''cold hearted'' attitudes

Robsweezie

when I see someone having an emotional breakdown and whoring their grandparent's deaths on social media i just think get over it, especially when its natural causes at old age. timely? yes. tragic? no. they lived a long, presumably eventful life and now life goes on. . when my grandmother died of cancer I felt relief that she was free and at peace more than anything.im compassionate to a degree but still.....

do you have any attitudes that may be construed as ''cold hearted''? share away....

wretcheddomain

Slagging Linda Martin every other day. I think it's perfectly acceptable behaviour.

AndonHandon

I don't get public (I.e. Facebook) grieving, particularly when it continues long after the person is dead. Like I appreciate that the person who posts is using it as a coping mechanism so won't stop it but I don't want to keep seeing the legacy of the person be diminished this way.

ProudDUB

Robsweezie wrote: »

when I see someone having an emotional breakdown and whoring their grandparent's deaths on social media i just think get over it, especially when its natural causes at old age. timely? yes. tragic? no. they lived a long, presumably eventful life and now life goes on. . when my grandmother died of cancer I felt relief that she was free and at peace more than anything.im compassionate to a degree but still.....

do you have any attitudes that may be construed as ''cold hearted''? share away....

Telling someone who lost a loved one "to get over it" is a bit cold hearted, yes. Regardless of their age, it is still someone that they loved and that should be respected.

However, grieving on Facebook is very distasteful. Grief should be a private thing. It is not something that you compete with others for the most "likes" or "shares". That is very tacky, unless you are trying to raise awareness for suicide prevention/mental health issues, or funding for a certain disease or illness.

Thing is though, the people who do this tend to be attention seeking, drama queens for everything that happens them, not just a death in the family. They get dumped and it's the worst thing in the entire history of the world. They are in a minor traffic accident and they carry on like they've just been in a remake of Die Hard. They go away on holiday and they have to share every minute detail of it with everyone. I tend to give them a wide berth as they are just too energy sapping.

Macavity.

Facebook is just one big egotistical whore-fest in general. The insincere "you look gorge" type comments when someone changes their profile picture and blatant fishing for likes actually sicken me.

FB is useful for college and work related matters before someone chimes in with their awesome wisdom of how "nobody is forcing you to be on it".

chrissb8

When people put those status' up all I see is attention seeking at the height of it all. If you are that sad you wouldn't be on social media chatting to your mates and dossing around on a computer. What makes a person more important then another to warrant this. I feel it's like a child who fell over and is screaming extra loud so they can get more attention and sympathy for it. Old people die. Sorry if that is callous be as sad as you want but come to a degree of acceptance about it. I know for a fact I wouldn't want my death used as a sympathy card to people on facebook who barely know me. Death is a time for close family and friends and for me it is undignified to use someones death as a little "look at me".

Coping mechanism my arse as well. Just like social media idiots who are also armchair activists giving out and complaining about how oh so awful world hunger is and sharing videos about "awakening your mind". VIA them getting sucked in to this plastic world of "empathy" they are the least awakened people. Imagine someone telling you feel sorry for this and that. Why. It has no effect on me yes it is terrible but Jesus, bad things happen all the time I can't feel sorry for anything (went a wee bit off thought there sorry!). Now, what makes you so special that you can garner empty sympathy....."hope ur doin alright chick xoxo", "so sad ", "god needed another angel". Just fake.

I just think bottom line death is something that is a deeply personal thing. Abusing someones memory in order to garner likes and sympathy is selfish and desperately needy. Such and such who I met 3 years ago on holidays is not going to care. If you need comfort go to the ones who knew them and the ones who are going through the same thing. That's what I did and I'm sure that's how most people usually cope with death.

AndonHandon

chrissb8 wrote: »

When people put those status' up all I see is attention seeking at the height of it all. If you are that sad you wouldn't be on social media chatting to your mates and dossing around on a computer. What makes a person more important then another to warrant this. I feel it's like a child who fell over and is screaming extra loud so they can get more attention and sympathy for it. Old people die. Sorry if that is callous be as sad as you want but come to a degree of acceptance about it. I know for a fact I wouldn't want my death used as a sympathy card to people on facebook who barely know me. Death is a time for close family and friends and for me it is undignified to use someones death as a little "look at me".

Coping mechanism my arse as well. Just like social media idiots who are also armchair activists giving out and complaining about how oh so awful world hunger is and sharing videos about "awakening your mind". VIA them getting sucked in to this plastic world of "empathy" they are the least awakened people. Imagine someone telling you feel sorry for this and that. Why. It has no effect on me yes it is terrible but Jesus, bad things happen all the time I can't feel sorry for anything (went a wee bit off thought there sorry!). Now, what makes you so special that you can garner empty sympathy....."hope ur doin alright chick xoxo", "so sad ", "god needed another angel". Just fake.

I just think bottom line death is something that is a deeply personal thing. Abusing someones memory in order to garner likes and sympathy is selfish and desperately needy. Such and such who I met 3 years ago on holidays is not going to care. If you need comfort go to the ones who knew them and the ones who are going through the same thing. That's what I did and I'm sure that's how most people usually cope with death.

What do you do with a child? You help them up, encourage them and send them on their way, hoping they heed your advice. Just because a person is older does not mean they should be berated or insulted when all they need is the encouragement one would show a child. We all need to stop attacking each other aimlessly but aim to encourage and constructively criticise instead.

Ethel

Robsweezie wrote: »

when I see someone having an emotional breakdown and whoring their grandparent's deaths on social media i just think get over it, especially when its natural causes at old age. timely? yes. tragic? no.

Curious that the topic of conversation is to discuss your lack of empathy for the bereaved, as opposed to the vulgarity and distastefulness of the announcement over social media for the purpose of 'whoring', as you put it.

Venus In Furs

Depends on the person IMO.

I'm sure there are those who seek attention constantly, air dirty laundry, do the big dramatic yet vague post and then "Don't want to talk about it" if asked what's up... but lots of people just post up a heartfelt, personal thing they would like to share now and again, because they're in the head-space for it.

I saw someone posting a song and dedicating it to her deceased sister (who drowned several years ago) and saying she missed her - is that just attention-seeking?

Or when it's the reverse emotion, a joyous occasion, e.g. a new baby - is that just attention-seeking?

Not everyone is friends with anyone they barely ever met too.

ProudDUB

Venus In Furs wrote: »

Depends on the person IMO.

I saw someone posting a song and dedicating it to her deceased sister (who drowned several years ago) and saying she missed her - is that just attention-seeking?

Or when it's the reverse emotion, a joyous occasion, e.g. a new baby - is that just attention-seeking?

Not everyone is friends with anyone they barely ever met too.

A one time post about her sister? No that is not attention seeking. Posts about new babies...I dunno, I think that is more a celebration of a new life than it is attention seeking. A death is different. I don't think that should be so public. It just seems tacky.

A good friend of mine lost her father a couple of years ago. She was estranged from him at the time. He was a very violent man who hit her & her mother and drank very heavily. He was even drunk when he crashed his motor bike and died.

For the next year, she was posting photos of him as if he was the greatest dad in the world. I can understand her sense of loss in not ever having a good dad in the traditional sense. Maybe talking about him on Facebook helped her cope with it. But I know that most people who saw her posts and knew what an unmerciful b0ll0x he was, just looked at them and thought WTF?

Greenmachine

Mine is wishing bad on criminal, not the a kids stealing a bar of chocolate, or kids drinking in the park, or someone enjoying a joint in their own home. I am talking mugger, burglers and car thiefs. Personally effected by one of those three to the point. Of having to turn down a job at one point after accepting. I was broke at the time, wanted to give myself a new start, moved in with some friend was scrapping an existence with jobseekers and rent allowance. Started interviewing for jobs got offered a really good opportunity. Two days later my motorcyles was stolen, I had just put my last few quid into changing the battery, taxing and insuring. I could only afford third party.

Overheard a discussion a few weeks later, auld lad, and girl got in a pretty heated argument. Apparently auld lads kid had taken her bike from her garage. He was caught on video but thrashed. She had no insurance at the time. Naturally this esteemed gentleman said that what insurance was for. When she protested that it was locked up secure and she had no insurance. She knocked him a wollop and as far as I am concerned was entitled to. I made sure and gave her a high five.

bmcc10

ProudDUB wrote: »

A one time post about her sister? No that is not attention seeking. Posts about new babies...I dunno, I think that is more a celebration of a new life than it is attention seeking. A death is different. I don't think that should be so public. It just seems tacky.

A good friend of mine lost her father a couple of years ago. She was estranged from him at the time. He was a very violent man who hit her & her mother and drank very heavily. He was even drunk when he crashed his motor bike and died.

For the next year, she was posting photos of him as if he was the greatest dad in the world. I can understand her sense of loss in not ever having a good dad in the traditional sense. Maybe talking about him on Facebook helped her cope with it. But I know that most people who saw her posts and knew what an unmerciful b0ll0x he was, just looked at them and thought WTF?

Each to there own I suppose but haven't recently lost my own mother im not gonna go posting on facebook looking for sympathy of people who would walk past you on the street and don't really give a sh1te about you, It was fairly annoying though people posting it on there own wall and tagging me in it almost looking for attention of the back of someone else's problems, Close friends knew not to do it why should someone you hardly know do it, Simple text would suffice that facebook is a plague on society.

BlaasForRafa

ProudDUB wrote: »

A one time post about her sister? No that is not attention seeking.

You kind of hit the nail on the head with your post I think. If it's just a one-time occurrence or relatively rare then one understands and feels some sympathy.

However when it's done all the time then it does start to get annoying. For example, there's a woman I know who constantly posts facebook statuses about her fight against cancer and how horrible this or that treatment is. I'm sorry she's got cancer but does the whole world need to hear every little detail? It is literally a weekly occurrence that she posts a "woe is me" update and at this stage, instead of feeling sympathetic my eyes just roll when I see it.

If I had whatever kind of illness I would not post on social media about it, I'd talk to family or a very close friend about it and even then I'd probably prefer not to burden them with it. Just announcing every time something happens to you to the general public just seems mawkish and excessively needy to me.

Super-Rush

During the summer my friends mother died. He rang one of his daughters and told her the news. He waited a couple of minutes before he rang his other daughter. Just as he was about to call her, his phone rang and it was her. Turns out daughter number one had went straight onto Facebook to broadcast the news and that's how her sister found out her granny had died.

RebelSoul

I can see right through this. You are looking for validation for your own emotions or lack there of. You want reassurance. "I'm a bitch, but I can't be the only one"

beks101

I work in a newsroom. So I generally tend to react to sad tragic global events in a cold, callous way.

Saudi King is dead, ah fcuk well there goes my night.
Paris terrorist attack, are you fcuking kidding me? RIP my life. When is this stuff going to end so I can get a proper night's sleep?
Plane gone off the radar somewhere in Asia. Fcuk my life. This needs to STOP happening.

Macavity.

beks101 wrote: »

I work in a newsroom. So I generally tend to react to sad tragic global events in a cold, callous way.

Saudi King is dead, ah fcuk well there goes my night.
Paris terrorist attack, are you fcuking kidding me? RIP my life. When is this stuff going to end so I can get a proper night's sleep?
Plane gone off the radar somewhere in Asia. Fcuk my life. This needs to STOP happening.

Ladies and Gentlemen; Anne Doyle.

DoYouEvenLift

Instantly lose a bit of respect for people who do this bullsh!t and sometimes unfriend them. And people 'liking' the statuses then, unbelievable.

Irish Guitarist

If you don't care enough about someone to want to know their grandparent has died you shouldn't be friends with them.

I think it's an incredibly immature attitude to think someone is announcing a death in the family solely for Facebook likes. I think it's far more likely that they don't want to go through the trauma of phoning everyone they know to tell them the news so they're getting it over with by posting a status.

If any of my Facebook friends don't care enough about me that they wouldn't want to know if someone in my family had died I'd rather they just pissed off and unfriended me now.

For Forks Sake

RebelSoul wrote: »

I can see right through this. You are looking for validation for your own emotions or lack there of. You want reassurance. "I'm a bitch, but I can't be the only one"

hope ur ok hun xxx

Micky Dolenz

Who the fcuk are you to dictate how other people feel and show those feelings. Mind your own beeswax.

flanzer

The same twats that put pictures up of the Caesar Salad in Rollys. That check in to the gym. That put in their kids life in pictures. STFU w@ankers.

I don't mind people announcing a loved one has died. A modern death notice so to speak

You wouldn't believe how streamlined my facebook is with the amount of ignores and unfriending I've done

Potatoeman

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Slagging Linda Martin every other day. I think it's perfectly acceptable behaviour.

She's a grown man, she can take it.

Robsweezie

Micky Dolenz wrote:

Who the fcuk are you to dictate how other people feel and show those feelings. Mind your own beeswax.

I'm not dictating, different strokes and all that, people will do what they do. I've even acknowledged that it appears cold hearted, I even shocked myself by feeling it, but it's how I feel. life is difficult and if you let a grandparent's loss affect you long term than you have to be stronger than that.

I am normally quite empathetic and compassionate I assure you . there are billions on this planet and countless others on this site, someone was bound to take exception and I appreciate that. maybe it's because I never truly grieved my own granny that my experience shaped this opinion. I didn't shed a tear and we all moved forward very quickly and didnt dwell on our loss. we all cope different I guess.

if it were a 21 year old dying of alcohol poisoning after a night out with a whole life ahead of him and a college degree in his sights than that would break my heart, but someone older and who had lived well into their 80s slipping away in their sleep would put affect me less. still a tinge of sadness, but less.

Grayson

When my Dad died a few years ago I was tempted to post something on facebook. It just seemed easier than telling everyone separately.
In teh end I didn't because it can be easy to misconstrue a post like that.

I will say though that my post would have been short, simple and informative. It would have been nice to be able to put something up and disable likes/comments.

_Kaiser_

- The nonsense in this country (and even on this site) of making people out to be a saint when they die, regardless of what they were like in life

- Facebook and social media in general is a waste of time, intended for the "look at me" generation and people who need the validation/approval of others

- No time for the shyte of tip-toeing around certain issues so as not to possibly offend the sensibilities of some overly sensitive/looking to be offended types. Just call it as you see it

sadie06

On the whole I agree that is is distasteful, but I think there is an obvious difference between those openly seeking a string of comments and likes, and those doing it for a different reason.

A unique example that happened within my social network recently. A guy's elderly parents went abroad on a sun holiday. The least healthy of the two was hospitalised because of complications with an ongoing condition. Before their son could get over, the healthier of the two died suddenly and this guy found himself alone, bereaved and holding vigil at the surviving parent's bedside in a country where he didn't speak the language. The second parent died within a week, and he was trying to sort out paper work, repatriation, and a double funeral.

To say Facebook came into its own during that period in an understatement. He checked in when he could and was flooded with messages of support, offers of help and touching memories of his parents. He was overwhelmed and very thankful.

I know it it an unusual circumstance, but there are times when airing your grief on Facebook is appropriate.

chrissb8

RebelSoul wrote: »

I can see right through this. You are looking for validation for your own emotions or lack there of. You want reassurance. "I'm a bitch, but I can't be the only one"

Yeah what other reason does a person start a thread like this? I'm sure the OP was well aware of this.

BlaasForRafa

The person I was talking about in http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=93963756&postcount=14 ? Another woe is me post today. Perhaps part of the reason she posts these is it's the first time anyone has paid her any attention.

AudreyHepburn

Robsweezie wrote: »

when I see someone having an emotional breakdown and whoring their grandparent's deaths on social media i just think get over it, especially when its natural causes at old age. timely? yes. tragic? no. they lived a long, presumably eventful life and now life goes on. . when my grandmother died of cancer I felt relief that she was free and at peace more than anything.im compassionate to a degree but still.....

do you have any attitudes that may be construed as ''cold hearted''? share away....

That's harsh OP. Telling some-one to 'get over' the loss of some-one they loved is very cold and unfeeling and the fact that you posted here suggests that while you are trying to seek reassurance that you did right, you know on some level that you were wrong.

I'd never post about the illness or death of a loved one line personally, it's distasteful and more about seeking attention than mourning your loss but equally I'd never presume to tell anyone to 'get over it'.

How cold can you be!?

AlteredStates

There are some genuine reasons why people put up death or anniversary notices ..

Like to let other family members know that the relative is thought of and their memory is alive...
So that friends and neighbors who care can recognise it. (Same really I suppose as to why people put an ad in the newspaper)

Grief can be never ending and it is a positive thing to express yourself and talk about it whilst also helping people remember that loved one. What other people think about it - whether cold or warm-hearted.. other than those concerned, is none of anyone else's business. Once their intentions are fine, I am fine with it.

There will always be the nosey hating neighbour whether it be real life or on social media!

Venus In Furs

So grieving of any death as long as it's not old people death is ok yeh?
When my paternal grandmother died she wasn't far off 100, she was in terrible agonising pain with osteoarthritis and literally crippled, she had to have the drugs absolutely poured into her every day to keep the pain at bay (and then more drugs to counter-act the stomach pain), her bones were in bits, she had to rely on my auntie for pretty much everything, which she (my gran) viewed as a loss of her dignity.
Her death was expected, not tragic, a release for her from the pain; she lived to see eight of her great grandchildren, she owed life nothing, life owed her nothing.
That doesn't mean saying goodbye wasn't hard though - it was heartbreaking. Obviously yeh, a young person's death, a sudden death, are much much sadder. But that period of realisation that she was gone forever was very difficult to come to terms with. So in short, it's not irrational for someone to be sad immediately following the death of a grandparent, no matter how old they were or expected their death is.

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Instantly lose a bit of respect for people who do this bullsh!t and sometimes unfriend them. And people 'liking' the statuses then, unbelievable.

The mother of a woman I went to school with died of cancer at a relatively early age a few months ago and she posted a very short note about it to Facebook. She never ever seeks attention otherwise. She barely posts. It was just a little tribute to her mother whom she loved dearly. And my thanks was sincere, so just put a little bit of thought in.

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

If you don't care enough about someone to want to know their grandparent has died you shouldn't be friends with them.

I think it's an incredibly immature attitude to think someone is announcing a death in the family solely for Facebook likes. I think it's far more likely that they don't want to go through the trauma of phoning everyone they know to tell them the news so they're getting it over with by posting a status.

If any of my Facebook friends don't care enough about me that they wouldn't want to know if someone in my family had died I'd rather they just pissed off and unfriended me now.

This. It's not the status alone, it's the person's history also. But most people are actually conceding that, following initial outbursts about how it's only attention-seeking.