Less than a month 'till Valentine's Day

MagicHumanDoll

Right, I am looking for some friendly advice on this matter in the hope of being prodded in the 'right' (based on how the situation is perceived) direction.
Okay, so, backstory;
I'm a first year college student, in a long course (relevant if things go poorly) and it's one of those courses where we spend almost all day together in a studio (trying to not give away EVERYTHING haha) so developing friendships is not as difficult as other courses.
Now there's this girl I've had my eye on for a while now (I'm a guy btw in case you thought otherwise, although that's not entirely relevant /ramble) and I want to make a move.
I've only ever kissed one girl, a longterm girlfriend of mine during school and a big reason for this is that I'm not the most physically attractive individual (slight, below average height and, although not ugly, not stunningly handsome) I have a skin condition that can flare and affect my appearance although I'm outgoing enough to get over that.
I like to think I'm funny, intellectual and such, with a decent personality. I overthink things immensely however, being the type that does not do spontaneity often.
But, as I've matured and settled into college, I've felt as though I should stop thinking too hard and just do things (easier said than done)

Now, to the point of this post, apologies for my incessant ramble!
I want to make a move. Now not in a *have sex with me right now* kinda move, no no, I want to develop a relationship based on the mutual acceptance of attraction (sorry I can't describe that any better :L ). By that I mean like a friendship first and foremost, but one that leads to going for coffee or hanging out and potentially moving from there.
My idea is, although not a radically new one, but rather one I'm unfamiliar with. I wanna walk up to her (bare in mind we're in a studio filled with potentially 60 odd people) and hand her a card for Valentine's Day, wish her a happy one, and in my ideal world her open it, read whatever I've put inside (help with that pls, thanks) and her to I don't know.. Be willing to go for coffee and get to know me?

We are not currently close, but based on her traits and personality I feel myself slowly falling for her, and my question primarily to you lovely people, is how do I use Valentine's Day start building a relationship between us or is that too cliché? Or should I simply ignore Valentine's as a way to signal intent and simply build a friendship and hope I don't get left in her friend zone?

Thanks if you read this far, and thanks again if you reply

Chucky the tree

This might be a bit of crazy suggestion but I'll go with it anyway..... Why not just go up and chat to her on Monday and go from there? The Valetines idea is great for disney/hollywood movies but in real life it probably a pretty terrible idea tbh.

bee06

Firstly, there's no such thing as the "friend zone". There is either attraction there or not.

Secondly, i would find your Valentine's Day plan extremely overwhelming and a bit off putting. Grand gestures are all very well in movies but in real life a genuine effort to get to know her and ask her out in a non dramatic way would serve you better.

ABajaninCork

Invite the lucky lady out for coffee and cake, and take it from there. She can only say 'No'!

MagicHumanDoll

bee06 wrote: »

Firstly, there's no such thing as the "friend zone". There is either attraction there or not.

Secondly, i would find your Valentine's Day plan extremely overwhelming and a bit off putting. Grand gestures are all very well in movies but in real life a genuine effort to get to know her and ask her out in a non dramatic way would serve you better.

I get you, definitely right there!

Okay fair enough, but it's not really a 'grand gesture', just an invitation to hang out more than a romantic thing with gifts and what have you. That aside, the getting to know her will happen. Thanks!

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Invite the lucky lady out for coffee and cake, and take it from there. She can only say 'No'!

That's the intention, just need to stop over thinking it and go for it haha. Thanks!

MagicHumanDoll

Chucky the tree wrote: »

This might be a bit of crazy suggestion but I'll go with it anyway..... Why not just go up and chat to her on Monday and go from there? The Valetines idea is great for disney/hollywood movies but in real life it probably a pretty terrible idea tbh.

Very blunt but I get exactly what you're saying. In my head it seemed easier than just talking to her for some bizarre reason. Thanks, appreciate the input

strobe

Don't rely on Valentines day to make a big gesture, but also don't try to gradually build a friendship that will blossom into something, both not great ideas. Just introduce yourself the next day you see her, by starting a conversation. Then ask her if she'd like to go for a drink/coffee/whatever. She'll say yes if she's any interest, and no if she doesn't, and you'll know either way.

Good luck man.

MagicHumanDoll

Thanks Strobe, appreciate the insight!

Stavro Mueller

Whatever you choose to do, do not under any circumstances try that Valentine's card stunt you just outlined for us here. Everything about it is sending my inner creep detector into overdrive. I'd also advise against setting Valentines Day as some sort of deadline or D-Day for things to happen.

seventeen sheep

Please please let go of this idea. I'm cringing so hard for you at the thoughts of it.

I honestly find it hard to imagine the type of girl who'd enjoy being made a spectacle of like this. Even if she does share your feelings, there's a good chance she'll be absolutely mortified at being put on the spot like that. Also - being blunt - you've already said you don't know her well. If you make a big gesture like that out of the blue, she won't have a clue what your intentions are (she may suspect you're taking the piss) and anyways she won't know whether she wants it to go anywhere, when she knows very little about you.

Next time you see her alone, simply ask her if she would like to go for a coffee after class or something. Have a general chat, get to know a bit about each other, see if there's any real connection there. Simple as that. If it goes well, ask her for a drink or to the cinema or something, and take it from there. If you haven't got much in common and there's no spark there, well at least you can be proud of yourself for trying. If she politely declines the invitation, maybe ask her once more a few days later (in case it was a genuine case of having other plans); if she says no again, take it that she's not interested, and leave it at that.

Don't even think about Valentines Day until you're actually in some sort of a relationship with the girl. Which may well not happen in the next month, if it does at all. Don't have a set timeline/deadline in your head - just get to know the girl, see if there is mutual attraction, and take it from there.

Chloris

The only lasting relationships I've ever known to be worth shlt have been between people who became friends, maintained a friendship for a time, developed feelings for each other because of mutual attraction and having things in common and then courted each other. I don't understand how you can think you 'like' a person without being at least good friends with them first.

It certainly explains why there are so many awful couples who have no connections with each other and totally different interests though.

MagicHumanDoll

Alright cheers guys.
I'm not going to do that obviously, due to the overwhelming no. I appreciate all the input, and in all honesty am glad nobody held back on how poor an idea it was.
Thanks again,

Oh, and I'd appreciate if people stopped with the advice now, as I don't like being reminded how poor an idea it was haha!

Stavro Mueller

If you want the thread closed, you can PM one of the Mods here

The only new thing I've got to add to the "don't give that card/get to know her" suggestion is to find out if she's in a relationship already. Good luck!

MagicHumanDoll

Ah, it's grand I'll leave it here so others can potentially benefit haha :P Cheers mate!

dellas1979

MagicHumanDoll wrote: »

I don't like being reminded how poor an idea it was haha!

It wasnt a poor idea at all m'dear. Maybe just a little misplaced. Great idea/wrong time. Just speak to her first/suss out the situation, and maybe then, when you know her better etc, wow her with your ideas

MagicHumanDoll

dellas1979 wrote: »

It wasnt a poor idea at all m'dear. Maybe just a little misplaced. Great idea/wrong time. Just speak to her first/suss out the situation, and maybe then, when you know her better etc, wow her with your ideas

Okay thank you!

Yurt2

bee06 wrote: »

Firstly, there's no such thing as the "friend zone". There is either attraction there or not.

The friend zone is a very real phenomenon.

It go's like this: 'Nice guy' does 'nice guy things' over an extended period of time instead of asking her out in the vain hope that one day that girl will eventually give in and sleep with him.

Girl is aware of 'nice guy' feelings but doesn't tell him outright no thanks. Instead keeps the train of flattery, validation, gifts and emotional support as long as is possible but isn't honest enough to say 'hey, this isn't going to happen'.

I've seen it happen so many times with both male and female friends. Very frustrating thing to watch go down. Two people using each other under the weird guise of 'friendship'.

GUYS: Stop being the dishonest 'nice guy', be real, grow a pair and ask her out. If she doesn't like you move on.

GIRLS: Don't string guys along when you are aware of their intentions. I understand it feels good being pursued but get real and be honest with what is happening and don't take people for a ride.

The universe will be thankful....

tara73

I have a different view on the 'ask her out for coffee' suggestions out of the blue. I guess you're fairly young, under twenty?
At that age I would have been freaked out about a guy who's in my course and who I havn't spoken to before, coming up to me asking me out for coffee.

college time is the easiest time to get to know people without pressure. If you're in the same course you must have breaks where you could get in contact with her, drinking coffee without explicitly asking her out for it. from there you can see and get a feeling how she reacts to you, if there might be a chance for a date or whether she's even in a relationship.

try to hang out with her a bit, or in a group where she's in and take it from there.

MagicHumanDoll

tara73 wrote: »

I have a different view on the 'ask her out for coffee' suggestions out of the blue. I guess you're fairly young, under twenty?
At that age I would have been freaked out about a guy who's in my course and who I havn't spoken to before, coming up to me asking me out for coffee.

college time is the easiest time to get to know people without pressure. If you're in the same course you must have breaks where you could get in contact with her, drinking coffee without explicitly asking her out for it. from there you can see and get a feeling how she reacts to you, if there might be a chance for a date or whether she's even in a relationship.

try to hang out with her a bit, or in a group where she's in and take it from there.

It's not out of the blue, we've spoken several times seen as it's a studio environment. But yeah, thanks for the advice!

callmepetardu

Walk up to her and ask her out.

No elaborate cards (as others have said, that stuff is too 'Hollywood'). Do it sooner, rather than later. That way you can build up to potentially taking her out on Valentine's day. And if it goes badly, your attraction may be easier to drop because you know it won't go anywhere.

Best of luck though, I hope she says yes!