The stupid psychology behind a handshake

evo2000

I was at a meeting today, all went well got stuff done, the person i was talking to was nice then it came to the handshake and it got me wondering, why do people feel the need to do there up most to try and crush your hand?

Do people actually believe this gives them some sort of edge or that they are seen as more confident?

Starscream25

evo2000 wrote: »

I was at a meeting today, all went well got stuff done, the person i was talking to was nice then it came to the handshake and it got me wondering, why do people feel the need to do there up most to try and crush your hand?

Do people actually believe this gives them some sort of edge or that they are seen as more confident?

I always thought of it as a way to show your dominance or alpha-ness toward the other person, a strong from grip to me means 'don't **** with me or I'll **** you', too soft a handshake could mean anything, a middle of the road handshake is where it's at I think,equal and mutual respect. Handshakes are a load of ****e though.
I could be all wrong.

Charlie19

High fives for the win.

Dr. Mantis Toboggan

evo2000 wrote: »

I was at a meeting today, all went well got stuff done, the person i was talking to was nice then it came to the handshake and it got me wondering, why do people feel the need to do there up most to try and crush your hand?

Do people actually believe this gives them some sort of edge or that they are seen as more confident?

You should give them the finger tickle handshake, that is tickle the palm of their hand mid shake, whilst licking your lips and staring them directly in the eye.

Tabnabs

Fist bumps are the hygienic alternative OP.

dibkins

If they turn your hand to the bottom then they have a psychological power hold on you now, and if they tickle your palm with a finger it means they want to get jiggy. True stories, maybe.

Duggy747

I go in for the shift.

The Peanut

Here you go OP. All bout first impressions, apparently.

"In his book "The Joy of Selling," J.T. Auer describes the messages people get about you from different types of handshakes:

1. The flabby handshake

The limp handshake communicates pessimism and negativity. You are a dud, the kind of person others do not want to have around.

2. The prison handshake

The person holds your hand too long and won't give it back. He's after something, and you'd better be on your guard.

3. The squeezing handshake

You play one-upmanship. You roll over people. This is the exact opposite of what the handshake is meant to communicate. Many historians see handshaking as a male activity supposed to signal that you are not aggressive, that you don't have a weapon in your hand.

4. The next-to-the-body handshake

When you keep your arm close to your body and just bend at the elbow, you look insecure and secretive.

5. The firm handshake

This is the handshake that makes the best impression, we have been taught to believe. It's brief and says you are strong, confident and professional. Some psychologists believe that this message comes from the time when we were tree-dwelling primates and getting a firm grip meant you were going to get somewhere."

donegaLroad

worse again is that Italian / French kiss on each cheek thing they do.. including man to man... makes me feel very awkward

Starscream25

donegaLroad wrote: »

worse again is that Italian / French kiss on each cheek thing they do.. including man to man... makes me feel very awkward

Those kisses are a ****ing joke, fair enough if I'm in their country, I'll do things there way, but when I see irish people do it in ireland I'm thinking what a pair of muppets. Usually it's the upper class ****

evo2000

The Peanut wrote: »

Here you go OP. All bout first impressions, apparently.

"In his book "The Joy of Selling," J.T. Auer describes the messages people get about you from different types of handshakes:

1. The flabby handshake

The limp handshake communicates pessimism and negativity. You are a dud, the kind of person others do not want to have around.

2. The prison handshake

The person holds your hand too long and won't give it back. He's after something, and you'd better be on your guard.

3. The squeezing handshake

You play one-upmanship. You roll over people. This is the exact opposite of what the handshake is meant to communicate. Many historians see handshaking as a male activity supposed to signal that you are not aggressive, that you don't have a weapon in your hand.

4. The next-to-the-body handshake

When you keep your arm close to your body and just bend at the elbow, you look insecure and secretive.

5. The firm handshake

This is the handshake that makes the best impression, we have been taught to believe. It's brief and says you are strong, confident and professional. Some psychologists believe that this message comes from the time when we were tree-dwelling primates and getting a firm grip meant you were going to get somewhere."

****!! anyone want to shake my hand? i need to crush someones hand so people will want me around!! lol

anncoates

Some men just think an overly hard handshake makes them all alpha. It's like baboons baring their arses at each other.

evo2000

donegaLroad wrote: »

worse again is that Italian / French kiss on each cheek thing they do.. including man to man... makes me feel very awkward

yeah fug that sheet, be grand if it a fine lookin woman tho could chance a sly shift after it!

Gleedog

Whats funnier is when you go to shake your friends hand but you both go in for different angles. I usually go for a high handshake when my friends go for a normal handshake..they're probably thinking dafuq does this guy think he is!

Agree with the kissing thing, Bit much.

Pat Mustard

The Peanut wrote: »

2. The prison handshake

The person holds your hand too long and won't give it back. He's after something, and you'd better be on your guard.

Kinda funny but true. Usually some old person trying to pump you for gossip.

Never came across the squeezing handshake. I don't think it's done much beyond the age of 11. :pac:

evo2000

The Mustard wrote: »

Kinda funny but true. Usually some old person trying to pump you for gossip.

Never came across the squeezing handshake. I don't think it's done much beyond the age of 11. :pac:

Ahh yes the never ending handshake followed with "and come here till i ask ya"

The_Valeyard

There is nothing worse than the limp wet fish handshake, just awful!

AndonHandon

A handshake is a nice way of cementing a relationship without getting too close so it needs to be firm and reliable I.e. To show that that is the kind of person you are.

I love whenever I meet my friend's engineering pals for the first time and most of them don't even think to shake hands; awkward, nerd stereotypes!

cajonlardo

The_Valeyard wrote: »

There is nothing worse than the limp wet fish handshake, just awful!

Yes there is.

Guy shook my hand at a meeting and not only was it limp wet fish handshake but he left a snot on my palm

Starscream25

cajonlardo wrote: »

Yes there is.

Guy shook my hand at a meeting and not only was it limp wet fish handshake but he left a snot on my palm

That caught me off guard while slurping on my soup. very funny

evo2000

cajonlardo wrote: »

Yes there is.

Guy shook my hand at a meeting and not only was it limp wet fish handshake but he left a snot on my palm

Everyone knows u leave a snott to leave a lasting impression... the more snot the more alpha the handshake

Mesrine65

Hope you had your anti-bacterial gel on hand for afterwards OP, never know where the dirty bugger's hands have been

The_Valeyard

cajonlardo wrote: »

Yes there is.

Guy shook my hand at a meeting and not only was it limp wet fish handshake but he left a snot on my palm

Bahahahahaahahahahaahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaahahahahahahahahahahaahahah


ewww, that is horrible.

fizzypish

cajonlardo wrote: »

Yes there is.

Guy shook my hand at a meeting and not only was it limp wet fish handshake but he left a snot on my palm

That was a psychological ploy to get in your head. You should have licked it off your hand and then rub your spit soaked hand through his hair. You'd have had him licked then!

seamus

The Mustard wrote: »

Kinda funny but true. Usually some old person trying to pump you for gossip.

Or one of those really snaky businesspeople in suits. I'm convinced that on those lame MBA courses they have a whole module of pseudo-psychology where they teach you "tricks" about getting people to do what you want.

In this case it can work. The guy grabs your hand and won't let go. You nod along to the conversation but in reality all that's going through your head is, "OK, holding my hand a bit too long. Yep, definitely uncomfortable now. Oh god, why won't he just let go? Is he ever going to let go? I can't just pull my hand away, he'll go flying! I want nothing more at this moment than for this guy to let go of my hand and go away".

All the while he's saying to you, "So, you're going to go to Syria for a year and run our office there and I'm going to move your wife into my house. She can stay in my room, I've a big bed", and you're nodding along unawares.

Starscream25

fizzypish wrote: »

That was a psychological ploy to get in your head. You should have licked it off your hand and then rub your spit soaked hand through his hair. You'd have had him licked then!

Or lick it off......slowly, then do a dumb and dumber on it and spit it right back in his face

diomed

In Africa when they shake your hand they hold on to it and have a conversation. This can go on for minutes.

csallmighty

Aren't a lot of handshakes faked because people do the firm handshake on purpose to make a good impression?

csallmighty

Vomit

I hate those people who are overly aware of the 'upper hand' thing and almost break your arm trying to rotate it. Twats.

Magico Gonzalez

Over here everyone gets a peck on the cheek and some form a physical contact..I dunno, I was not comfortable when I first arrived but now I kind of like it.

A wee kiss, a bit of shoulder touching, it breaks down a few barriers and creates a sort of informal social bond. Can be accompanied with a handshake. For me it removes the awkwardness of a first encounter if you commit to it without thinking. Not too much contact of course.

I do notice when I am back home that we are little bit touch phobic, like any kind of man to man touching is opening a small window for a raging orgy. I noticed the first few months here friends and family, fellas, would have no issue putting their hand on your shoulder when chatting to you about something, it's not considered unusual and wouldn't provoke the discomfort it does at home.

Same in some asian countries were lads will be wandering about hand in hand to show friendship, strangely the same countries were extreme homophobia is pretty common.

razorblunt

Vomit wrote: »

I hate those people who are overly aware of the 'upper hand' thing and almost break your arm trying to rotate it. Twats.

Yep, especially smaller lads that try to alpha-male the situation.
I've experienced the opposite in the last few months, using recruiters to fill some roles and both lads made an effort to turn their own hands palm up.

Was it a deliberate ploy to make us think they'd be pushovers when we discuss fees? Unknown, their candidates were shíte.

Potatoeman

dibkins wrote: »

If they turn your hand to the bottom then they have a psychological power hold on you.

You can counter that by placing your other hand on top.

evo2000

Potatoeman wrote: »

You can counter that by placing your other hand on top.

Few fine examples of how to counter that stuff!

Dyr

I'm a citeog so I like to go southpaw on sales/account manager types, catches them every time as they try to launch their bull**** hand shake strategy. They leave you hanging awkwardly while they try to shift their iphone/folder from their left hand.

the_monkey

Starscream25 wrote: »

Those kisses are a ****ing joke, fair enough if I'm in their country, I'll do things there way, but when I see irish people do it in ireland I'm thinking what a pair of muppets. Usually it's the upper class ****

Agreed absolute tossers, they usually do it in tennis clubs too before they have their glass of port while watching Crawford and Henley practice serve in their Tim Henman whites.

The Diabolical Monocle

the effort handshake is very David Brent.

Venus In Furs

I do make an "effort handshake" hopefully not too crushy (probably not as I've small, girlish hands) and more squeezy, but it's just purely to ensure that it's not a limp one dripping with insincerity.
It's not rational I know - it's a habit I got into years and years ago.

The Strawman Argument

Worst part of the whole removal/funeral process for a close relative is that handshaking at removals, you nearly wind up resenting your beloved relative for being so popular after you've been stuck there for 2 hours bursting for a p*ss having to shake a million f*ckers' hands.

Kevin McCloud

The Strawman Argument wrote: »

Worst part of the whole removal/funeral process for a close relative is that handshaking at removals, you nearly wind up resenting your beloved relative for being so popular after you've been stuck there for 2 hours bursting for a p*ss having to shake a million f*ckers' hands.

stadium pal ftw there especially if its winter.

El_Duderino 09

I think handshakes are fascinating. They're usually the first way we physically touch people when we meet them, so handshakes are full if information.

We're a social species and live and socialise in lots of packs (Family, Friends, Colleagues). When we meet people we can tell people about our intentions and how engaged we are in meeting them; Intention not to attack, Intention to be relaxed.

I think the weak handshake is misunderstood as being, weak, submissive, sneaky. Most people have never been taught how to behave in different situations and I think that leads to anxiety. They are anxious and genuinely don't want to engage with the other person, so they are inclined to offer a weak handshake.

I love a good firm, mutual, handshake with good eye contact and a relaxed smile. Lets you both know you're relaxed so you can have a bitta craic.

smash

Fcuk your handshake, go straight in for a hug to show them who's boss!