How to (politely) refuse a handshake?

Savage Tyrant

I really hate shaking strangers hands, especially if they're drunk. And my job deals with a lot of drunk people.
So how do I politely refuse to shake hands without constantly saying I'm sick and I don't want to pass it on?

GerB40

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

I really hate shaking strangers hands, especially if they're drunk. And my job deals with a lot of drunk people.
So how do I politely refuse to shake hands without constantly saying I'm sick and I don't want to pass it on?

Fist bump...

AlmightyCushion

Chop off your hands then no one will be able to shake your hand.

Omackeral

I'd rather someone avoid a handshake with me than give me a weak one. Nothing worse than a dead fish handshake from someone. It's god-awful. A good manly grip and slight nod of the head and we'll be pals.

MadsL

Place hands together, bow.

Na-ma-ste!

Hippy/Hipster cred.

If they are really drunk you can add "The Spirit within me salutes the Spirit in you"

TheBrinch

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"

Asarlai

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

I really hate shaking strangers hands, especially if they're drunk. And my job deals with a lot of drunk people.
So how do I politely refuse to shake hands without constantly saying I'm sick and I don't want to pass it on?

Change jobs

RayM

Hug them instead.

Dirty Steve

If it's a job where you regularly encounter the same people, just start holding their hands for an uncomfortable amount of time. An accompanying awkward stare also adds effect to this action.

Tbh though, I doubt you can get around this.

Or you could just stink palm them, that always works.

Canis Lupus

Tell them you're a muslim woman and it's against your religion/customs.

dan185

Canis Lupus wrote: »

Tell them you're a muslim woman and it's against your religion/customs.

Be Muslim
Be woman
?????
Prophet!

jaykay74

Walk around holding a large empty box. Hands full, no handshake.

F1fan

Health and Safety....I'm not allowed....sorry.
I use this one!

Canis Lupus

jaykay74 wrote: »

Walk around holding a large empty box. Hands full, no handshake.

I like this idea but how about adjusting it to a different tack and getting the OP to learn how to juggle and do that all the time?

irelandspurs

Tell them you have Ebola

Drakares

Tell them you were just in the jacks and you almost pulled the stomach out of yourself over a video of Lisa Ann, class isn't she? That'll learn em!

suicide_circus

Offer your hand to shake and just as they go to take it, whip your hand away and slick back your hair in one quick movement.

razorblunt

Pretend sneeze on them first!

If they're drunk its not formal, so I'd first bump instead. Keep a hand sanitizer in your pocket too.

biko

Get a hand buzzer

Seamus1964

Scratch your balls (visibly) or pick your nose (visibly)

http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/sonsofanarchy/images/3/31/Chuckie_605.png/revision/latest?cb=20141029000741

Darkglasses

Offer them your elbow.

Qualitymark

It's incredibly offensive. I saw three people talking recently. One eagerly clasped the other's hand, then visibly hesitated when the second person held out a hand. He shook it, but for the rest of the conversation I could see the second person looking surprised, hurt and insulted, and by the time they separated, the look had changed to one of cold dislike, under an apparently cordial goodbye. The guy probably doesn't know that this hesitation has made him an enemy.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Simply say 'I'll not shake your hand as I suffer from chronic arthritis in my hands/fingers but nice to meet you all the same' then clench your hands and wince every now and then while they're in your company.

GG66

Pleasure to meet you, smile :-)
Don't offer your hand, (keep them firmly by your side or in your pockets)
If they offer: Sorry, my hands are wet (shake for effect)

Substitute, dirty, filthy etc. for wet

Agent Coulson

Buy a pirate hook and use it for a hand whenever you go out.

Gone Drinking

Take out your knob, they'll pull their hand back fairly lively.. if they don't; FREE ****

MonkeyTennis

I still dont get it. Do you think drunk people arent entitled to the same rights as 'normal' people.

Speaking as a drunk person I'M OUTRAGED

o1s1n

Is this a germ issue?

Carry a mini bottle of anti bacterial gel in your pocket. Just don't let the person you've just shaken hands with see this as they might think you're a bit of a weirdo.

The_Valeyard

Lick your fingers first.

cerastes

o1s1n wrote: »

Is this a germ issue?

Carry a mini bottle of anti bacterial gel in your pocket. Just don't let the person you've just shaken hands with see this as they might think you're a bit of a weirdo.

what about warts? fcukers with those should not be offering their hand for a handshake, I have no idea how they manage a ****?
just get rid of the things, you can get creams

nyarlothothep

I hate handshakes too, so many germs on the hands of people, perfect way to transmit norovirus (which is the asshole of colds/flus). Also you sometimes get the knobhead hand crusher who has a point to prove by mangling your hand. Fisting all the way.

Dun laoire

Stick the hand down the tweeds the way the young fellas do these days and you wont have to worry about someone shaking your hand.

Dun laoire

nyarlothothep wrote: »

I hate handshakes too, so many germs on the hands of people, perfect way to transmit norovirus (which is the asshole of colds/flus). Also you sometimes get the knobhead hand crusher who has a point to prove by mangling your hand. Fisting all the way.

Think i'll pass on that one.

lazybones32

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

I really hate shaking strangers hands, especially if they're drunk. And my job deals with a lot of drunk people.
So how do I politely refuse to shake hands without constantly saying I'm sick and I don't want to pass it on?

Don't offer your hand. If the people are drunk and not friends, why care what they think?

cerastes

Agent Coulson wrote: »

Buy a pirate hook and use it for a hand whenever you go out.

You forgot to say,

A harrgh me hearty,

Knowing where my hands have been, I would not want to shake them.
I suspect/know other people are worse.

In the day of bird flu and nose pickers, we should relegate the handshake to history.

keithclancy

Just say you didn't wash after hand party.

NotASheeple

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

So how do I politely refuse to shake hands without constantly saying I'm sick and I don't want to pass it on?

Offer them a Glasgow Handshake.

Chucken

What kind of job do you have that involves shaking hands with lots of drunk people?

strobe

Chucken wrote: »

What kind of job do you have that involves shaking hands with lots of drunk people?

Pub to pub hand cream salesman.

DundalkDuffman

Sorry I'd rather not. Simple.

Pug160

Omackeral wrote: »

I'd rather someone avoid a handshake with me than give me a weak one. Nothing worse than a dead fish handshake from someone. It's god-awful. A good manly grip and slight nod of the head and we'll be pals.

Tell them to use one of these:

http://www.fitstream.com/images/products/heavy-grips-angled.gif

I can almost close the 250lb one. :pac:

Rezident

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

I really hate shaking strangers hands, especially if they're drunk. And my job deals with a lot of drunk people.
So how do I politely refuse to shake hands without constantly saying I'm sick and I don't want to pass it on?

Shaking hands is how diseases and viruses are spread. You know the people who "wash" their hands by holding them under the tap for about two seconds after using the toilet, removing approximately 1% of the germs? Or that plenty don't even wash their hands at all, you see them in pub toilets? Some of the people who you are shaking hands with, are those people. Remember that next time they are holding their filthy, disease-ridden hands out to you. Visualise the millions of tiny bacteria and germs on their paws. You should explain it to them too, it's surprisingly that more people don't seem to be aware of this.

I just give them a big smile and a friendly word and keep my hands in my pockets, and I haven't been sick much the last few years, coincidentally.

You never know where those fingers have been.

Sir Osis of Liver.

Phlegm on your palm first in the style of a tinker selling a horse.

That'll learn them.

coolhull

Go high-five instead

Buona Fortuna

Get in first, grab them by the shoulders and then kiss them on both cheeks. They won't shake handds after that.

Failing that wear a sling on your right arm.