Is There anything wrong with this

LegacyUser

i want every1s honest answer on this...... Im 29 year old girl and ive being going out with my boyfriend for over a year who is 19... at the time we started dating he said he was 25 and i believed him anyway i finally found out his real age 4 months into it and i was shocked but i had falling for him big time to be honest this is the first time ive ever gone out with someone in a serious way.. the thing is he is the mature one and he acts twice his age i still feel like im in my teens he works full time and his more mature then any1 ive ever met his family dont know my age and i stay around there a good bit this kind of makes me feel uneasy. Everyone says i looks 23 or less still very young looking.. i brought him to a family wedding he got on great with everyone we look around the same age if anything i look younger but still i feel as if im doing something wrong this is the best ive ever felt in life and we are thinking of moving in together soon... will the age thing effect us in years to come

ash23

It really depends on what you both want in the future. Will you be wanting kids in the next few years? Will he be ready to be a dad at 24?

There's no issue with an age gap if both people want the same thing from the relationship but realistically as a woman in your 30s, if you want children, you'll probably want to start a family in the next five years or so.
But he's 19 so he might not want that.

Best to have a talk with him about the future and what he sees for himself and see if it is the same as you or if you're going to hit a problem in the next few years.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Tokyo

You say he's mature, yet he wasn't mature enough to tell you his real age for four months of your relationship....

That aside, you really do need to talk about what you both want in the next few years - an honest talk, not just him agreeing with you to keep you happy, or you saying things like settling down, marriage or children aren't important if they are. The age difference itself isn't important, but what your respective ages might bring to the table for both of you is very much so. If he plans to travel, enjoy life for the next few years and not settle down until his 30's, and you are looking to settle down, have children and so on much sooner, then these are obviously big issues...

skallywag

I would advise being very cautious with your expectations here OP, people can change in extraordinary ways from late teenage years to late 20s. As cynical as it sounds he may also well begin to lose interest in you as you enter your 40s etc ...

LegacyUser

To be honest i really have no interest in having kids and dont think il ever want to have kids at the moment he says he never wants to have kids either.. Our best friends are going out with each other he is 31 and she is 41 and they are going out for two years now but our age difference seems alot more because his age somethimes i just think 19 is so young.. before me he was going out with a girl for 4 years and she is 19 but he said she was childish and loves the age i am

Matteroffact

I just think that at his age this does make a difference. Ten years would be okay if you were 39 and he was 29, but I would be wary of him only being 19. You could just enjoy the relationship for what it is at this point in time but if you want a relationship with a future then I wouldn't go there.

Saralee4

sometimes i see 19 year olds that i used to babysit on facebook and i just think they are so young. even the posts they put up and the things they are interested in. You say that you two kind of meet in between there so at the moment there is no issue there

I have to say from 25 to 31 i have changed so much and well from 19 to who i am now i wouldn't even recognise myself. people do change a lot but then you have people who are together for years and the same age and one gets a midlife crisis and leaves the other for someone much younger.

I don't know op, its something that you have to consider yourself.

My only thing would be that you are going to change and so is he. But for him, if he does change, it will not have that much effect on him in the long run.

If you stay together for say, five years and then decide you are both in a different place, it doesn't really have any impact on him. he can still go and have children but in five years time, for you to be starting again and if you change your mind and do want children then you are going to find this difficult.

Also a 30 year old should be looking to buy a house and invest, where a 19 year old is probably not going to be able to make that kind of commitment responsibly or financially.

I think there are just a lot of differences between a 19 year old and 29 year old that you might not be able to see because your blinded a bit by it at the moment.

A positive, attractive, physically active 19 year old is going to be very exciting and overwhelming and probably makes you feel that way more so when he's around but the fact is that you are 29 even if you don't look it.

LegacyUser

well at thirty i am just leaving home now and thinking of getting a flat i moved out before for a few years but with the job im in i couldnt afford to rent in The city so there will be no way il be buying a house any time soon he earns more money then i do his in a good job.. well if we did stay together for 5 years id be 34 i wouldnt call that the end of the road... i know i dont want kids and im not going to change my mind on that but is there any reason we couldnt be together for life thats what im wondering and is it wrong for his family not to know when im staying over a lot i dont think they would be over the moon to find out the age difference them things worry me

Saralee4

beeline 29 wrote: »

well at thirty i am just leaving home now and thinking of getting a flat i moved out before for a few years but with the job im in i couldnt afford to rent in The city so there will be no way il be buying a house any time soon he earns more money then i do his in a good job.. well if we did stay together for 5 years id be 34 i wouldnt call that the end of the road... i know i dont want kids and im not going to change my mind on that but is there any reason we couldnt be together for life thats what im wondering and is it wrong for his family not to know when im staying over a lot i dont think they would be over the moon to find out the age difference them things worry me

34 years old of course is not the end of the road but if you were to finish a relationship at 34 years old, by the time you get in another relationship and decided to have children then that would probably be another 2-3 years down the line and coming up to your forties.

Anyway you are dead cert that you don't want children. I don't see what the problem is though or what advice you are looking for? Lots of people have problems with their partners family (which you don't have yet, you are just speculating). Ultimately if you are comfortable and confident in your relationship yourself then you just face obstacles together and you would know that if there was an issue with the family that you would overcome that.

LegacyUser

i was just looking to see what others think on the matter and has any1 else being in the same situation and if it worked out or not.... i wanted to see if others think its wrong and be annoyed if they found out there 19 year old brother or son was seeing a 29 year old....

ash23

beeline 29 wrote: »

i was just looking to see what others think on the matter and has any1 else being in the same situation and if it worked out or not.... i wanted to see if others think its wrong and be annoyed if they found out there 19 year old brother or son was seeing a 29 year old....

Truthfully if I were to find out my 19 year old daughter were dating a 29 year old man I wouldn't be very happy about it. As mentioned above, a 29 year old with a 39 year old isn't a big deal. Even though the age gap is the same, the difference is much bigger.

To me a 19 year old is not really a fully fledged adult. I'd worry that my 19 year old being with a 29 year old would mean they miss out on all the things I'd like them to be doing in their 20s. Your early 20s should be fun and carefree and I'm not sure someone in their late 20s would be ok with all of that.

Of course, it would also depend on each of the people involved and depend on what they want from life etc etc. But yes, I can completely understand if his family have concerns or object when they find out.

JeffKenna

beeline 29 wrote: »

i was just looking to see what others think on the matter and has any1 else being in the same situation and if it worked out or not.... i wanted to see if others think its wrong and be annoyed if they found out there 19 year old brother or son was seeing a 29 year old....

It really depends on the two people involved. Personally if it were someone I know at that age I would encourage them to live their life a bit. You may have seen the world/travelled etc what if he wants to do that in 2 or 3 years time. What if he wants to go on a J1, will you/the relationship be able to sustain that? Granted he may not want these things now but I would be worried he will in the future.

leanonme

To be honest it very much depends on the two people involved. I would not judge it on his age as I would the type of person he is, and you are and what you want for the next few years.

I was 17 when I met my Partner/BF, he was 23. I was heading into my leaving cert, and he was working away in a job he hated. Since then I went to college for four years, where I only came home at the weekends, he went back to college, we have both spent time unemployed together, and are now both working, and are hoping to buy a house soon. Currently I am 24 he is 30. The thing with both of us is neither of us have the desire to spent time travelling. but we discused this and things like having children, our future, jobs, areas to live, etc.

At the start of our relationship many people made comments about his age etc, but to be honest I never like guys my own age, because for my age I was mature and didnt like the behaviours of most guys my age, and that could be the same with your other half.

I think you need to discuss with him what he wants. May be he wants to settle down etc, or maybe thats not the life you want and you would be happy to travel. It really just depends on the two of you and what you want from life.

cactusgal

I'd not be able to be in a relationship with someone who lied to me about something as important as age. But that's just me. Everyone's standards are different, so if you're happy in the relationship, that's the main thing.

ChaosSymbol

beeline 29 wrote: »

i was just looking to see what others think on the matter and has any1 else being in the same situation and if it worked out or not.... i wanted to see if others think its wrong and be annoyed if they found out there 19 year old brother or son was seeing a 29 year old....

This is a tough one for me, because admittedly, if it was reversed I'd have no issue with it. Mainly because I dated someone much older when in my teens and that lasted 5 years. However my younger brother is around that age and I don't think I'd be too happy about him dating someone coming into their 30's. The thing is, women do mature faster than men in most instances and the 'catch up' period is usually between 25-28...

Look if you're happy, I wouldn't over think it. Just go with it and see what happens. Especially if you're not looking for kids etc., there's no real reason to call it quits unless it's not working out for you. Your own opinion is what matters, not the anyone elses.