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sex drive gone

  • 28-01-2015 2:20pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    Me and my partner are in our early 30s, together 4 years. I used to have a very healthy sex drive and lack of any sexual issues all my life, it just wasn't something I ever had problems with.

    When I met my current partner, it became clear that he suffered from psychologically-induced erectile dysfunction. He left it longer than he should to get help, but when he did decide to go I was there all the way. We went to a psychosexual cousellor for over a year together and he is currently on medication. He is about 90% of the way there...

    The problem is that in that time, I've developed a phobia around sex. I get anxious if I think it's on the cards and hate him touching me sometimes. I NEVER think abut sex myself, I have no desire whatsoever. I don't have fantasies, it's like sex doesn't exist.

    I love this man, and want to marry him. I still think he's completely gorgeous, but its like I have no feeling below the waist.

    Its starting to affect him, and is not doing his erectile dysfunction any help at all.

    I've never felt like this in my life. If Ryan Gosling called to the door naked, I'd rather a cup of tea.

    We can't afford anymore counselling. I just don't know what to do.


Comments

  • #2
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Visit your gp to make sure its nothing physical

    If its not you must find the money to get your head right to enjoy a healthy sex life


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi op here,
    There's nothing physically wrong. We dont have any money, nothing at all left over at the end of the week. It's not an option at all


  • #4
    Loughc
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 25,955 Mod ✭✭✭✭Loughc


    hhddgghhhgffh wrote: »
    Hi op here,
    There's nothing physically wrong. We dont have any money, nothing at all left over at the end of the week. It's not an option at all


    Are you feeling stressed? Or worried? Even worrying about Money can have a knock on effect when it comes to the libido.


  • #5
    inocybe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 505 ✭✭✭inocybe


    If you're on any medications, check with your GP if it's a side-effect? It's fairly common with birth control pills, and many antidepressants.


  • #6
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,662 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    When I'm worried about money, my libido drops to zero. I just couldn't be less interested. So, for me, I'd be looking to resolve that situation first.

    Have you always had money worries? Did anything else happen around the time you noticed your libido dropping?


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Faith wrote: »
    When I'm worried about money, my libido drops to zero. I just couldn't be less interested. So, for me, I'd be looking to resolve that situation first.

    Have you always had money worries? Did anything else happen around the time you noticed your libido dropping?

    Hi all,
    Thanks for all your replies. We dont have money worries, we just don't have anything spare which is why we can't afford counselling anymore. But we don't worry as we get by.
    There's no medical reasons or medication issues at all. This happened during the course of my partner getting treated for erectile dysfunction. Its like it just switched off


  • #8
    LLMMML
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 108 ✭✭LLMMML


    Honestly I've no idea or qualifications to say this but is it possible you're having a female type ED. A lot of men can't perform if they have nerves or feel under pressure and after a few bad encounters this builds up in their head to a phobia type issue. Maybe all this concentration on the sexual aspect of your relationship has done something similar to you?


  • #9
    Greenduck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 303 ✭✭Greenduck


    Hi OP

    I could be completely off the mark here but maybe at some point you're confidence and desire for sex was diminished because your partner couldn't perform.

    All that stress and anxiety that was created for both of you, at a time when you were supposed to be intimate, has sub-consciously sexually traumatised you ( a bit dramatic but I cant think of another word for it). In a way, you're lack of sexual desire might stem from how hurt, stressed or upset his condition made you at the time? It was all him and his issues and your needs might have been overlooked as such. It might have got to a point where you've shut yourself off from that aspect of yourself in order to self preserve, i.e. not go through that bad time again.

    This might be something you have to put a bit of effort into, even if you have no want or need for it. Maybe start by being intimate, without the sex and see how you get on. Turn the tv off and try to reconnect. Baths together, Cuddles, touching etc..try and get that physical connection back. If you are on the pill, try a break from it as supposedly it can have an effect.


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