Have a crush

LegacyUser

What do people think, is it ok to have a crush on someone when you are in a relationship?

While I would never cheat on my partner and I really adore him, there is someone at work that I really like talking to and I'm starting to feel like I have a crush on this person.
Is this normal / acceptable considering I am in a very happy relationship and genuinely love and fancy my partner?

I'm feeling a little guilty and confused over this.

Thanks

Tokyo

Just because you're in a relationship or marriage, doesn't mean that all emotion automatically switches off for most people, or that you have eyes for your partner and nobody else - you still notice when someone is attractive, and can still feel an attraction towards somebody in the same way that you did before you were in a relationship. Having a crush on somebody is fine, normal even. Trying to further it or acting upon it is where the problem lies. If you feel that your crush on this guy is becoming an issue, then establish some distance until it subsides. But if it's just a matter of feeling guilty because you find this person attractive, then I wouldn't worry about it.

LegacyUser

OP Here. Thanks Mike_Ie.
I dont think its becoming an issue as such but I do look forward to talking to him / seeing him in work. Nothing flirtatious has ever passed between us, but you know the fluttery happy feeling you get when you have a crush? I get that...
Is this enough of a reason to avoid this person until it goes away?
Or is it ok to continue to talk to him?
I know nothing will ever transpire from it, its just the feeling like Im somehow being unfair on my boyfriend by getting these feelings around another man.

blatantrereg

wondering_ok wrote: »

OP Here. Thanks Mike_Ie.
I dont think its becoming an issue as such but I do look forward to talking to him / seeing him in work. Nothing flirtatious has ever passed between us, but you know the fluttery happy feeling you get when you have a crush? I get that...
Is this enough of a reason to avoid this person until it goes away?
Or is it ok to continue to talk to him?
I know nothing will ever transpire from it, its just the feeling like Im somehow being unfair on my boyfriend by getting these feelings around another man.

Yes avoiding him would be the appropriate reaction imo.

Passing thoughts aren't something to feel guilty about. The thing is to let them pass, not indulge them.

Personally I think it's best not to think about people at work in that sort of way regardless of relationship status (though the extent to which this holds true probably varies between jobs).

LegacyUser

Thanks for your responses
I think avoiding him is best too, hopefully it will end up as a case of out of sight out of mind.

Chemical Byrne

My advice would be that workplace relationships are a terrible idea as they lead to all sorts or bad feeling and awkwardness when they turn sour.

Just leave it. It's just a crush. The feelings will pass.

ShowMeTheCash

Finding people attrative is something that will always happen.
Getting to know someone you find attractive and ultimately having a crush on them can happen but opens up a few questions.

How has this relationship developed?
I mean how do you know him, work? gym? something else?

This kind of thing happens a lot in the workplace as it is a place where you are forced to interact with new people regularly, you might find someone attractive then you need to work with him/her you get to know them you find out you have a lot in common, you find them funny you like talking to them etc etc....

You just need to ask yourself what kind of person are you?
It is ok to have a fleeting thought but are you actively trying to spend time with them? If so to what gain?

You often hear people say things like "I did not mean for this to happen" but yes you did you actively made it happen, not saying this will happen with you... or that things in some circumstance are pretty harmless!

But how would it make you feel for example if you found out your husband was flirting, taking lunch, having indepth perhaps intimate conversation with a woman at work, knowing his heart was all in a flutter at spending a little time with her... Even if he would never act on it, i doubt it would make you feel good knowing it happens.

The_Valeyard

People are often attracted or have crushes on people they know there is no chance of having.

Suppose just part of a fantasy or something.
Don't see the harm if you follow the 'look but dont touch' catagory.

blatantrereg

People you work with are not suitable subjects for masturbatory fantasies.