He doesn't get why I'm moving in my career

LegacyUser

Right a bit of background, my OH and I have always had a massive discrepancy in salary (3 times), but he lives in a house funded by his company to an extent and I pick up bills like groceries internet, sky, bins etc, he also works from home.


In fairness to him, he just wants to be a regular PAYE joe and I've no issue with him doing that or what he earns but he's slow to progress this, despite being very unhappy where he is which is a family run business who essentially treat him like dirt.

However, at the level I work at, I've been headhunted for my last two jobs and now been approached to help develop an 18 month old startup with a guaranteed salary of 81k and a bonus/profit sharing structure of 110k

He appears to be extremely resentful that I'm moving on again, potentially to do better, and hasn't even congratulated me, but instead endlessly questions what I am doing.

I'm not happy where I am now work wise, but leaving in such a way that I will be welcomed back and have been told as much, and have gotten to the point after a few months of belittlement of wondering if anyone who would take me on is crazy, let alone anyone who takes me on to help develop a business, and am wondering if the OH is essentially projecting his issues to me?

Do I sound gaga?

Meathlass

No, you sound perfectly normal. I'm not even sure what you've given yourself the username 'careermad'.

Has he said what his issue with your new job is? Will you be away from home travelling or working long hours?

He seems stuck and demotivated and resentful of your ability to progress.

Sounds perfectly normal to me, op, and I'd be pretty annoyed if your partner can't even say congrats. He doesn't have to share your goals in order to be happy for you when you meet them and are feeling more fulfilled.

LegacyUser

First off congratulations on the new job. How long have you guys been dating? Has there always been a slight resentment on his part on the fact you earn more or have you only noticed this recently?
From your post he seems quiet jealous and unsupportive of your career progression. Its also very mean on his part not to have congratulated you on this great work opportunity.

Fair enough he is happy to stay and work in the family business that is making him miserable but thats no reason why he should take his crap out on you.

He should be delighted for you and support you in your career progression not putting you down so much that you suddenly start to doubt jezus am I really that good at my job that somebody has headhunted me.

LegacyUser

careermad wrote: »

I've been headhunted for my last two jobs and now been approached to help develop an 18 month old startup with a guaranteed salary of 81k and a bonus/profit sharing structure of 110k
....have gotten to the point after a few months of belittlement of wondering if anyone who would take me on is crazy, let alone anyone who takes me on to help develop a business

NOONE takes a punt on any old randomer to the tune of that sort of money. You're clearly worth it!!!
The situation with your OH isn't going to get any better....nip this in the bud now, either with talking/counselling....it's not easy for a guy not to be "the top dog" financially, it takes a very strong man to handle being with a successful woman. That's no reason for you to quit though!

Witchie

How is your relationship otherwise?

I ask because I was in a similar situation, although not money wise, I just loved my job and really was very happy going to work each day while my then hubby hated his job and would take it out on me all time that I would come home so happy.

I ended up giving up the job and moving to the countryside to try and give our marriage a go and it failed.

Now looking back that I can see that a part of his problem was that he felt that while I was working in a job I loved, I wasn't dependant on him for all my happiness and that killed him. He like to be in control of me. This part of my life he couldn't control so he ruined it for me.

Are there other things that niggle about the way he treats you? Is he nasty or snide about other aspects of your life?

Go enjoy your new job and if he can't handle that, that is his problem and I would make sure he knew you were not accepting begrudgery from him and he either shape up or ship out.

LegacyUser

We're together almost seven years. Every new years bar the first we were leaving this house.
He's a tendancy to boil up emotions and take them out on me.

However he is a very loving partner, usually supportive of me, but does take his frustrations out by being critical where he can. Were he not in the position he is in work wise I suspect that would change, and today he discovered he may lose his job.

That aside he is enormously proud of me, tbh I'm not sure why, is very loving and caring in small ways like a treat coffee in bed on a Sunday, or like today I say something I'd like that is an afternoon away so that's what we are doing for the weekendl

I'm incredibly driven when it comes to work, at the moment I'm working 14 hour days for a finite period and for a reason.

he's not and sees no reward in it, then hears that I'll save net, what he'll earn this year and it rankles but he doesn't correlate it to having the sky plus/multiroom/good health insurance etc

I guess we just need to sit down and talk.

He's very worried right now about his job as it affects his security at home, so he spent tonight talking which was good for us and we'll deal with it

I think tbh as one poster put it, he finds it hard to deal with, he's never paid for any of the holidays we've been on bar petrol and the odd meal

thanks for the responses it's made me think and for the positive

Thread can be closed if that's ok and noticed by the mods