New Boyfriend with ED

LegacyUser

I met a really great guy about 3 months ago and we've been "officially" together for the last two months. I'm mad about him and he has told me that he loves me.

My problem is that our sex life is pretty crap. He cannot seem to keep an erection when either full sex or oral sex for him is on the cards. Lately even hand jobs are not working.

He has told me that I am not the problem and that he does find me sexy and that it more about performance anxiety than anything else.

His focus has always been on making me orgasm and when that does not happen I can see his confidence getting knocked even further. He keeps asking me what I want him to do to me and I keep telling him that I like what he is doing but then when I don't cum he asks why I didn't tell him to change what he was doing.

The thing is, I can't orgasm while I feel under pressure to do so and I've told him this. And since he has told me about his ED I've felt really unsure about what to do with him. I don't want to put pressure on him because I know that it will make it worse.

If I'm honest, I'm getting a bit bored of our sessions lasting so long with no real end for either of us. I'm happy to leave it at kissing and stroking but he seems determined to head straight south in order to pleasure me and it's just not working for me now that I know that he isn't going to be able to let me do that same.

What can I do?

lifeandtimes

this effects lots of guys and it usually goes away after you are both comfertable with each other....it sounds like you are both putting to much pressure on the situation to complete.

Maybe just go with the flow, if it happens that you are both relaxing at home one night and suddenly one of you gets the urge then go for it(being honest guys get hard ons at random times, tell him to take advantage of it next time one happens around you)

Also maybe soemthing that might help would be to ask him when does he get hard and stay hard? like can he get himself hard and then you take it from there or maybe watching porn.

Ask him and find what makes him tick and use it, it will make him happy and then you wont feel so much pressure on yourself and be able to relax and enjoy it and get your own orgasms

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP,

A couple of quick questions .

Does he sometimes get a good solid erection in his sleep?

Does he use porn?

Two "Nos" and I think he should be talking to his GP.

Dark Artist

Tell him you want to try something and that you’d really like him to co-operate with you, because it would be fun. Instruct him to not masturbate or watch porn until you initiate sex. Wait about a week. Don't tell him when you plan on having sex because he'll make himself nervous and build it up in his head up until that point. After a week he should be outrageously horny.

When you do initiate, tell him you just want to play with it, and do that for a while even if he stays soft. Make it look like you're enjoying yourself. You should get some result out of that because he’s already sexually frustrated and needs to release. Keep it at a hand job or BJ for that session and see how it goes. Maybe if you really want to turn up the teasing you could play with yourself or grind on him.

Him not masturbating and you being spontaneous are key to this so it will require some participation on his part to actually commit to this idea and I guess you’ll just have to trust him.

If this doesn’t work in the least, he should see a sex therapist or a doctor and see what’s up.

One extra thought I’d like to offer. I’m a gay male, but before I came out, I was in a relationship for about a year with a girl, and what you’re describing was pretty much my life. The possibility of him being gay should be a last consideration but if things don’t improve after you trying this and that, and after visits to a doctor, you could try hinting at certain things, see how comfortable he is with his sexuality and how he reacts to gay prompts. I wish you the best of luck.

Please don’t be too alarmed by that last paragraph. I’m only speaking from my own experience as a gay man and I’m sure this isn’t the case.

tinz18

Could he have phimosis ( a tight foreskin) which makes sex very sore and stingy for him? If not it might have other medical causes however it sounds like the pair of ye are putting massive pressure on each other to finish which can't be helping at all.

Maybe you should try to get him to have sensual foreplay without any sex and with the goal of not finishing for a while. it would be a way to find out what the other likes and it would take the pressure off ye to perform.

TimeToShine

No porn and no masturbation for the 7 days.

Diemos

Sounds like the issue is psychological rather than physical.
You just need a few quick wins to get his confidence up
Avoid hand jobs and oral, they can be fabulous but (speaking personally) they can loose sensation sometimes.

Use enough lube that he can enter first time, no problem, choose a position were he can go deep:
Doggie, you're kneeling with your knees apart he is behind you, his knees together, and while on all fours you should arch your back, pushing your belly button down to the floor.
Missionary, where your legs are over his shoulders (may not be that flexible first thing in the morning :P )
You on top; get him to cross his legs at his ankles, you should be hunkered down on him, not kneeling.

Make it a quickie, minimal foreplay.

Tramps Like Us

Have you considered pretending to try and boost his confidence?

Mike747

TimeToShine wrote: »

No porn and no masturbation for the 7 days.

Or maybe even 14 days if he has serious deathgrip. If that doesn't work he needs to see a doctor.