Fantasy accessories for successful cycling in Ireland

Iwannahurl

This post, in response to this thread, got me thinking: leaving aside the bog-standard stuff (lights, reflectors, mudguards etc) what fantasy accessories would make commuter/utility cycling in Ireland a cinch?

I know of a commuter cyclist in Galway who, having complained to the Council about the constant presence of broken glass in the cycle lanes, was told to go and sweep it up himself.

So, two essential accessories to start with:

A large chunk of metal (to trigger the induction loops)
A brush & dustpan (to collect the broken glass)
...

Chips Lovell

Well maintained roads

Alek

Automatic airbrush that would paint a message of your choice on the body of a car that passes too close.

diomed

Anti-invisibility powder.

Skrynesaver

Teleporter so that I could successfully dematerialise and rematerialise in the manner cycle lane planners appear to believe I cyclists can.

mossym

Alek wrote: »

Automatic airbrush that would paint a message of your choice on the body of a car that passes too close.

even better, a set of these for the bike

mrcheez

Air-cooled version of these...

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Sensor and camera which takes pictures (preferrably short video) of vehicles which pass too close to cyclists and automatically sends it to the "Cyclist Protection" department within An Garda Síochána. The offenders will then receive a FPN or a stern bollicking, whichever works best.

Ole Rodrigo

- Real time analytics controlling traffic lights.

- Google self driving vehicles for commercial traffic.

- Self illuminating and repairing roads.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Forced Telepathy so that one could tell the driver that buzzed you exactly what you think of him/her and his/her mother.

JMcL

mrcheez wrote: »

Air-cooled version of these...

Just wait til the trolls see this. They'll be clamouring for mandatory sumo suits - in flourescent yellow of course!

dave_o_brien

Empathy.

Hunterbiker

A lamenated document explaining to Gardai why a cyclist doesn't need to use a cycle lame by law...

eeeee

A more powerful version of a hairdryer that can clear the road of glass and crap ahead of you. That weighs nothing and has no drag.

Consideration.

Cookie_Monster

A Star Trek-esque deflector shield

Boscoirl

Something to turn headwinds into tailwinds

07Lapierre

Non slippy ice/manhole covers etc.
Bones that don't break
Road rash that doesn't sting like hell!

NeedMoreGears

Commmuter Race Radar

Basic model scans the road ahead for potential targets and rearward for potential threats.

Delux model features ego defence mode and provides warnings if it thinks you can't hold off the guy coming up behind allowing to slow down to "recovery" pace. You can then give him the "that was me yesterday" as he blasts past you.

Jabel

1.Self balancing bikes, never have to worry about falling over or clipping out.
2.Voice controlled weather commands, when you shout "will the f**king wind ever stop" … it does

Viper_JB

Some kinda portable quick deploying ramp that'll allow you to cycle over cars parked in the cycling lanes (curse in Cork) preferably something that would cause lots of cosmetic damage to the car so they might learn after the 4th/5th time.

CatFromHue

A local environment dewinder, i don't like cycling in windy conditions

Koobcam

Pothole-spotting radar plus a laser to carve appropriately-sized pieces of rock out of nearby deposits and fill in the holes before you cycle over them on your €2,000 racing wheels.