Erasmus relationship

LegacyUser

Hey,
I have been going out with my girlfriend for almost 6 months, we love each other and everything is good etc.
We're both in the same college course which means we'll be going on Erasmus this September. However, I am a bit of an anxious person and can get very down about stuff, and am worried about going to somewhere on my own as I haven't got many friends in the course, but am also conscious of ending up stuck in a group where I won't branch out and learn the language/culture. We will be going to the same country, but at the moment we both want to go to different places and haven't really discussed the possibilities of going together. For my part, I don't want to come across as clingy and want go let my girlfriend go wherever she wants, as she is quite a free spirit and an independent person. Should I feel bad that I haven't even suggested going together or should we do our own thing?

HalloweenJack

Do you want to go to the same place as her?

I don't think you should feel bad about not suggesting going together. Has she done similar?

LegacyUser

To be honest.. Yes, I would. I don't mean live together but it'd be nice if we were in the same city. We haven't discussed the possibility really.. I did originally say that we should just go wherever we wanted to, then that I would like to go with her to which she said "we can visit each other"..

LegacyUser

I think a few months of being on your own and away from home might do you good. It's Erasmus, you'll be somewhere relatively close to home with no real stressors, so I don't think you need a group or girlfriend with you and you will almost certainly get a fuller experience going solo. You also have her to visit at some stage. Sounds ideal.

On a more pessemistic note, there's longer from now until you leave than you have been together, anything could happen in the next 8 months. Basing your decisions on such a new relationship at a time of huge change for both of you is not a good idea, don't construct a plan that could fall asunder and leave you more anxious about living abroad, make a plan that suits you that others can fit into if it's all good, but which won't fall apart if you're on your own.

iusedtoknow

I would keep it light and breezy for now

Going to the same country is actually a nice thing - it'll let you spread your wings AND be able to hop on the bus/train to see each other. One of my friends did his erasmus in Madrid and his gf did hers in Salamanca - it's a couple of hours by train/bus so you wouldn't want to be doing it too often.

Anyway, they made it work - visited each other every 3 or 4 weeks but both made great friends independently (both Spanish and other erasmus). Their wedding was like going to the united nations general assembly.

ivytwine

I did study abroad myself and it's such a great learning curve. I really grew a lot as a person.

This might sound a bit harsh but I think you should go to separate cities. If your relationship is strong it'll survive.

The reason I'm saying that is because when I was in first year I was going out with a lad and I thought it really had a future. I worried and worried about where I would go and I didn't want to leave Ireland at all. If I had been applying at that time I would have picked the UK so I could be close to him.

We broke up and I ended up going to a different continent, and I'm glad it happened the way it did. No offence to the UK but I can go there any old time.

What I'm driving at is that you're very young, and personally I don't think you should be letting your relationship make your decisions at this point in your life. If there's somewhere you want to go then go there; you won't get a chance like this too easily in the future.

Also my friend did hers in Italy and her boyfriend was here the whole time- five years on they're still together

LegacyUser

OP here. So we sent in our preferences (for two different places) and by chance were discussing it tonight, where we've discovered that we were both scared to broach the subject of going/living together for the year and actually do want to go with each other.

I don't know when our choices will become final but I'm kicking myself for not saying something before we chose now. I feel like we're missing a great opportunity at living together in a different country, travelling etc, especially as I could be the only one going to my chosen city due to low demand, whereas demand for hers will be high enough. Really down about the whole thing