Making friends

dan2545

Hi, I'm in 1st year and I'm having a hard time making friends in UL.

I have sort of acquaintances but no one I'd really be saying more than hi to or talking about assignments and stuff to. I joined a club and went to it for about a month but I felt really lost in the amount of people that were also at it and didn't really get to know anyone and then just stopped going because it felt awkward being there.

It started off really well like our tour guide in orientation was really welcoming and everything but once we started properly and had such big lectures I never saw people that I was talking to during orientation again for ages.

I really want to try and make friends this semester coming and any advice on how to meet people would be really appreciated.
Thanks

iLaura

dan2545 wrote: »

Hi, I'm in 1st year and I'm having a hard time making friends in UL.

I have sort of acquaintances but no one I'd really be saying more than hi to or talking about assignments and stuff to. I joined a club and went to it for about a month but I felt really lost in the amount of people that were also at it and didn't really get to know anyone and then just stopped going because it felt awkward being there.

It started off really well like our tour guide in orientation was really welcoming and everything but once we started properly and had such big lectures I never saw people that I was talking to during orientation again for ages.

I really want to try and make friends this semester coming and any advice on how to meet people would be really appreciated.
Thanks

I'd advise joining some smaller clubs and socs, or some that have events on during the day. I know GameSoc have console day every Wednesday in the SU and if you're interested in games like Super Smash Bros or Fifa or Soul Calibur. Or if you join something like Rea Appreciation where you'll be sitting down talking to people. There's a recruitment drive in 2nd semester so you wont be the only new person joining

Aragneer

I know it gets really over-whelming in the big lectures but you should also have tutorial groups and whilst everyone may seem to already have their own cliques and groups, it would be good to try to just talk to ANYONE. If you're stood in the SAA queue, try to talk to someone there, try taking empty seats in the lecture halls that are beside people. They are always great places and people usually don't mind chatting. Stables and scholars are the same too.

Try going to international night on a Friday, it is always packed and people always want to talk

Chickentown

More than likely you are the problem and I hate to be so blunt about it but there is no point saying otherwise. You have possibly made this a really big thing in your head when it shouldn't be so hard, ever wonder why some people 'have it' and others don't, it has nothing to do with looks, ethnicity etc... just down to confidence. I bet when you speak to your parents you do not struggle for words the same way you do when trying to mingle in college.

Most people like to talk about themselves so you can use this to your advantage, be a predator next time you see someone from your class on their own, you can even engineer such a situation if you are paying enough attention, just go up and say hi, engage them in some small talk about the course and then ask them a question about themselves, then say goodbye and head off about your business. Repeat this with as many people in your course as possible. Then the next time you meet these people you will have already broken the ice and just let it flow from there.

Always remember, most people are just walking around **** scared of human contact and spend a lot of time analysing their own behavior and worrying what others think of them.

Once you know this there is nothing to worry about just initiate the process and it will fall into place from there. Practice makes perfect.

Tell me how

Chickentown wrote: »

More than likely you are the problem and I hate to be so blunt about it but there is no point saying otherwise. You have possibly made this a really big thing in your head when it shouldn't be so hard, ever wonder why some people 'have it' and others don't, it has nothing to do with looks, ethnicity etc... just down to confidence. I bet when you speak to your parents you do not struggle for words the same way you do when trying to mingle in college.

Most people like to talk about themselves so you can use this to your advantage, be a predator next time you see someone from your class on their own, you can even engineer such a situation if you are paying enough attention, just go up and say hi, engage them in some small talk about the course and then ask them a question about themselves, then say goodbye and head off about your business. Repeat this with as many people in your course as possible. Then the next time you meet these people you will have already broken the ice and just let it flow from there.

Always remember, most people are just walking around **** scared of human contact and spend a lot of time analysing their own behavior and worrying what others think of them.

Once you know this there is nothing to worry about just initiate the process and it will fall into place from there. Practice makes perfect.

The overall sentiment of your post is not untrue but anyone who does struggle with confidence in any way generally doesn't respond to being told that they are the problem.

I read that the OP is open to putting themselves out there (that's why they started the thread) it will take some effort but they seem interested and intelligent enough to ask for some pointers, not a smack in the face from a blunt instrument.

Well done OP. I think some of the early responders gave good advice and even chickentown (just realised the irony of that name given the post) makes some sense. Good luck.

Chickentown

Tell me how wrote: »

The overall sentiment of your post is not untrue but anyone who does struggle with confidence in any way generally doesn't respond to being told that they are the problem.

I read that the OP is open to putting themselves out there (that's why they started the thread) it will take some effort but they seem interested and intelligent enough to ask for some pointers, not a smack in the face from a blunt instrument.

Well done OP. I think some of the early responders gave good advice and even chickentown (just realised the irony of that name given the post) makes some sense. Good luck.

Agreed, sorry for being so blunt. I didn't mean it to come across that way, meant it as more of a kick up the proverbial backside, but if you are really struggling OP I suggest you read; How to win friends and influence people a book by Dale Carnegie, and test out some of this in the real world and see how you get on.

Midkemia

As sad as it sounds, the best way for me so far is just to get drunk and talk to as much people as possible on nights out. Have had mixed success so far. Probably not the best advice but that's what I do :P

893bet

Chickentown wrote: »

Always remember, most people are just walking around **** scared of human contact and spend a lot of time analysing their own behavior and worrying what others think of them.

Thats a great sentence!

9de5q7tsr8u2im

893bet wrote: »

Thats a great sentence!

I agree with you there

893bet

LuckyDude12 wrote: »

I agree with you there

..........................
.............


.......

...
..
.
(in my head......oh my god they agree with me, thats good, or it it? why did i say that, should have said nothing, cant keep my mouth shut sometimes, still though good that someone agrees, but if they said they agree and no one else said it does that mean everyone else disagrees with me? )

Gael23

Im a bit late on this but I went to UL with only about 5 friends that I already knew. The best advice I can give you is to join a few clubs or societies. Some of them you might have little to know interest in but you make friends. Back when I was doing my CAO and picked my course in UL a poster replied repeatedly to my posts and then we took things to PM where he told me about a club he was involved in. We arranged to meet and went along together to an event and what they did wasn't of huge interest to me and I really wasn't good at it but it introduced me to more people than I can count. For the next 4 years I would have gone to their events to chat to people I had gotten to know more than participate.

You mention about large numbers, some do have large numbers and theres not much you can do about that but others might have buy times that you learn to avoid. As well, people join clubs at the recruitment and go to one event and you never see them again so don't let one intimidating experience put you off.

Its virtually impossible not to make friends in UL, it just takes a tiny bit of effort from yourself.

Cadroc

My advice would be to try and join a committee of some Club/Society you have an interest in. That way you'll spend at least an hour a week with a group of people who have an interest in something you share an interest. In my opinion it's your best bet, and being part of a committee comes with it's own roles and responsibilities resulting in it's own confidence boosts. Email a club or soc and ask how to become part of the committee