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Fed up of drifting through life.

  • 13-01-2015 1:04pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I've posted here a few times before but can never get over this issue.

    21 guy, final year in college never really been with a girl. I've zero self esteem and put on a false prick front as a defence mechanism and therefore drive away people.

    My best mate (guy) has a got a girlfriend and it kills me every time I see him with her, or hear about him and her. I just can't accept why he can be happy and I can't. I also have feeling for him which complicates things even further.

    I've thought of cutting him out of my life altogether but he is in both sets of my friends, school and college, so to cut him out would in effect mean cutting out all my friends.

    I've felt like I have wasted my life up until now and am generally just fed up.

    I honestly just don't know what to do.


Comments

  • #2
    Shrap
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    BeenHereBefore wrote: »
    I've felt like I have wasted my life up until now and am generally just fed up.

    I honestly just don't know what to do.

    Ok. First up, this above. Mate, you're 21 and in your final year of college. If that constitutes wasting your life then your expectations of yourself are ridiculous. Are you planning on finishing the course? You clearly achieved a good leaving cert and are about to complete a degree. This is not the sign of a waster.

    Second - you are having heart trouble and that sucks for you. It's a very difficult position you are in that you have feelings for the person you call your best friend, and that must be wrecking your head. If you've been up here before, there are many many posts from people who have feelings for people who are in relationships and as you know, the advice is invariably to try and get some distance. For starters, stop calling him your best friend - he is your love interest, and it's clearly an unrequited thing. I don't know what else to advise except try and distract yourself and make other friends who don't know him.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thats for the response.

    In fairness, if you look at what I've done, I've done extremely well so far in academic and business terms. However, I don't see myself as a success at life.

    Surely life is about enjoyment and not just drifting through life, not engaging with it. I really don't want to cut out my mate as I do get on with him really well and enjoy spending time with him as long as his gf doesn't get brought up. I suppose though it may be time to bite the bullet but hes been such a big part of my life for the last 6-7 years.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hi op did you post here before about the same issue? Where you had to decide whether or not to do one extra year of college, with this guy being in the same class? If that wasn't you maybe look up that thread if you can, there was a lot of good advice there (although the person didn't seem to follow it) but perhaps you could gain something from it? It was pretty much the same situation. Ill see if i can find it perhaps and link it here later for you:)


  • #5
    LLMMML
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 108 ✭✭LLMMML


    I could be wrong but if you feel you should have had experience with girls but are interested in your male friend then you are probably having issues with your sexuality. Are you generally interested in men or women or both?

    You have some self awareness obviously so try and drop the "being a prick". Outside of college people will get tired of that very quickly.

    Honestly, it sounds like counselling would be beneficial. Your college will probably have a service. That would be my first port of call if I were you.


  • #6
    Nichololas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭Nichololas


    BeenHereBefore wrote: »
    I've felt like I have wasted my life up until now and am generally just fed up.

    I honestly just don't know what to do.

    A lot of people who are genuinely wasting their life haven't even realized it by 21, so you're WAAY ahead of the curve. And you're in final year of college, so you're not wasting your life.
    LLMMML wrote: »
    You have some self awareness obviously so try and drop the "being a prick". Outside of college people will get tired of that very quickly.

    Absolutely do this.
    LLMMML wrote: »
    Honestly, it sounds like counselling would be beneficial. Your college will probably have a service. That would be my first port of call if I were you.

    Try this. Also do other things that'll help boost your self esteem; join a gym / sports club / language or hobby group. It'll give you avenues for meeting other people, making friends and you won't be as reliant on your friend for companionship or as a social outlet.


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