Battling with depression

LegacyUser

Not sure where to post this so apologies if it's in the wrong section.

I'm 28 and really battling with depression at the moment. So much so that I'm question my existence.

It's affected my studies and education for as long as I can remember. To such a degree where I just couldn't get motivated to pursue 3rd level, I didn't want to face into college life, I wouldn't want to get out of bed in the morning, and now that has gone to such an extent that I'm so far behind my friends and people I know on the career ladder that I'm just embarrassed and depressed about it.

I have a job although there's no career progression and it's pretty poor wages, nothing that could support a family or pay part of a mortgage. I live at home with my parents as paying rent would mean I'd have no car or social life.

I have a great girlfriend and things between us are great. We get on well and really enjoy each others company. She has no idea what I'm going through and to be honest I feel like if i opened up she would think i am a loser. She's not the judgmental type and couldn't be a nicer person but I feel like any woman would look at me differently if they saw the real me or my situation. She could have any guy she wanted, I'm not just saying that, she genuinely could, so why would she want an uneducated, low earning man who has no future prospects.

From the outside I think everyone would think I'm a happy with life kind of guy, I have a big circle of friends that I'm always with but I haven't shown this side to anyone before, this is the first time I am opening up about it.

I have so many regrets in regards to my education, I wish I had gone to college at 18 like all my friends who are now in established jobs earning decent wages and that are set to only increase. While there's not been much of a difference between earnings till now, in the past year they have all started to get increases and I can only imagine where they will be at in 3-4 years time in comparison. They'll all be buying houses, new cars while I'll probably still be living at home with my parents. I'm at a stage now where if I do go back to college it'll take 8-10 years before I start being able to provide a proper kind of life for myself or anybody else.

When I read back on this in the 3rd person I think, "what a dramatic, feeling sorry for himself sap". I know that's how it reads but it's honestly how I feel, I tell myself things will work out but inevitably after a day, maybe a week I fall back into it, feeling like there is no way out.

I'm sorry if it read wrong, it's hard to articulate what's going on inside my head and I'm also sorry if I've unloaded this in the wrong section or even the wrong site, apologies to anyone who might have read this and put a damper on their day. I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had this. A feeling of worthless-ness, seeing all your friends thrive and your own life stagnate or receed with the feeling that there's no way out, not for another 8-10 years anyway. I look at how well my friends and everyone I know are doing and I feel like such a failure