drunken boyfriend

ankili

Um , hello . I'm very new at this . Idk for sure what am i gonna write about but all i know is i want to share things in my head .
Well for the start i'm in relationship that's been goin for 4 months now, and he's an amazing guy , sweet , and lovable for sure , he's treating me so nice and everything still perfect as it is. but , i know something's not right with him.

he's working at his family's restaurant including bars and clubs, and he probs really close with the alcohol stuff. one day he actually said that he have thus anger issues when he's drunk.. he breaks stuff , he gets mad if something comes up , once me and him go this event and i thought i'm the one who's gonna drunk , but i'm not , he is. he's taking of his clothes (just the top) and speaking to his friends and it's already 4 a.m i'm asking him if we can go home yet. he said 'go home, don't tell me what to do.'
i said that 'okay i'll go home by myself'
he said 'go ahead'
and he looks at my face as i'm gettin pissed but i don't say anything at all. because i don't want to . he's coming and he said 'babe are you mad at me ? okay let's go home '
he insist to driving the car. i'm so scared that we're gonna crashed. it's so dangerous. he don't want me to drive his car. he said that once his friends drove his car when they're drunk and they got car accident and hit some people, he doesn't want anything like that happen again.
and at the sudden , after i'm begging to stop the car bcause he's not driving it right, he's willing to give me the key and go home safely.
so , after that day i'm in major confused that i have this drunken issues with my boyfriend, i'm getting scared if he goin out with his friend, and till today everything went fine.
last night he said that he's gonna hang out at this small club,with his brother and friend, and he promise me that he's gonna text me right after he got home . i doubt that. honestly.
bcause i know when he goin out this late he never text me right. there's gonna be miss-spelled words or even he didn't text me at all..
at first i trust him that he said he fell asleep and can't text me .
but , last night he proved himself that he's not fell asleep.
i text him at 1 a.m juat checking if he already got home yet, because tomorrow he hve to go to work, it's weekdays . so i'm a lil bit concern.
while i'm soooo not focus watching dvd ,and still checkin my phone like thousand times , he still not text me back. he just read my text. and i wait till 3.45 a.m i call his cell , and he's not anwering my call.
i can't sleep. realky i kept thinking that what i have to do in this situation something's not right and i'm so pissed.
is it the right thing to do to get mad ? is he gonna still be honest with me when he hang out ?
i'm afraid that he's gonna start lying when i'm get mad at this situation ,
but, do i have to just forget the whole thing and let things like this happen over and over again ?
i do want to be the only person that he wants to talk about anything and honest about anything. i want to support him as his girlfriend , and don't want to be possesive one because the relationship doesn't work with the possesive stuff .
i just don't know what to do .

Guffy

Wind up? Get out while you can

ankili

gufc21 wrote: »

Wind up? Get out while you can

Is that really the best way ?

Guffy

From what i can read, and i obviously don't knoe him, he has an alcohol problem. On top of this he is violent when drunk. How long before it progresses from furniture to you? If he isn't in jail or dead from crashing, while driving home from work drunk before that ? Even if its just a couple.

You're only 4 months in. Do yourself a favour and get out before it goes to the next level. God forbid children are brought into the situation!!

Mr. Incognito

Everyone is an ass when they are drunk but anyone that is stupid enough to drink drive on a regular basis is going to end up hurting themselves and others eventually.

You were foolish to get in the car with him. Very foolish.

He was an idiot to let you.

This is not normal behaviour. Leave him and never look back.

ankili

gufc21 wrote: »

From what i can read, and i obviously don't knoe him, he has an alcohol problem. On top of this he is violent when drunk. How long before it progresses from furniture to you? If he isn't in jail or dead from crashing, while driving home from work drunk before that ? Even if its just a couple.

You're only 4 months in. Do yourself a favour and get out before it goes to the next level. God forbid children are brought into the situation!!

Thanks gufc21 for the suggestion and comments.. i'd really appreciate that.

ankili

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Everyone is an ass when they are drunk but anyone that is stupid enough to drink drive on a regular basis is going to end up hurting themselves and others eventually.

You were foolish to get in the car with him. Very foolish.

He was an idiot to let you.

This is not normal behaviour. Leave him and never look back.

Hello mr.incognito .
Thanks for the comments. At first yeah i think he's very clumsy and i think on some level i knew why he won't let me drive the car. On some level he wants to be the gentleman and not realize that he's that drunk . And he wants to make a good impression first goin out at his event that day.in the morning he feels sorry and thankful that i can confess him to me in charge in driving. The point is , i don't want this drunk think to be an issue, i really wanna help him get out from it and by don't let him lie to me and let him open his thoughts and what exactly he wants to do. Am i right ? Because i think thulis is the part of his flaw that i have to change him to be the good person if i really love him instead of leaving him . because he's a really nice person if he's not drunk. Well.. everybody is.

Penny Tration

ankili wrote: »

Hello mr.incognito .
Thanks for the comments. At first yeah i think he's very clumsy and i think on some level i knew why he won't let me drive the car. On some level he wants to be the gentleman and not realize that he's that drunk . And he wants to make a good impression first goin out at his event that day.in the morning he feels sorry and thankful that i can confess him to me in charge in driving. The point is , i don't want this drunk think to be an issue, i really wanna help him get out from it and by don't let him lie to me and let him open his thoughts and what exactly he wants to do. Am i right ? Because i think thulis is the part of his flaw that i have to change him to be the good person if i really love him instead of leaving him . because he's a really nice person if he's not drunk. Well.. everybody is.

You shouldn't have to change him. That's not love.

He does not care about you. He's violent and a drunk. He made a show of you by telling you to go home alone. He put your life in danger by deciding to drive when he was drunk.

He is not a nice guy. He's a nasty drunk who doesn't give a damn about your safety.

strandroad

ankili wrote: »

Is that really the best way ?

Yes you were just one bit of luck away from becoming front page news "tragic young woman". He might very well kill someone else soon.
You'd be deluded to stay.

skallywag

The two things which jump off the page at me are his anger issues and dangerous behaviour (i.e. driving) while under the influence of alcohol, both of which are very concerning. These are both obviously going to have a direct negative impact on you. You need to think very carefully about your next move. If I can only tell you one thing let it be the following. *Never* get into the car again with him after he has been drinking.

tinz18

OP, my boyfriend by his own admission turns into a nasty person when drinking spirits, he knows this and as a result he doesn't drink spirits and will only have a beer or two- he doesn't want people to have to deal with that side of him. But you can't change someone who doesn't admit they have drinking issues and that's what your boyfriend has.

The anger issues mean he should know not to drink. He disrespects you and shows you little regard and knows it hurts you, the apologies show you that but they mean nothing when he goes out the next night and pulls the same antics - if I were you I'd walk, I have friends like your boyfriend and they are all apologies for bad behavior after drinking but nothing ever changes- they still get wasted every weekend and some weeknights. He's not worth your effort if he's not willing to stop drinking.

Also, this is coming from someone who has lost several friends to drink driving...don't ever ever get into a car with him if he's been drinking. Get a taxi, stay in a friends house, if you can call your parents or a sober friend.

Chemical Byrne

Op he might be an OK guy when sober but he has a drink problem and when drunk is a dangerous violent person.

He is not your problem OP. Dump his loser ass. If you stay you are only setting yourself up for a lifetime of alcohol related aggression. Why would you want to do that to yourself? His problem,not yours. Get rid.

Stavro Mueller

If he's aware that alcohol turns him into a nasty drunk, then why hasn't he given up drinking? It really is as cut and dried as that. I mean, if you're a diabetic or a coeliac you have to cut a load of foods out of your diet whether you like it or not. If this guy's not willing to give up the drink then you're left with two choices. Either walk or accept that this is the way things are going to be.

If you decide to stay you need to accept that you'll be spending a lot of nights stressing out over whether he has made it home safely. If this is the way he behaves when he's drunk, then the possibilities of what could happen are endless. It's not beyond the bounds of possibility that he could find himself being arrested for drunk driving or assault. Or worse still, for killing someone on the road. He could of course wrap his car around a tree and find himself dead or paralysed. Someone could take exception to his obnoxious ways and give him the mother of all beatings. Taking this further along the line - how can you say for sure he won't beat you when he comes home drunk? Or if you have kids, that he wouldn't attack them either? If his drinking problem gets worse he could find himself out of work. I bet any time you socialise with him from now on, you'll be worried about what he'll do once he gets drunk. That's no way to live.

Look, I know you're mad about this guy but it is still only 4 months in. You've been given a sneak preview of what life with him is like. Not everyone's perfect but this guy's dark side is very nasty indeed. As has been pointed out, you can't change him either. Don't wish your life away, wishing he could be the person you want him to be.

MugMugs

Run far far away. He's somebody else's problem and believe me, you don't need the hassle.

Oink

You are describing someone who knows he drinks too much, knows he gets violent, drives drunk. And yet he is not stopping.

It is time to accept that he has wasted 4 months of your life. It sounds like his life is out of control to some extent.

As for your hopes of changing him... That's not what a 4 month old relationship is about.

Please, please, run away while you are still safe!

sporina

Oink wrote: »

You are describing someone who knows he drinks too much, knows he gets violent, drives drunk. And yet he is not stopping.

It is time to accept that he has wasted 4 months of your life. It sounds like his life is out of control to some extent.

As for your hopes of changing him... That's not what a 4 month old relationship is about.

Please, please, run away while you are still safe!

OMG - you have been with him 4 months - get out now!!
Above anything else, he drives while drinking - and you get into the car with him? Are you crazy? you could get killed - apart from the fact that he could kill himself or worse, others.
But as a matter of interest, how many nights of the week does he get drunk?

RossFixxxed

Once again I find myself trying to play devil's advocate here, acknowledging that many people have issues, and that you shouldn't just run away...... Then I read the post a second time. Run, run quite fast.