boyfriend and I might be wrong for each other

LegacyUser

How do you know if a relationship has run its course? There have been a few instances over the last while that indicate that my boyfriend and I don't really have that much in common. I'm very musical and he doesn't listen to music, he thinks reading is for nerds and other things. Now I know that there can be differences in a relationship bit I can't even discuss my favourite band with him because he just shuts me down. If I'm singing, he - hopefully jokingly - tells me I'm flat which I find very annoying.

I can't seem to find any benefits of being with him even though I could a couple of weeks ago. We're only going out 8 months, so I know I probably shouldn't be feeling like this this early. But he seems very childish. He's in his 30 and has never lived out of home. He -again hopefully joking - says he'll never move out. Bit I just don't know what to think.

I don't know if I'm over reacting or over thinking things. Any advice would be welcomed

Chucky the tree

For me not having much in common wouldn't be a problem. However he's lack of respect and the fact he seems to act like a teenager is the reason I'd get rid of him. He must be exceedingly immature if he thinks reading is for nerds for example, that's the kind of thing I'd expect a 14 year lad to say to his mates. 8 months in and he's not going to get any better.

Merkin

You haven't actually mentioned one positive or appealing thing about the chap. That in itself probably tells you all you need to know. If it's not going to work just rip off the plaster and be done with it.

strobe

fedupathon wrote: »

How do you know if a relationship has run its course? There have been a few instances over the last while that indicate that my boyfriend and I don't really have that much in common. I'm very musical and he doesn't listen to music, he thinks reading is for nerds and other things. Now I know that there can be differences in a relationship bit I can't even discuss my favourite band with him because he just shuts me down. If I'm singing, he - hopefully jokingly - tells me I'm flat which I find very annoying.

I can't seem to find any benefits of being with him even though I could a couple of weeks ago. We're only going out 8 months, so I know I probably shouldn't be feeling like this this early. But he seems very childish. He's in his 30 and has never lived out of home. He -again hopefully joking - says he'll never move out. Bit I just don't know what to think.

I don't know if I'm over reacting or over thinking things. Any advice would be welcomed

The odd time someone will post an OP and it will be completely devoid of any positives about the person they are with. Most of the time, regardless of the situation, the person will seem to, just by writing about the person they are with, mention almost automatically it seems, that they love them and some of their positives too.

You're in the first group and every time I see someone in the first group I always just think they should end things for both of their sakes.

But you say it's only the last two weeks you've felt that way? All negative and no positive? So I'd say, if you genuinely think there might be something really special there potentially, and you might just be going through a bad patch, then give it another two weeks before making a decision.

But in general, if he read what you wrote he'd break up with you, and if someone gave you that description of how you'd feel about someone you were going to be in a relationship with, then you'd never get into it. So it does seem a bit like a dead end, at present anyway.

SterlingArcher

When you wrote he said you sound flat singing, I instantly pictured your boyfriend as Derek from step brothers.

Jasper_

I think he is just incredibly immature and insecure.

He may well feel that he is a bit of lessor person for not having these interests and so in turn mocks you for having them to cover up his own short comings. Same about the not living on his own or not wanting to, he is more then likely using immature humour to mask the fact that he knows himself that at his age the vast majority have flown the nest.

I don't think your over reacting in the slightest. If I was you I would gently confront him on these things, ask him seriously his opinions and don't let him joke his way out of it. If he actually 100% serious about these things then I would be gone.

DeclanJWhite

Well if his behaviour is uncharacteristic and has only appeared like this in the last couple of weeks, maybe it's a growing pain as he gets deeper into the relationship.

whiskeyman

When I started to read your post, I thought you were teenagers.
He needs to grow up.
You need to move on.
Even if you've nothing much in common, you need to at least share values and respect.
Without that, you've very little to build on.

readyletsgo

Sorry, he doesn't like music, at all? Anything?

Thinks reading is for nerds? Does he have an Xbox to play only Fifa (thats not a jab, I have consoles, but have a wide range of gaming interests, which included a lot of reading in games)?

Lives at home with parent(s) and 30 years old? Hopefully he is living at home due to an ill family member, otherwise....

Slags you every time you sing? (so bloody what if you're kinda off key, which I'm sure you're not as he doesn't listen to any kind of music)

Just from that, ugh, sounds like a bit of a Jack the no lad prat. Dump dump dump!

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies.

I know I didn't mention any positives but that's because I was just fed up. He's a lovely person, he gets on well with my Friends, family, my daughter most importantly. He made me feel happy and genuinely showed his feelings for me. But at present, the negatives outweigh the positives and I wish they didn't.

He likes music, but dance music. I'm a metal fan.
He plays fifa a lot yes and studies it.
He lives at home because he just hasn't moved out yet. No sick relatives and I'd say his mum is probably dying for him to leave.

The singing thing really pisses me off because I am a good singer, I sing all the time, and however jokingly he says it, telling me I'm flat is just plain insulting.

Neyite

fedupathon wrote: »

The singing thing really pisses me off because I am a good singer, I sing all the time, and however jokingly he says it, telling me I'm flat is just plain insulting.

Why would you be with someone who sneers at your talent at every opportunity? How is he showing respect for you there, or love?

Its a red flag for me I'm afraid, no matter how 'nice' he appears to be.

osarusan

fedupathon wrote: »

The singing thing really pisses me off because I am a good singer, I sing all the time, and however jokingly he says it, telling me I'm flat is just plain insulting.

Do ye have a habit of that kind of joking-criticism comments towards each other?

Does he think it is all just playful 'piss-taking' or does he know it upsets you?

If he knows you don't like it and keeps going on about it, that's different from thinking it doesn't bother you.

As for the rest of your post, plenty of couples have very little in common and get on fine - it means they'll get some time away from each other chich can be valuable.

I'd be worried about him not wanting to move out, regardless of him being in a relationship or not.

Was there anything that happened a couple of weeks ago that made you stop seeing any benefits to being with him?

Mr. J

I remember as a youngster being told to shut up/stop singing and or laughed at for singing by my older brother. It's such a sh*tty thing to say to somebody. You sing your heart out friend. Keep singing your heart out and if he ever tells you're flat - tell him to go f*** himself, like I should have done. I personally can't imagine saying this to somebody I loved. I just can't.

Captain Chaos

readyletsgo wrote: »

Lives at home with parent(s) and 30 years old? Hopefully he is living at home due to an ill family member, otherwise....
!

I don't see anything wrong with that today seeing as how most people were hit badly since 2008. Could be at home saving to buy a house. With rising rents around the country it's making it very hard to save for somewhere to buy unless you are happy to house/apartment share.

It's getting more and more common for people in their 30s to be still living at home. A good few of my friends still are as they are still going to college after holding off buying in the boom. Trying to work full time and get a job where you can afford to rent and save while single is next to impossible.

The last few women I have gone out with all in their early 30s still lived at home. Wouldn't be a deal breaker or I wouldn't even question it for a second.