sis in law is unable to get a pic from you, she will probably be able to get it quiet easily from your brother (if your sis has sent it to him) at least if you tell your sister - she will be fully informed and will be able to limit any further sending of pics to anyone.

Horribly nosey thing to do from your sis in law.. Absolutely none of her business..

Neyite

I didn't tell anyone the gender of my baby and I would have been furious if someone was that intrusive as to go that far! For now, 'forget' to send it, until reminded and fob her off. And maybe let the dad-to-be know so he can find a way to prevent your sister sending them.

Usually the scan photo is a side view, the most discernable baby shape they can print, or a face close up. In order to check gender, they'd have to get right up in there, and its only possible when the baby is in an obliging position. They only hand out one or two photos from all their measurements, so its highly unlikely that they'd hand out a picture of the baby's undercarriage because people want the ones from the opposite angle - a close up of the face or the side view of the body of the baby.

If she insisted, I would send her spoof ones, but I'm mischievous like that - an animal ultrasound or something. And then tell your sister that while you don't think that she would go as far as to show her sonographer friend, you decided to send a fake one, and have a laugh about it.

Do you know the sonographer friend? I'd like to think that they would remember that what fiancée is sharing is somebody's private medical information and know that commenting on it would be highly unprofessional and inappropriate.

That's also another angle you can take if you think it might work - its highly unfair to put the sonographer friend on the spot and risk her job by commenting. In fact, I don't think they are allowed to discuss a scan except with the mother, even with the father unless its with the mother's permission. In some hospitals they have a ban on disclosing gender so parents have to pay for a private scan to find out. So she might hit a dead end in any case.

Big Bag of Chips

To be honest... I'd tell your sister. If it was my sister I don't think I'd feel right not telling her. I don't think it'll cause war or anything, your sister might be a bit pissed-off but she'll be more pissed-off if it somehow gets back to her that you agreed to send on the pictures to her.

LynnGrace

I think I would too, tell my sister.

I'm still struggling with the idea of someone planning to go to such rounds to find something out that is none of their goddam business. I've heard tons of pregnancy announcements over the years, sisters, sils, friends, neighbours, colleagues...not once would it even cross my mind to ask such a question.

OP, this would make me quite wary,of that person, tbh.
I'd be ready for future nosy parker stuff. 'Why would you need to know that?' said with a smile, throws most nosy parkers, I find.
Or a vague 'I don't know...' puzzled look, as if to say, 'why are you asking'?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. She hasn't text me yet to ask for some pics so I hope she has realised how inappropriate it is in the meantime! Someone here asked me what the room of people said when she said that to me but it was just us two sitting in the corner talking and the others were talking amongst themselves so I don't think anyone heard. It was one of those conversations where you almost don't realise the level of inappropriateness until afterwards and then you kick yourself for not saying something. I told my other sister today and she is shocked. We have agreed not to tell my pregnant sister but now reading the replies of people saying she could ask my sister for pics has me worried because that's exactly like something she could do. She's a nice girl but can be very strong willed and bossy at times.

Dracula!

I would do one of two things you could text her if she asks " I'm not going to send the pictures as I don't think it's appropriate" and then say "Have you seen the new jackets they have in Pennys" something that changes the subject to keep it ok between you and her.
You could also just ignore the question and see if it fades away. If she is bossy though she may need a direct no but then move to something else to talk about without over explaining yourself. In law stuff can be tricky !

athtrasna

I think your sister deserves to know. Forewarned is forearmed!

Big Bag of Chips

Why wouldn't you tell your sister? Is she one for hysterics and drama? Do her and sil not get on very well? If not then why not tell her... She's pregnant. There's nothing wrong with her!! Now 2 of her sisters know and she still doesn't. If your sil succeeds in her plan your sister is the one going to be affected, nobody else. And if she ever knew that 2 of you knew and said nothing it could damage your relationship.

I'm just curious as to the reasoning behind not telling her. Just ask yourself if it was you, would you want your sisters to tell you?

LegacyUser

I am having doubts about telling her because sometimes she can fly off the handled at little things. I've no doubt that she'd be hugely insulted and she would hold a grudge. She's also in the middle of planning a wedding and is starting a new position in work this week too. I'll probably tell her though because you are right it's not right to keep it from her and I wouldnt like it kept from me. Would it be ok to say something like "if so and so asks for a pic of the scan I wouldn't send it if I were you sure isnt her friend a sonographor you wouldn't know what she would do with it, she can be nosey at times"...

rainbowtrout

Username43 wrote: »

I am having doubts about telling her because sometimes she can fly off the handled at little things. I've no doubt that she'd be hugely insulted and she would hold a grudge. She's also in the middle of planning a wedding and is starting a new position in work this week too. I'll probably tell her though because you are right it's not right to keep it from her and I wouldnt like it kept from me. Would it be ok to say something like "if so and so asks for a pic of the scan I wouldn't send it if I were you sure isnt her friend a sonographor you wouldn't know what she would do with it, she can be nosey at times"...

Just say something like 'Just want to give you the heads up that Mary* asked me for a copy of your scans cos she wants to know what sex the baby is and she was going to show them to a sonographer, but i know you want to keep it a surprise until the birth, in case you get a text off her'.