Therapist isn't Irish.. am I out of line?

LegacyUser

I phoned up for counselling recently and gave an overview of my issues. The coordinator told me she thought my best match would be with a therapist with experience of the issues I reported. When the therapist phoned however, she wasn't Irish.. she sounded chinese.

Although she was very professional I was immediately taken aback and as awful as this sounds I was disappointed. I'm not sure if this is because my last therapist was an Irish lady and that's what I'm used to, or what it is really. All I know is now I'm really nervous about the appointment I have with her and am almost dreading it.

Am I totally out of line here? Is this racist? Or would anyone else feel the same in this position?

homemadecider

Yes this racist. Go to the appointment, leave the racism at the door.

ABajaninCork

You need to ask yourself why you feel this way. Are you nervous the therapist isn't qualified? You can check her qualifications if you're unsure. Are you worried you won't be understood by her??

And yes - if the therapist is suitably qualified and can help you, then I think you're being unfair. At least give her a chance. If she's no good, then ask for another.

Where I come from, you'd be very hard pushed to find a dentist or a doctor who isn't Indian or Chinese. Nationality isn't a factor, IMO. If they can do the job I ask for to a good standard, then that's all I'm interested in. For instance - my doctor at home is Dutch. My dentist is of Indian descent. Both are excellent at their jobs, and I am very comfortable with them. Ireland is becoming more multi-cultural and you'll find ethnic professional people on a more regular basis.

Like I say - give the therapist a try. If she's no good on the basis she can't help you then fair enough.

loveisdivine

I don't really know if its racist or not.

All I would say is you have to be able to connect with your therapist. Its not going to work if you don't feel like they can relate to you, or you to them.

ABajaninCork

Oh and by the way, OP? The best dentist I've ever had was Chinese!

LegacyUser

I don't think it's necessarily racist to have concerns. Personally I wouldn't like to have a Chinese therapist because having travelled extensively and worked for some time in China, culturally it is like a different planet in many ways, and I would have concerns that the therapist would find it difficult to understand where I am coming from on some issues. I certainly had issues identifying with and understanding where many of my colleagues were coming from when working in China.

I would still give her a chance and see how the first session goes. But it's important that she is on the same wavelength and understands Irish cultural/western mentalities.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Sociopath2

If you're not comfortable therapy wont work. You're comfortable with a certain type of person thats all.

Would you feel bad if you preferred a female therapist over a male?

Racism is thrown around far too easily these days. This is your health you're talking about, you have to feel comfortable with your counsellor. If not move to someone else.

Diziet

OP, you haven't even met her yet. How about going and seeing how you get on?

If the fact she sounded Chinese is the only thing you have against her, well, it does look racist from here. Having said that, if you are seeking counselling you are probably feeling anxious anyway. I'd say go along and see how the session goes.

Hoochiemama

To all those that said about foreign dentists and doctors - I disagree. Therapy is very different and based around a developing relationship in which the client can feel comfortable and at ease to discuss a side of themselves they would not normally discuss.

OP, for the sake of it - just go and see how you get on. You may get on wonderfully, you never know. If you are not comfortable, simply ring back and tell them you would prefer a different therapist.

iusedtoknow

Do you know her credentials? Did she study in Ireland, in the UK?

All you are judging her off is her race - and while probably not racist, it is pretty ignorant. My wife has a spanish surname, and she had a patient on her floor that didn't "want no mexican scum treaten' him", despite her having trained in Barcelona and San Francisco.

Meet her, talk with her and see if you are a good fit. If not...move on.

Stavro Mueller

I think you should go once anyway and see how you get on. If I was in your position I'd be a bit concerned as well. More so over the therapist's command of English than anything else. I've been treated by doctors whose English hasn't been the best and it is a struggle at times to know what they're saying. It's one thing to have a doctor or a dentist whose English isn't great - one human's body/teeth is much the same as the next person's - but when it comes to something more talky, the language barrier could be a problem.

Tasden

The fact that you could tell she wasn't irish over the phone probably means she either had a particular accent or pronounced her words a different way to an irish person. I'm assuming that is where the concerns are stemming from more so than her nationality or ability? That you're worried this is going to be an issue when communicating. Much the same as if you had been speaking to someone who had a thick cork or belfast accent and you found it difficult to understand. The whole idea of therapy is that you discuss your issues so if you're apprehensive about how that is going to work then that's a valid concern imo.

However, you haven't given her a chance yet. You may find that when you are face to face with her you are well able to understand her and the accent or whatever isn't an issue.

I wouldn't necessarily say you are being racist, more jumping to conclusions than anything.

Have to agree with another poster who said the comments about dentists/GPs being a different nationality is a little irrelevant as they don't require a great deal of discussion like therapy would. I don't think (I hope not anyway) OP is doubting the therapists ability to do her job as such, more her own ability to understand the therapist and communicate easily with her.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here again. Thank you for all your responses.

I'm not sure if she was Chinese but definitely asian. Her english was perfect but her accent was a little strong. I guess my worry is that in my experience Chinese people are generally a little colder than Irish people. And culturally very different, as someone pointed out. She is fully qualified though.

I'm worried because I've had an experience with a counsellors in the past where I didn't click and had to leave, and found it very difficult to recover from it after building up the courage to finally seek the counselling. As I'm pretty vulnerable at the moment if it happens again it may be very difficult to get over, I suppose that's my fear.

Dark Artist

If you are literally dreading the appointment after only hearing a Chinese accent on the phone that I have to say that you are actually coming across as quite racist.

I get that people have to feel comfortable with their therapists but if you're dreading the appointment purely due to the fact that she's Chinese, then I don't know how you can excuse that or explain it away. Granted, things like an Irish sense of humor could go over a Chinese person's head but it's not like you're going to be cracking jokes and making RTE references through the whole session. You're there to talk about your mental health issues and she's a qualified doctor in that field.

It would be worth attending the session to see how she makes you feel. If you really can't get past her nationality then of course you shouldn't stay with her, but ultimately it does make you racist. Sorry.

EDIT: Want to add this because I'm worried I came off as harsh. Obviously if you take the appointment and it turns out she doesn't make you feel comfortable, regardless of her race, that is also fine, but like someone else said it's important to leave the racism at the door and have that conversation with an open mind.

FluffyAngel

i once had a south african lady who after a peroid of time enabled me that i changed my view

i left my judgement at the door
the rest is history ..



good luck on your journey

MagicMarker

Girl009 wrote: »

I'm worried because I've had an experience with a counsellors in the past where I didn't click and had to leave, and found it very difficult to recover from it after building up the courage to finally seek the counselling.

And were they all Non-Nationals? I doubt it...

OP, you've nothing to lose by going once. You basically have zero reason to believe this person won't meet and exceed all your expectations.

R.D. aka MR.D

You don't know that she is 'Chinese'. She might be from another country where they are totally different.
I would be interested to know how you identified an 'Asian' accent over the phone.

Also, have you considered the fact that she might be able to give you a good perspective on your problems? You mentioned that she is experienced.

My ex-OH's dad is Mexican and moved from Mexico as a teenager. He still has an accent but has been in the country from over 50 years.
You can't/shouldn't judge some one by an accent.

My own mother is guilty of describing a doctor as 'foreign'. When I went to see him, he was an English guy from just outside of London. The fact that he wasn't white and had an English accent threw her.

Go and maybe you will broaden your horizons a little bit.

ABajaninCork

Ha, ha. I get where the doctor's coming from. I was recently asked where I learnt to speak such good English!! The concept of 'non-white' English (and Irish) people hasn't reached some folks yet.

I **** you not...

oneshot0kill

I spent some of my years growing up in Asia as an Irish/Asian mix. Since moving here I've noticed there's still a social divide between the locals and foreigners. Very different to where I was where the intermingling of different races and cultures were a norm. I don't think it's racism when I see these questions posted, instead it's probably more to do with a lack of understanding or contact with different cultural backgrounds. This goes without saying but every individual is different. Regardless of race or culture, you will get a reserved or outgoing, cold or emphatic type of person etc. I hate stereotypes especially when they're to do with race because they disregard the individual and their own unique personality. The therapist is an individual with a personality and competence level you just can't presume based on her accent. If her English is perfect then there's a good chance she comes from a developed state or she studied in the West. If you can understand what she says, you really should give her a go, especially since she was recommended for your specific issue. She must know her field and your type of issue well if you weren't directed to an Irish therapist. I'd imagine that they wouldn't recommend you to the least qualified! Good luck

seventeen sheep

I would try to attend the session with a positive attitude and an open mind. Perhaps it might be a good thing that she's not Irish like your last therapist - perhaps you might actually be able to be more open with her if you're taken out of your comfort zone?

Get whatever benefit you can from the session. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her, all you have to do is tell the coordinator afterwards that you didn't feel she was the right therapist for you and that you'd like to see someone else next time. No need to bring her nationality into it. Do give her a chance though. If she's been recommended specifically because she has a lot of experience in talking to people with similar issues to you, she must be good at what she does.

Best of luck with it!

fannymagee

OP, a huge part of good therapy lies in the ability to explore the relationship between the client and therapist, particularly the issues that the client projects onto the the therapist/ therapeutic relationship. Good therapists are trained to be able to have these discussions openly and non-judgementally. People project all sorts of things onto the relationship- my therapist is too old, too young, female, male, gay, not gay, too local, too foreign, too Irish.

It sounds like your therapeutic process has already begun, so embrace it! This is already bringing up some deep-seated issues, so tell her. And good luck! :-)

Rosy Posy

This thread has been a real eye opener for me, being Irish, hoping to embark on a career as a therapist outside of Ireland, and being an Irish/Asian mix. I think that racism is an endemic human trait that we have to actively check to avoid. Growing up brown in Ireland in the eighties people used to turn and stare in the street, not because they were evil racists but because they were human and unused to a diverse society. Even as a brown person I have to check my prejudice. I have been called out on boards several times for racist language-terms like half caste, or non-white, apparently are no longer acceptable. Having roots in apartheid South Africa, these terms seem natural to me but I can see how they perpetuate a racist ideology. I think the fact that you're questioning and examining your prejudice is healthy and a path to growth. I think you should be globally honest with your therapist- about your feelings about her race as well as your other issues, and incorporate this into your therapeutic journey.
Best of luck,op.

Lux23

I would see how you get on, my partner was seeing an Irish counsellor but got an appointment with a Nigerian psychiatrist. He was a nice guy but was Muslim and never drank so had a hard time understanding my boyfriend's typically Irish relationship with drink. He decided to stick with the Irish consellor because he felt she just knew the score when it comes to drinking. So I can understand your viewpoint OP, but maybe go to a session or two before you make up your mind.

SATSUMA

My view is you are overthinking it.

Ring and cancel, get a new therapist.

Discuss this issue with the new one. That way you get to the real issue of it and you can use this as an opportunity to explore your thinking around it.

Get what you need, its your therapy.

Good luck x

Pawwed Rig

I also think you should change therapist. You need to find someone who you are comfortable with first and foremost. Working on 2 problems at once would be extremely difficult so sort out the main issue that caused you to seek the therapist first. Following on from that you should address your mistrust of Asians/foreigners. You should mention this to your new therapist as you progress through the sessions to analyse where this stems from.
Best wishes dealing with both issues.

strandroad

So you were recommended an expert in the field you need and you want to drop them because of their accent/heritage alone?

You need to be comfortable with your therapist so there is no point in meeting someone you already don't trust - but yes, you do have a problem and are prejudiced.

ChaosSymbol

I don't think it's fair of people to label you as racist over this. It's a thin line, but in the context of a counseling setting I can see where your concerns stem from and they're quite reasonable. The aim in counseling is to work with someone you feel you can relate to and connect with and this may indeed be harder with a cultural difference in the mix. It's especially more of a concern when you've already gone through the stress of working with a therapist you didn't click with; you say you don't want to go through that again and that's completely fair. That said, it can also go in the other direction and she may be perfect for you. For example, my therapist is American and I went through 2 Irish therapists before clicking with him.

Personally I would give her a chance, but I'd keep in mind that you may not click and if you don't it's no-one's fault. As you've already seen, that can happen with therapists of any nationality. Just don't give up over it, you'll find someone eventually. You will. Best of luck with your treatment OP and well done on getting started.

skallywag

I agree with those who are recommending to ask for a new therapist from the off. In this particular circumstance I do not think that you are being racist, and I cannot see there being any issue. You cannot fix a problem by starting off from day one with a fresh one.

fannymagee

OP, what do you WANT to do? Do that

oneshot0kill

I'd like to add a bit more because it's a bit deflating reading some of these posts that are encouraging the acceptance of prejudice. It was not long ago that the Irish themselves faced this very same problem when they went to the UK for work back in the 60s and 70s. How would you feel being Irish and based on a phone call being rejected solely based on your accent?
From what I understand, you've had trouble gaining the courage to see therapists regardless of whether they are Irish or foreign. Racial difference seems to be a doubt among many others you may have so where do you draw the line? There is always going to be a risk and something to pick on. As you've said, the last two therapists who were Irish didn't work out yet it feels safer to go with one again? The issue is not race, but the individual. Take the plunge, you have nothing to lose, but an awful lot to gain, especially if this one has been recommended for your particular problem. Please don't limit your options to recovery on something so archaic. Again, best of luck to you.

Paddy Cow

Girl009 wrote: »

Hi, OP here again. Thank you for all your responses.

I'm not sure if she was Chinese but definitely asian. Her english was perfect but her accent was a little strong. I guess my worry is that in my experience Chinese people are generally a little colder than Irish people. And culturally very different, as someone pointed out. She is fully qualified though.

I'm worried because I've had an experience with a counsellors in the past where I didn't click and had to leave, and found it very difficult to recover from it after building up the courage to finally seek the counselling. As I'm pretty vulnerable at the moment if it happens again it may be very difficult to get over, I suppose that's my fear.

I think you should give this lady a chance. You don't know how long she has been in Ireland or how intune she is with the culture. You have experience yourself with counsellors that you didn't click with, and I'm going to assume that they were Irish. There have been plenty of people on here who haven't clicked with their counsellor. Psychology isn't an exact science and it's important that you build a rapport with your counsellor.

"Chinese people are a little colder than Irish people" is a hell of a generalisation. Perhaps it might hold some weight if you were living in China but think of it like this - there are over 1 billion people in China and not all of them will fall into the stereotype. The very fact that she has chosen a career in helping must show that she wants to help people.

Her education, experience, length of time spent in Ireland and most importantly, her own personality and levels of empathy, are all going to be more important than the fact that she is asian.

Dutchess

Is this racist...maybe. I find it is not an uncommon trait to have. As can be deduced from mu username I am from the Netherlands. When I got married to an Irish man I started using his last name around here, including at the top of my CV. I received more replies to the same CV with my married name than with my maiden name (even though from where I studied and the native Dutch listed under language skills, it is still pretty easy to guess where I am from).

I would suggest to you to go to your counsellor. I don't know why you are going but most people go for some help on their perspective. It might actually be a good thing to see someone from a very different background to your own. They could help you in a way someone who is culturally very similar to you perhaps never can (no guarantee of course, I am just making suggestion). Asian culture has very rich spirituality and focus on meditation. Meeting with this lady may turn out very well for you.

mkhall

Girl009 wrote: »

I phoned up for counselling recently and gave an overview of my issues. The coordinator told me she thought my best match would be with a therapist with experience of the issues I reported. When the therapist phoned however, she wasn't Irish.. she sounded chinese.

Although she was very professional I was immediately taken aback and as awful as this sounds I was disappointed. I'm not sure if this is because my last therapist was an Irish lady and that's what I'm used to, or what it is really. All I know is now I'm really nervous about the appointment I have with her and am almost dreading it.

Am I totally out of line here? Is this racist? Or would anyone else feel the same in this position?

I don't think you're racist OP but I do think you're too quick to judge. I think you're afraid that because she's not irish she might not "get you". There's a lot of great irish therapists out there, and there's a lot of bad ones. Just as there are a lot of great foreign ones, bad ones...chances are though, if she's qualified to practice here, she probably has a good understanding of the culture. If you still find that you're not clicking with her then move on to another. Have to admit the majority of my doctors here are foreign and they're amazing. Chances are they've qualified here. One of my closest friends is qualifying to be a counsellor and she's not irish, speaks in a thick accent but i have to say she is one of the most empathetic and understanding people I know. Just give it a chance and if you're having a hard time with it then move on. If you're seeking therapy the most important thing here is you, so don't be afraid to be too selfish but go in with an open mind all the same

TheBeardedLady

It's important you feel comfortable with your counselor first and foremost and that you can open up to them. Perhaps someone from outside your own culture could offer a more objective opinion on your issues?

Whatever about cultural differences, we're all human and we all feel and that's the most important thing - we can all empathise with each other on a human level - we're not that different at all when it comes down to it .

I'd say give it a go with an open mind and if you're not happy, request someone else, which you're entitled to do. Good luck, OP.

keithclancy

Dutchess wrote: »

Is this racist...maybe. I find it is not an uncommon trait to have. As can be deduced from mu username I am from the Netherlands. When I got married to an Irish man I started using his last name around here, including at the top of my CV. I received more replies to the same CV with my married name than with my maiden name (even though from where I studied and the native Dutch listed under language skills, it is still pretty easy to guess where I am from).

I would suggest to you to go to your counsellor. I don't know why you are going but most people go for some help on their perspective. It might actually be a good thing to see someone from a very different background to your own. They could help you in a way someone who is culturally very similar to you perhaps never can (no guarantee of course, I am just making suggestion). Asian culture has very rich spirituality and focus on meditation. Meeting with this lady may turn out very well for you.

Or perhaps you received more responses because you were married and deemed to be more stable.

I don't think a name such as "Van Der Something" or "Den something" would put employers off.

Especially with the International working environment in Ireland as long as you speak English I've yet to meet a person that would care where you are from.

strandroad

keithclancy wrote: »

Or perhaps you received more responses because you were married and deemed to be more stable.

The wouldn't know she was married... You don't put it on a CV, she just got a different name.

keithclancy

mhge wrote: »

The wouldn't know she was married... You don't put it on a CV, she just got a different name.

Really ... I put it on my CV, in Germany and NL its normal anyway.

vonievega

The fact that you are even asking suggests you should cancel, go to another company and ask for an Irish person, absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your paying for it.

Dutchess

keithclancy wrote: »

Really ... I put it on my CV, in Germany and NL its normal anyway.

My marital status is not on my CV. I personally consider it irrelevant information when applying for a job. I don't know if it would do me any favours. Married woman in late twenties. I can already see an employer wondering when I will go on maternity leave. I have no child wish and I know they are not allowed to let it influence their decisions, just like my last name or marital status. But that doesn't mean they don't.

Anyway, back to the OP's issue:) I am personally curious what they decided to do, go or cancel...

Dark Artist

Dutchess wrote: »

Anyway, back to the OP's issue:) I am personally curious what they decided to do, go or cancel...

Me too. If we don't hear anything I assume it's more likely that she cancelled and went with another therapist.

dudara

@Dutchess - please note that asking for updates from the OP is forbidden as per the forum charter. Please do not do so again.

dudara

Dutchess

I only meant to steer the thread back on topic, no pressure on the OP of any kind was intended. But point taken.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here. Just an update on what I decided to do.

I decided to go to the therapist to see how it would go... and it was awful. She was everything I had feared. Cold (she barely said hello when I arrived and showed very little empathy towards me) her english wasn't perfect (I couldn't understand some of what she said), and I felt completely uncomfortable. I decided to be honest and tell her I was uncomfortable but I didn't let on why, and the next day I phoned up and cancelled my therapy with her.
I'm currently looking for a new (dare I say Irish..) therapist.
Thank you for all your responses!

ABajaninCork

That's fair enough, OP. It's a shame it didn't work out, but at least you gave it a shot.

Dutchess

Good on you for going! At least now you know. Good luck finding the right person for you.