Abusive ex invited me to his wedding?

Lau2976

An ex of mine got arrested a few years ago because of me, has been out a prison about a year and is getting married. I feel bad for the poor girl but she knows his past and it certainly isn't my place to comment. But I got an invite to their wedding and it's majorly creeped me out. I moved because of him and now I know he knows where I live (I moved to the other side of the city centre) and I'm not sure how. Am I being ridiculous in not feeling comfortable here now?

LegacyUser

Lau2976 wrote: »

An ex of mine got arrested a few years ago because of me, has been out a prison about a year and is getting married. I feel bad for the poor girl but she knows his past and it certainly isn't my place to comment. But I got an invite to their wedding and it's majorly creeped me out. I moved because of him and now I know he knows where I live (I moved to the other side of the city centre) and I'm not sure how. Am I being ridiculous in not feeling comfortable here now?

I'd feel pretty uncomfortable in that situation too OP. Why on earth would he think you'd want to go to his wedding for starters. It serves no purpose other than an attempt to demean you. as for not feeling safe at him knowing your address I think only you can judge that OP as you're the only one who knows what kind of person this guy is and what he's capable of. If you genuinely think there's a risk he could harm you then I think I'd be looking for a new place to live and contacting the guards.

seventeen sheep

Lau2976 wrote: »

An ex of mine got arrested a few years ago because of me, has been out a prison about a year and is getting married. I feel bad for the poor girl but she knows his past and it certainly isn't my place to comment. But I got an invite to their wedding and it's majorly creeped me out. I moved because of him and now I know he knows where I live (I moved to the other side of the city centre) and I'm not sure how. Am I being ridiculous in not feeling comfortable here now?

Honestly I'd be feeling a bit freaked out too. Can you ask around family and friends and see if anyone has any idea how he got your address? I understand you feel uncomfortable, but no point even thinking about moving unless you know how he got your address. It could have been innocently given to him by a friend who wasn't aware of your past.

It's very strange behaviour, and in your position, I know I'd be wondering whether he was attempting to send me some sort of a message.

Saralee4

Do you think the intention was to make amends? Or to say "I know where you live and by the way I'm also getting married"

I find it weird. If he was trying to resolve things with you then you would send an apology but here whatever he is doing seems like he is trying to open the door to see if you are responsive. Obviously he'd be abusive again.

desbrook

Was the arrival of the invitation the first you knew of him getting married? My point is that if you know lots about his life iincluding how much his future wife knows about his past he could easily know something basic like your address. I'd be thinking it's just a crude way of them both saying they are moving on. Relax and reply that you can't go. Send a token gift even though you don't have to.

One important point - unless you lied he didn't go to prison because of you. He went to prison because of his actions. End of.

Keane2baMused

Very strange.

OP if there is no way this guy could have found your address from someone you know, frankly I would be taking a trip to your local garda station and just get their advice.

Obviously he's a nasty piece of work, that would freak me out I wouldn't want to just ignore it.

Markcheese

Don't take too much notice of it- if it's a big do and you know his new fiancée a little, she may have invited you. (Must be very needy if she's marrying a thug ) probably not hard to get your address from well meaning friends/family...
Reply nicely that your not going , if you have a contact, liaison or something in the gards then let them know and ask advice, check your personal security (locks, where you park ect.) and then forget about it-

desbrook

desbrook wrote: »

Was the arrival of the invitation the first you knew of him getting married? My point is that if you know lots about his life iincluding how much his future wife knows about his past he could easily know something basic like your address. I'd be thinking it's just a crude way of them both saying they are moving on. Relax and reply that you can't go. Send a token gift even though you don't have to.

One important point - unless you lied he didn't go to prison because of you. He went to prison because of his actions. End of.

I wouldn't be sending a token gift to a person that abused me

FactCheck

Absolutely do not buy a gift. Or RSVP or contact them in any way.

I think people are underestimating the severity of the physical abuse he must have inflicted on you if he served a custodial sentence for it.

I think you should contact somebody professional - depending on what happened before, perhaps the guard who handled your case? Or you could contact Women's Aid for advice. Did they help you before? They will advise on abusive exes too, you don't have to still be in the relationship.

keithclancy

Dump it in the bin and spend no more time thinking about it.

He doesn't have a place in your life anymore so keep it that way.

Taltos

OP

As you already have a thread open on this in TLL I am closing this one.

Thanks
Taltos