6 year old not eating at school

Donalh

Hi, just hoping someone here might have some advice/tips. My 6 year comes home from school every day with a near full lunchbox. Her excuses for not eating range from "its not tasty" to " i don't have time". She get plenty of time but i think maybe she is distracted in that time. I can usually get her to eat most of it when she gets home with a lot of persuasion, encouragement and distraction but its takes ages and is hard going. My main worry is that she goes 5 hours without eating anything substantial. I know she is starving by the time she gets home. I try to give her anything from wholemeal pitta with soft cheese or ham, Strawberry Rice Cakes, Organix Goodies Bars, Ellas Kitchen Bars, Yogurt, Kiwi, Apple, Raisins, blueberries, ginger bread biscuits. I even involve her in packing the lunchbox and let her choose which of the above she wants. Ive tried star charts to encourage her, doesn't work. Does anybody have any suggestions? Any other food to try that isnt complete junk?

heldel00

What if her teacher gently encouraged her? Parents have asked me to do this and it's never a problem.

Donalh

Thanks for the reply heldel00. Great to have a teachers opinion :-)
To be honest I didn't think it was the teachers responsibility, with it being such a large class I thought it might be unrealistic for the teacher to encourage her each day. Also my daughter tells me that the teacher leaves the room when they are eating and only the SNA stays (from the mouth of a 6 year old so i dont know if this is entirely true). I suppose i could ask at the next opportunity.
A quick question - what do you typically see packed in kids lunchboxes these days, do you have any tastier healthy suggestions than what i currently pack for her? Really appreciate any advice.. thks

How Strange

What does she eat for breakfast? Could you make sure she has a big breakfast. 5 hours isn't that long to go without food so at least a substantial breakfast would ensure she wouldn't get hungry until she gets home.

Donalh

She would eat a bowl of porridge in the morning. Have offered her fruit/toast as well but she seems pretty full with the porridge. The thing is she is absolutely ravenous when she gets home.. if she were allowed to eat not-so-healthy food she would literally eat all around her for about 2-3 hrs after school.

the_syco

Have you kept a log of what she eats when she comes home, and try to introduce that in the lunchbox?

Donalh

Well I make her eat most the contents of the lunchbox when she gets home but i have to stand over her, it takes a lot of time, patience and encouragement and is very hard going. I am not happy about her not eating for 5 hours especially when she is at school and needs the energy. Also its not practical for me standing over her encouraging her with every morsel each day when she gets home. It would be so much easier to give her junk in her lunchbox and im sure she would devour every last bit, but i really want her to eat good food.

ch750536

Donalh wrote: »

Well I make her eat most the contents of the lunchbox when she gets home

Does that sound healthy?

Take a step back. Does she look fit & healthy? Is she doing OK? If so then why force her to eat? Kids are weird but generally it's adults that make them weirder.

Like standing over them and making them eat their lunch when they get home...

Slicemeister

I think the more you make of it the worse it'll get OP.5 hours after a good breakfast isn't all that bad. I'd give her a token lunchbox until she looked for more.

From my own experience and porridge, standing over her while making her eat it is a no no imo.

seventeen sheep

I absolutely wouldn't go forcing her to eat her leftover lunch when she gets home. Offer it to her as a snack, absolutely, but forcing a child to eat anything is not going to encourage a healthy relationship with food.

If I were you I'd take a step back and stop making such a fuss about it. Don't be afraid to speak to her teacher about your concerns, but what I'd be asking the teacher is whether they are given a good solid ten minutes sitting at their desks, with conversation kept to a minimum, to eat their lunches. Before they're allowed to go and play. I've done a bit of substitute teaching in different primary schools, and that's always the way it was done. I wouldn't ask the teacher to specifically encourage her to eat her lunch, or to pay her any extra attention in relation to it.

I would bring her shopping with you and encourage her to pick out healthy food for lunch. If she's suggesting unhealthy foods, use the opportunity to discuss with her why those foods are unhealthy and should only be eaten as an occasional treat. You could make it a game, to see what lunches she can help put together that are healthy and filling and tasty at the same time. Help her to put her lunch together each day, and if she comes home saying that it wasn't tasty, suggest that she remembers that for next time and takes something else that she will enjoy for lunch.

Are there any particular dinners she enjoys? Plenty of dinners can be eaten cold for lunch the next day, e.g. bolognese, or pasta pesto with veg, etc. No need to stick to the usual sandwiches and fruit etc. Also, you could give her a mini-carton of full-fat milk to have at lunch time, if she'd drink it - high in calories, so it would keep her going for the afternoon, but it wouldn't take long for her to drink , if she's complaining about not having enough time at lunch.

Once she's eating a good substantial breakfast (porridge is great!) and a good evening meal, I wouldn't worry too much if she's not eating much in between. I think the less attention you pay to this, the better - let her take control of her eating as much as possible, encourage her and teach her to actively make decisions about healthy eating, but leave it at that. I'm pretty sure most kids go through fussy phases, but they won't let themselves starve.

pwurple

I would leave it be as well. Children are not going to starve themselves if there is food available. Definitely don't stand over her and make her eat the contents of her lunchbox. That sounds like starting a standoff about food.

I remember I used to be similar in school, wouldn't eat most days, because I was playing and having fun with my friends. My mum used to ask me if I wanted anything different, but I didn't. just wasn't hungry. I grew out of it.

hoodwinked

does she eat things like cheese sandwiches?

my daughter would never touch sandwiches but when she saw others in the class with them she started eating them, just plain white bread, butter and cheese.

also yogurts can be handy, you can change them up with the various yoplait flavours and petit filous? ours wasn't keen on them, so we started her on the chocolate yoplait (not ideal but it got us to the point she now eats mango, strawberry and natural yogurts)


it could be she just doesn't like the taste of the foods you listed?

i know so many adults who wouldn't eat ginger biscuits, they would eat plain digestives, or you could try her with liga/rusk biscuits, just because she's 6 doesn't mean she won't eat them.

How Strange

I don't think 5 hours is a long time without food if she eats a healthy breakfast and she's hungry enough to eat when she comes home.

I agree with everyone else about making the big fuss of having her eat what's in her lunch box. Make a nutritious lunch for her if she's ravenous. Put a banana or a yoghurt or a smoothie in her bag for her break.

I think we assume children have to eat far more than they need to. Children won't starve and they'll look for food if they're hungry.

Vel

I know in my son's school they stress that it is not necessary for the kids to have a big lunch. Today for example he went off with a few crackers with cheese and a packet of raisins. He is a fussy eater so it can be hard to find things for him to eat.

Maybe you could take the same approach initially and just give her one or two things and see if you can build it up if you do indeed feel she should eat a big lunch. My son, despite only getting a small lunch will often come home with only some or none of it eaten and I try not to let it worry me. Without meaning this in a bad way, but there is absolutely no harm in children feeling hungry once it isn't affecting their ability to concentrate, run about etc.

I'm also a believer when it comes to the school lunches of giving him what he wants, within reason, so if its a ham sandwich he is happy with all week than so be it.

Donalh

Thanks for the responses. Very helpful to hear another perspective. Definitely willing to try some of the suggestions above

Day Lewin

Never "make her eat"

Food is NOT the place for emotional pressure.

Instead, ask the child, and pay attention to her answer.

What would she like to eat at lunchbreak, if anything? [and give her that]

Is it possible that schoolfriends are sharing their sweets/candy/crisps etc with her? that she prefers to your "healthy" supplies, and that also fill her up and spoil her appetite (would account for starving when home)

what would she like to eat when she gets home from school? Offer several choices. Respect her decision.

This is not about "spoiling" or indulging a fussy child: it is because letting food become a field for emotional struggles and battles of will is a disastrous scenario that never ends well. You cannot force, only guide. Helpful and supportive gets there where demands and insistence just don't.

Donalh

"make her eat" is probably the wrong way to describe. There are no tears and battles, i mean a use a lot of encouragement and distraction, persuasion but it is hard going and takes time. The school has a policy of no junk so other kids are eating more or less the same as her. ive asked her numerous times what she would like, does she see the other kids eating somethign that looks nice, the answer is always no. I'll try not to get too hung up about it and accept that 5 hrs maybe isnt the end of the world. She is very tied in the afternoon and i guess i as worried about energy levels and conentration. thanks again everyone for the advice

CiboC

I think at this age kids are self regulating, as long as she has a good attitude towards food she is not going to let herself starve and if she is hungry she will let you know!

A big bowl of porridge is a great start to the day and should keep her going for quite a while, i know it does with my two boys. Sometimes they come home with more of their lunch remaining than I would like, but on the other hand they both know what is good and bad to eat and my only questions to them are to find out if they didn't eat something because they didn't like it.

If it's a 'didn't have time' or 'was too busy' excuse I don't worry about it.

heldel00

Donalh wrote: »

Thanks for the reply heldel00. Great to have a teachers opinion :-)
To be honest I didn't think it was the teachers responsibility, with it being such a large class I thought it might be unrealistic for the teacher to encourage her each day. Also my daughter tells me that the teacher leaves the room when they are eating and only the SNA stays (from the mouth of a 6 year old so i dont know if this is entirely true). I suppose i could ask at the next opportunity.
A quick question - what do you typically see packed in kids lunchboxes these days, do you have any tastier healthy suggestions than what i currently pack for her? Really appreciate any advice.. thks

Only getting to reply now donalh. sorry.

Her teacher will not mind at all. Just send in a note and explain.
If teacher is on yard duty then SNA would be with children during eating but unless its a small school that wouldn't be every day.
Typical lunch for 6yr old would be:
- Half sandwich split in two (so 2/4 if you catch my drift)
and 2/3 of the following:
-piece of fruit (usually chopped but some will just eat apple etc as normal. If giving an orange or banana then leave skin on but have it started. Good practice for child.)
-cheesetring?
-yoghurt
-crackers
-ricecakes
(if lunch is too big it can be very off putting and child feels under pressure to stuff themselves and finish all.)

Had a quick look at lunchboxes there and that's typical of my 1st/2nd class. (Some may bring more.)
As people have said 5hrs is not that long so don't worry but it is good to get her into the routine like the others.

It could be the case that she is just mad to get out and play. Doesn't matter how hungry children are or how long the teacher gives them to eat, once they hear the bell they are in "play mode"!

Another thing to keep in mind (a lesser point though), is she able to open her own lunchbox? I have seen children who can't open box and would sit chatting rather than ask the teacher.

Once she's happy and eats when she comes home she'll be grand.

Ms. Pingui

I remember hardly ever wanting to eat my lunch in primary school. The problem for me was that everything tasted different and to me, disgusting at lunch time in school, even things that I used to enjoy while at home. I remember on many occasions actually gagging while trying to eat at school.

I think part of the problem was being in a smallish room with the smells of heaps of different kinds of food intermingling was really off putting. Many of the smells were of food that would make me feel sick even now eg. egg sandwiches..

Many your daughter feels similar?

Sligo1

I don't think I ever ate in 1st or 2nd class! Prob why I was a skinny runt. All I ever got was a jam sandwich which was squashed by the time lunch came and I always threw it straight in the bin.

I'm sure your daughter will be fine. It sounds like you are giving her a great variety of good healthy food. And if she is choosing not to eat it, so long as she is eating a good breakfast and then again when she comes home she will be fine.

cyning

I utterly hated packed lunches (and still do!). I hated the way bread absorbed the taste of the fillings and as I used point out to anyone who would listen: if you left a slice of ham sitting on the counter for hours you wouldn't eat it so why would you eat it in school! I was a completely precocious pain in the neck! Anyway I never ate a lunch in primary school, and until 4th year in secondary school might have eaten a packet of crackers or popcorn or chips! Sometimes soup in a thermos with plain bread and no butter. After that I started bringing pasta, or bought salads or sandwiches in school canteen out of my own money from working.

She won't starve, and honestly I still remember hiding my sandwiches so mum wouldn't know I didn't eat them. Just send in a small snack for now, and she will let you know if she's hungry.

byhookorbycrook

Just to point out that the DES don't actually allow extra time for eating. Lunch break is 30mins and under DES rules, any eating time has to come out of that.

Donalh

Many thanks for coming back to reply. This is very helpful :-)

heldel00 wrote: »

Only getting to reply now donalh. sorry.

Her teacher will not mind at all. Just send in a note and explain.
If teacher is on yard duty then SNA would be with children during eating but unless its a small school that wouldn't be every day.
Typical lunch for 6yr old would be:
- Half sandwich split in two (so 2/4 if you catch my drift)
and 2/3 of the following:
-piece of fruit (usually chopped but some will just eat apple etc as normal. If giving an orange or banana then leave skin on but have it started. Good practice for child.)
-cheesetring?
-yoghurt
-crackers
-ricecakes
(if lunch is too big it can be very off putting and child feels under pressure to stuff themselves and finish all.)

Had a quick look at lunchboxes there and that's typical of my 1st/2nd class. (Some may bring more.)
As people have said 5hrs is not that long so don't worry but it is good to get her into the routine like the others.

It could be the case that she is just mad to get out and play. Doesn't matter how hungry children are or how long the teacher gives them to eat, once they hear the bell they are in "play mode"!

Another thing to keep in mind (a lesser point though), is she able to open her own lunchbox? I have seen children who can't open box and would sit chatting rather than ask the teacher.

Once she's happy and eats when she comes home she'll be grand.

Donalh

Thanks to all who replied, some great advice/opinions here and i really do appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts!

Suucee

i could rarely eat lunches, in school and even in work. i just couldnt gear myself up to eat at a certain time even if i wasnt hungry. I did eventually realise if i dont eat now then i will be hungry later and cant eat but even at that id only have something small. Dont make an issue of it. she will eventually learn to hide it (like i did) so you will think she has eaten and stop annoying her about it.
If she comes home with the lunch box full you could ask her why? but if these are foods she normally eats maybe its a case that she is just not hungry at the time they are given to eat. Dont make her eat it when she comes home, maybe offer it to her or maybe just leave it until she asks for something. you could then give it to her save wasting food or give her something else healthy.

huskerdu

My 6 year old is the same, he eats very little at school. He says that he has no time - too busy with other things. On a typical day he eats an apple, a small handful of popcorn and a small amount of yoghurt.

Part of the problem is that he is sensitive to food not " smelling right". He says that sandwiches smell bad, and he's right, they do smell a bit after 4 hours in a lunchbox.

I would prefer he ate more, but he is a healthy weight, is full of energy and is never sick, so not worth stressing about.

killwill

My daughter is 7 now and a fussy eater at the best of times. She would never eat her lunch.
Now I cook fresh pasta or chicken with pesto/pasta sauce or beef in the morning and the teacher microwaves it for her at lunch. It is seldom she doesn't eat her lunch now.

byhookorbycrook

killwill wrote: »

Now I cook fresh pasta or chicken with pesto/pasta sauce or beef in the morning and the teacher microwaves it for her at lunch. .

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
A handy solution in a class of 30 and assuming there IS a microwave, that teacher can leave the class unsupervised to do so and that he/she is willing to risk the consequences of improperly heated food.

How Strange

huskerdu wrote: »

Part of the problem is that he is sensitive to food not " smelling right". He says that sandwiches smell bad, and he's right, they do smell a bit after 4 hours in a lunchbox. .

I'd be inclined to agree with him. I couldn't eat pre made sandwiches every day for lunch. I'd just lose my appetite.

RubyGirl

Op, teachers n my daughter's class say when she is leaving the room at lunch that she will be checking lunch boxes when she comes back from her lunch break. Had the same problem with my daughter (6) lunch box full, so I wrote a note in her journal that she was not eating her lunch, she wrote a note back and said she would keep an eye on her. Problem solved, a teacher can have a lot of persuasion when they are not listening to us Mum's. Try it, bet it will work.

rhapsody

The Irish Times are talking about this kind of thing too: http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/parenting/what-children-say-about-school-lunch-time-1.2079949

seventeen sheep

RubyGirl wrote: »

Op, teachers n my daughter's class say when she is leaving the room at lunch that she will be checking lunch boxes when she comes back from her lunch break. Had the same problem with my daughter (6) lunch box full, so I wrote a note in her journal that she was not eating her lunch, she wrote a note back and said she would keep an eye on her. Problem solved, a teacher can have a lot of persuasion when they are not listening to us Mum's. Try it, bet it will work.

So ... get a child who may not be hungry to stuff themselves past the point of being full, as quickly as possible, so that they don't get in trouble with the teacher for not eating everything in the lunchbox?

To me, that's encouraging a really unhealthy relationship with food, and teaches nothing about portion control or self-regulation or listening to your body.

Children should be learning to eat food that they enjoy, that is good for them, and they should understand how their diet will affect their mood and energy levels. This takes time. With experience, they will come to realise that skipping meals will mean that they'll be tired and hungry later on in the schoolday. They will also come to realise that, while it's great to eat lots of healthy foods it's not always necessary or healthy to clear your plate at every mealtime.

Encouraging a child to eat just to please their teacher or parent isn't at all constructive, in my opinion.

RubyGirl

seventeen sheep wrote: »

So ... get a child who may not be hungry to stuff themselves past the point of being full, as quickly as possible, so that they don't get in trouble with the teacher for not eating everything in the lunchbox?

To me, that's encouraging a really unhealthy relationship with food, and teaches nothing about portion control or self-regulation or listening to your body.

Children should be learning to eat food that they enjoy, that is good for them, and they should understand how their diet will affect their mood and energy levels. This takes time. With experience, they will come to realise that skipping meals will mean that they'll be tired and hungry later on in the schoolday. They will also come to realise that, while it's great to eat lots of healthy foods it's not always necessary or healthy to clear your plate at every mealtime.

Encouraging a child to eat just to please their teacher or parent isn't at all constructive, in my opinion.

As I said it worked for me, she went from eating nothing to eating her lunch. I do portion control for my child, I give her enough for big break & little break & go thru it with her. It's not all eaten every day & some day's she gives out she did'nt get enough & teacher will send her to her brother's class to see if he has anything for her.