Afraid

LegacyUser

Hi, I'll try keep this short. My relationship with the man I though I would spend the rest of my life with end last year after a long goodbye & several attempts to try make it work. There are loads of positive things about him but he suffered from depression & anxiety (diagnosed but reluctant to accept same & ended up on stress leave). Despite being very attractive, he was also insecure & jealous having previously been cheated on. Anyway, the final break up was nasty with both of us saying a lot of horrible things designed to hurt one another.

Afterwards I was gutted but determined to move in and put it behind me. Almost immediately I met a guy who I persued to have a FWB thing with. When this ended I had another. Unusual given I do not sleep around & usually only have sex within a relationship. That ended & I spent a few months alone which was needed and what I should have done initially.

In the last two months, I've felt I would like to start dating again but everytime I arrange a date I end up cancelling it. I know that I'm.obviously afraid of getting hurt again but don't know how to address it. I feel like I've ended up like him in some ways. I also have it in my head the men only want to use me for sex even though it was me who initiated the fwb thing. In our final argument my ex said the sex was the only good thing about our relationship. I'm 99% certain that was said to hurt me & is not true but it has made me question everything & I think everything we had may have been a lie. I said some horrible things.

I want to start dating again but I keep cancelling dates. I don't know what I expect from this thread but need some advice.

DeclanJWhite

The only thing I notice is that you seemed to make a slip of the pen when you said 'determined to move in' instead of 'determined to move on'. That seemed significant?

Why keep the post short? Why not say more? No reason not to be generously attentive to a serious cause of unhappiness.

When your ex-boyfriend said the relationship was only good for sex, why did that get to you so much? Was that something you were worried about before he said that to you? He tried to hurt you, perhaps, at your Achilles' Heel as he maliciously suspected, from what he knew of you, that such a point would stick.

Anyway, your post has real emotional substance and thoughtfulness, so you can't be all about the sex! :-)

Rubberchikken

Could you focus on getting your self esteem back up before dating again?

If you'd prefer to hold out for a relationship, then do.
Some relationships end badly with horrible things said but it's pointless dwelling on it. Better to move on and start enjoying life.

Good luck

Holsten

I'd forget about what your ex boyfriend say, people can say stupid stuff at the tail end of a break up.

You're only one year out of a long term relationship and you've already had two small flings. You should forget about relationships for the minute and focus on yourself. Then when you meet someone let them know exactly what you want.

Don't do the FWB as they are a waste of time.

Merkin

You're clearly not ready for dating yet. There really is no rush and it's great to be on your own to get some clarity and perspective, which you clearly need. Use your time on enriching your life through friends, family and new interests and build on your confidence from there.