housemate's boyfriend / bills

cactusgal

Hi all,

Not sure if this belongs in Accommodation or PI, mods feel free to move if necessary.

I'll keep it brief. I live in a lovely 2 bed house with the owner. Both 30s, didn't know each other before but have always got on well. I've lived here for 1.5 yrs and my current lease is up in Sep. I was very happy with my living situation until recently. My housemate has had a boyfriend now since late summer and he is here all the time. He lives with his parents still, so they can never go over there. She and I share a wall. It's very thin, so I can hear everything when he's there Hence, whenever he stays over, I sleep on the couch or at my boyfriend's. I never have my bf over bc he has his own place.

This is not an ideal situation, obviously. I spoke to her about it early on, but she said he hasn't been able to find a place. I was away over Christmas for 3.5 weeks, and since I've been back, he is a constant presence. What's annoying me now is that we just got our gas and electric bill from the last 2 months. I was gone for nearly half of that time, but she expects me to pay for half of the bills. I know that's all part of renting, but it's just a crap situation bc I feel like I'm sharing with a couple. I'm sure he was here the whole time I was gone but he's not paying for anything

I know I need to talk to her again about having him over so often, but should i bring up the bill issue, or do I just need to get over it? I have looked for 1 bed places, but they are extremely expensive and not nice. I would rather stay here, if possible!

Thanks for your thoughts.

P_Cash

cactusgal wrote: »

Hi all,

Not sure if this belongs in Accommodation or PI, mods feel free to move if necessary.

I'll keep it brief. I live in a lovely 2 bed house with the owner. Both 30s, didn't know each other before but have always got on well. I've lived here for 1.5 yrs and my current lease is up in Sep. I was very happy with my living situation until recently. My housemate has had a boyfriend now since late summer and he is here all the time. He lives with his parents still, so they can never go over there. She and I share a wall. It's very thin, so I can hear everything when he's there Hence, whenever he stays over, I sleep on the couch or at my boyfriend's. I never have my bf over bc he has his own place.

This is not an ideal situation, obviously. I spoke to her about it early on, but she said he hasn't been able to find a place. I was away over Christmas for 3.5 weeks, and since I've been back, he is a constant presence. What's annoying me now is that we just got our gas and electric bill from the last 2 months. I was gone for nearly half of that time, but she expects me to pay for half of the bills. I know that's all part of renting, but it's just a crap situation bc I feel like I'm sharing with a couple. I'm sure he was here the whole time I was gone but he's not paying for anything

I know I need to talk to her again about having him over so often, but should i bring up the bill issue, or do I just need to get over it? I have looked for 1 bed places, but they are extremely expensive and not nice. I would rather stay here, if possible!

Thanks for your thoughts.

If he's there most of the time, and u are sharing a house with 2 others, then let her divide the bills 3 ways or just leave.

Personally, i hated renting,

You could be told sharing with 2 others, but end up with 5 in the house including partners, . Grand in your 20s, but once u hit 30s it grates on you,

My advise is maybe let yourself and bf get a place, or look yourself. Assuming ur not in a city

Rubberchikken

try hard to get your own place. this is already bugging you and it will get even more annoying over time. they don't seem to be willing to think about how a third party is affected by them and it will, if left go, really start to get to you. no accommodation is worth that.

good luck

qwerty1991

Hi OP,

I've been in this situation before, it sucks. I would insist on splitting that last bill 3 ways, even if she insists he isn't there fulltime, he sounds like he is there enough to be contributing.

It doesn't sound like he is making much effort to find his own place if he hasn't done so yet. Look at it from his perspective:

Back home to mammy and daddy to store all his major belongings, get food, clothes washed etc. and then getting to stay in his girlfriend's nice house, rent free, as much as he likes. So he has the comfort of his home house and the freedom of living with his girlfriend without the commitment of actually 'moving in''. On top of this he is not having to pay a penny. Why would he look for his own place?

I would say it to your housemate that you want bills split 3 ways and explain why reasonably. As she owns the house, I am not sure you can insist on her boyfriend paying rent, but you could ask for your rent to be reduced as now you are sharing with a couple which is not what you signed up for. You now have to share the fridge, living space etc.

Good luck OP!

seventeen sheep

Bear in mind that living in an owner-occupied place means that you have none of the rights of a tenant, you are a licensee and she can pretty much kick you out at a moments notice (lease or no lease.) I've lived with owner occupiers myself and there are certainly advantages (usually lower rent for a nicer better-maintained place), however you're certainly not on an equal footing with them when it comes to this sort of thing.

To be honest, since you've said that you'd rather stay in the place for now, I don't think there's any real point in looking for him to share the bills. It sucks, I know, but if it's important to you to stay there, I think you'll just have to put up with it.

In your position, however, I would not sleep on the couch when he stays over. If they are having noisy sex - as a once off, I'd stick in earphones and ignore it - but as it's happening regularly, I would make a point of staying in your bedroom and making a phone call while they're at it, or tidying your room, or doing anything really to make a bit of (normal) noise - to make them realise that, if they can hear you, you can most certainly hear them!

The obvious longer-term solutions would be to a) Move in with your boyfriend b) Move into a houseshare with friends c) Move into a houseshare with 1-2 strangers.

cactusgal

Hi all,

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate it. It's a frustrating situation. My relationship with my boyfriend is still new, and while it's going great and I'd love for us to live together in the future, I'm not in a rush to do so now, as I'm happy with the relationship and the pace that it's going and I don't want to rush into moving in together just because I'm unsatisfied with my current situation. I'm in Dublin and the prices for 1 beds are so ridiculous at the moment. But yes, I will talk to her again, though I feel weird having to bring up the money. I wish I'd said something about it before going home for Christmas. @querty, you are right on the money, he's got the absolute best of both worlds, and though he's nearly 40, he seems in no rush to get his own place. >:(

Thanks again for your thoughts!!

Penny Tration

I'd tell her straight out that you can't sleep because of the noise of them having sex.

Might embarrass her into quietening down.

Stavro Mueller

Realistically you're on a hiding to nothing because of the owner occupier thing. Your landlady's choosing to have her boyfriend come stay so often and she might take the view that it's her house and she can have whoever she wants in there. You had a conversation about him being there in the early days and you said you're intending to bring it up again. That being the case, it'd be worth having another one re. the bills over Christmas. You are gradually being nudged out though. Already you're sleeping in the sitting room or going over to your boyfriend's to avoid the happy couple.
Personally I'd start looking around now for some place else. Even a house share in the short term even though I get the impression that you'd prefer a one bedroomed place. No matter how nice this house is, things aren't going to be the same now that this fella's around.

MagicMarker

I'd give her a taste of her own medicine. Get your bf over and have at it like rabbits. Nothing else you can do really.

LynnGrace

I agree with posters saying don't be going and sleeping on a couch, while paying rent and bills there.

I'd agree with playing music or something in the room to drown out noise.
He has not a notion of moving out, this is a perfect set up from his point of view.
I'd suggest chatting to her again about the bills.

I know you would prefer not to have to move, but honestly, your best bet would be to get out.

mikemac1

When they are finished shout through the thin wall your marks out of 10

Amazing performances get high scores and a round of applause while poor performances get a derisory "is that it?"

You won't hear from them again