The child that never grew up?

LegacyUser

Just wondering what people's views are on the following situation. I'm in a long-term relationship with someone since we were both teenagers. The relationship was once a very healthy and happy one, but it's now at breaking point over a fundamental issue - the fact that my partner appears to have never grown up and acts like they are still a child in many ways. Note that they were the 'baby' of their family and were quite mollycoddled when growing up. While I accept that it's generally wrong to want to 'change' a partner in a relationship from what they were when it started out, in this case it seems reasonable in my opinion to expect that we should both have grown up and become adults or true 'partners' by now.

Without going into a whole load of examples of ways in which my partner's childlike ways present themselves in our relationship, the biggest issue and in fact the dealbreaker for me really is that whenever my partner apologises for something relating to this, they ALWAYS give an excuse as well. I hadn't actually realised this till more recent years and came to the conclusion then that the reason nothing was ever changing was probably down to the reality that subconsciously they were not really sorry or did not really want to change or grow up for some reason, hence all the excuses. That's my take on things anyway. I've explained this viewpoint to my partner and suggested that if they are genuinely sorry for something or want to change, that they change their behaviour in these situations and STOP giving excuses (often not even relevant ones). But they seem incapable of doing this and there has been no change.

Instead, things are just escalating, we're both getting totally stressed out and I am absolutely fed up with the whole thing. I feel like I am in a relationship where I am being pushed into the role of a parent figure while my partner plays that of the child, but one that can or will never grow up or change their childish ways.

I'm sure this post will attract relevant responses along the lines of my partner or both of us needing counselling/therapy, but taking that for granted, have others come across anything like this sort of situation before?

dudara

It sounds like you're at different places, and now that you've started to think of your OH as "childish", it's going to be hard for you to shake that perception.

What does your partner have to say for themselves?

strobe

Sorry but you really need to give the details of the "the biggest issue and in fact the deal breaker for me really is that whenever my partner apologises for something relating to this, they ALWAYS give an excuse as well" thing, if you want informed helpful advice.

"the biggest issue and in fact the dealbreaker for me really is that whenever my partner apologises for talking to other women, they ALWAYS give an excuse as well"

"the biggest issue and in fact the dealbreaker for me really is that whenever my partner apologises for spending his wages on toy airplanes when we need it for rent and to feed our children, they ALWAYS give an excuse as well"

The advice would be quite different...

You say he's acting like a child, maybe he is, maybe he isn't, maybe you are?

OP is pretty vague, can't see how anyone can give proper advice on the situation without really knowing anything about it.