Bribery?

LegacyUser

Hi, am uncomfortable with something that happened today. I am female and in a relationship. I am in financial difficulties at the moment (my own fault) and I owe quite a lot of money. A friend of my partner (a good friend) is in a position to save me about €1500 which would be a huge burden lifted from me. Thing is he asked me for a favour in return, a sexual favour. I am very hurt and sickened by his suggestion and I told him so. But I wonder should I tell my partner? He has young children so I do not want to upset his family life but I will find it awkward to socialise in this man's company and my partner may notice a coolness. Should I tell my partner? My gut instinct is no but this has really upset me and I cannot feel the same about this man. I would like other people's view on it.

Merkin

Of course you should tell your partner. I'm sure he'd want to know how much one of his 'best' friends respects both of you.

Little Acorn

Absolutely tell your partner! I would tell his partner too if he had one. As for you worrying about upsetting his family life, well **** him. He should have thought of that and didn't seem too worried about them himself when he acted like a dirtbag towards you. :mad:

Does your partner know you are in financial difficulties? Does your partner know that you asked his friend for money/ or that your friend offered money?

Darren 83

I'd tell your partner but it will be your word against him. Please don't do what the so called friend wants I can see bribary turning into blackmail.

Maybe give MABS a call about you're finiancal situation.

Dutchess

Little Acorn wrote: »

Absolutely tell your partner! I would tell his partner too if he had one. As for you worrying about upsetting his family life, well **** him. He should have thought of that and didn't seem too worried about them himself when he acted like a dirtbag towards you. :mad:

I think it his her partner, not the friend, with the kids and family life... or maybe I am taking that up wrong.

Definitely tell your partner. He should know who his friends are.

And you don't say he would give you money, rather that he would save you money? What could he do that you or someone decent could not do for you?

username000

Definitely tell your partner, also tell the "friends" partner.

And if you want to give him a right fright, remind him that it is a crime in Ireland to solicit sexual services for money so you are within your rights to report him to the Guards under the Sexual Offences Act.

LegacyUser

Dutchess wrote: »

I think it his her partner, not the friend, with the kids and family life... or maybe I am taking that up wrong.

Definitely tell your partner. He should know who his friends are.

And you don't say he would give you money, rather that he would save you money? What could he do that you or someone decent could not do for you?

It is the friend with the young family. I don't like the idea of his actions upsetting his family. No he did not offer to give me money. In his line of work he would be in a position to do something for me which would mean I could write off 1500. It is nothing illegal but not really morally correct. It would mean using a legal loophole to save the money.

username000

Should I tell wrote: »

It is the friend with the young family. I don't like the idea of his actions upsetting his family. No he did not offer to give me money. In his line of work he would be in a position to do something for me which would mean I could write off 1500. It is nothing illegal but not really morally correct. It would mean using a legal loophole to save the money.

If the legal loophole exists, why not get someone who isnt trying to bribe you do whatever it is to write off the money?

Tell your partner asap before his 'friend' does since you've turned him down

Dutchess

So I would suggest telling the partner. If my husband was preying on women who were in a tight spot, I'd like to know.

But definitely definitely tell your partner. You don't need this douche in your life.

Amica

of course you should tell your partner. No question about it

Rubberchikken

explain what has happened to your partner. then please avoid this individual.

call MABS to discuss your financial issues.

Big Bag of Chips

Is there any chance that he was messing? That he thought he was being funny but just got it REALLY wrong? I just find it hard to believe that any man would proposition his good friend's partner in return for money and think that she wouldn't mention it.

And yes, of course you should tell your partner. If your friend proposed something similar to him would you want him to tell you about it? If he didn't and you found out some other way, would you wonder why he didn't tell you himself?

As mentioned already, tell him before his friend gets to him with his version.

sabat

I'd actually wait a while before telling your husband if at all-you need the €1500 so if he was just joking or not entirely serious about following up on his demand he'll take care of it anyway. If he still hasn't done anything about it by the next time all 3 of you are together then perhaps say pointedly "Guess what? Jimmy said he can sort out this for us-isn't that great?" That way he'll have to do it whereas telling your husband would almost certainly mean it wouldn't happen. Either way I wouldn't leave this situation without getting the money sorted out.

Toots

Darren 83 wrote: »

I'd tell your partner but it will be your word against him. Please don't do what the so called friend wants I can see bribary turning into blackmail.

Maybe give MABS a call about you're finiancal situation.

+1 if you took this offer, it's pretty much guaranteed that it won't be a one-off sexual favour. Next time it'd be "do xyz or I'll tell your partner that you tried it on with me."

MABS are very good. Also, have you contacted your bank to see if there's anything they can help you do about the debt? Maybe restructure it over a longer term so it's more manageable?

FurBabyMomma

<quoted post removed>

I'd want nothing to do with this man or his so-called help. Whatever you decide to do, make sure to tell your partner what happened before this man tries to turn it on you. Being dishonest with your partner is never the way to go.

CollyFlower

What a scum-bag/great 'friend' tell your partner the proposition he put to you then between you decide how to deal with it.

jimd2

As I said on my posting that mysteriously disappeared, I think that you should tell him that you are going to tell your husband and also say that you are considering telling his wife of his "proposal".

Let him come back to you and apologise or whatever.

He may then offer to do the job that you need with no strings attached and it is then up to you (the OP) to decide whether it is worth it to get your finances sorted out.

If he doesnt come back contrite and offering recompense then I think you should tell your husband and see what he thinks the next steps should be.

HalloweenJack

jimd2 wrote: »

As I said on my posting that mysteriously disappeared, I think that you should tell him that you are going to tell your husband and also say that you are considering telling his wife of his "proposal".

Let him come back to you and apologise or whatever.

He may then offer to do the job that you need with no strings attached and it is then up to you (the OP) to decide whether it is worth it to get your finances sorted out.

If he doesnt come back contrite and offering recompense then I think you should tell your husband and see what he thinks the next steps should be.

This is fine but I assume that the OP's partner knows about the money issues she's having (correct me if I'm wrong). How can she then explain that €1500 has just disappeared from the situation without bringing in the friend and all that?

qt3.14

jimd2 wrote: »

As I said on my posting that mysteriously disappeared, I think that you should tell him that you are going to tell your husband and also say that you are considering telling his wife of his "proposal".

Let him come back to you and apologise or whatever.

He may then offer to do the job that you need with no strings attached and it is then up to you (the OP) to decide whether it is worth it to get your finances sorted out.

If he doesnt come back contrite and offering recompense then I think you should tell your husband and see what he thinks the next steps should be.

Terrible advice.

OP, if you're with someone, this is exactly the kind of thing that you deal with together. Tell your partner asap and the two heads are better than one for figuring out what to do next.

m'lady

I can't imagine not telling my partner about something like this, this is something that could seriously mess up your relationship if this horrible man should feel rejected and decide to talk crap to your other half? Why wouldn't you tell your partner? I can understand not telling the other guys wife to a certain extent though..

ladygirl

Op Tell your partner sooner rather than later.
Failure to do so will only empower his friend to treat you like this again and again, except the next time it will be harder to go to your partner as he will wonder why you didnt come to him on the first instance...

username000

jimd2 wrote: »

As I said on my posting that mysteriously disappeared, I think that you should tell him that you are going to tell your husband and also say that you are considering telling his wife of his "proposal".

So now you think the OP should become a blackmailer?

This is really bad advice. I would have hoped most adults would be past "eye for an eye" type justice.

DeltaWhite

No offence OP but I don't even know why you would question this? The first thing I would do is tell my partner.

deisemum

OP if my partner was in the same position as you and I later find out what had happened and my partner hadn't told me at the time of the incident I'd be wondering what else my partner hasn't told me and why my partner didn't trust me enough to tell me.

Saralee4

Op you should tell your partner.

Its more about your safety and protecting yourself. Someone who would proposition his friends gf like this is not a nice person and obviously would stoop very low to get what he wants.

Since you didn't take the offer, he will be in panic now wondering how or what he can say to make it sound like it was innocent or you picked him up wrong or may even twist it to say that you offered etc.

You need to tell your partner for you. You need to tell him that you don't want to be in this mans company anymore.

Also this 'loophole' , is this something that this guy made up? Is he some kind of expert on this that he could have made it up and it doesn't even exist as a way to get you to sleep with him?

jimd2

username000 wrote: »

So now you think the OP should become a blackmailer?

This is really bad advice. I would have hoped most adults would be past "eye for an eye" type justice.

Not sure about what you are smoking but I was not suggesting that the op "becomes a blackmailer"!

I merely suggested what most on this thread are saying but to inform the guy first and see how he reacts. He could be extremely contrite and beg the OP to reconsider etc. It would be up to the OP to consider what he says. Remember that the OP is in a bad place financially.

We all have done things that we regret and most of us have done things we have regretted and seeked forgiveness. This IS a bad act but lets see if he is contrite and willing to act to demonstrate that.

StripedBoxers

DeltaWhite wrote: »

No offence OP but I don't even know why you would question this? The first thing I would do is tell my partner.

I have to agree with this.

Personally if a friend of my partner's made such a suggestion to me the first thing I would do and the first person I would tell is my partner. Why would you need to question whether or not he should be told.

If it was the other way around and a friend of yours made the same or a similar suggestion to your partner, and they questioned whether or not to tell you, would you not wonder why? Why your partner felt they couldn't/shouldn't tell you?

Is there a genuine reason as to why you feel you can't/won't tell your partner?

Minderbinder

If you feel what he did was very wrong, you should tell your partner and cut all ties with that person. But there's no need to tell his partner as you could be bringing more trouble upon yourself. A man with something to lose is less dangerous than a man with nothing to lose.