My life is very lonely boring and empty

LegacyUser

I am a single 36 year old guy that's very down with life. I live a very boring life. I work all week and do nothing at the weekends besides stay in watching TV or go to the cinema on my own as I have very few friends and those I do have are more less settled down now.Although I make a decent wage I'm not very happy in the work I do.Part of my problem is I'm not very out going .I've also been a blow in most of my life where ever I have lived, since I was born my parents have moved house on 3 separate occasions so I don't have that sense of belonging to a community or any childhood friends. I have only known my 2 best friends for the past 6 years and they are the only 2 friends I have. Since I've left college my life has been exactly the same, I feel like I've just let life pass me by. I was quite molly cuddled as a kid and didn't mature quick enough to not want to be at home with Mammy and Daddy, really regret not doing the J1 in America or traveling to other parts of the world, America is definitely closed for me now because I'm too old for a holiday and I don't have the experience education or skills for sponsorship

Other aspects of my life that I'm depressed about is being overweight, having self esteem issues and because of these things I have never had a relationship with a girl.
Because of my issues but mostly due to boredom I have gotten into quite a bad habit of drinking at home alone in the evenings, a bottle of wine a night on average. I need some advice on how to get myself out of this situation, I don't want to be a victim any longer

knucklehead6

What interests do you have? When you are watching tv is it purely cos the glowy box in the corner is glowing or is there a particular type of tv programme you like?

There are clubs and groups that cater to all interests, all you need to do is find one that is interesting for you.

Where in the country are you?

Starokan

Its simple really you have to take the steps to change. Set yourself realistic goals, for example the weight, losing weight takes a lot of discipline, you can make a lot of headway here by eating/drinking less and beginning to exercise. Even walking every evening will get you out of the house more.

Joining a gym would be good option, don't worry about being overweight, people who go to gyms and work out respect anyone who is making an effort to improve their bodies so no one will be laughing or mocking you. The gym instructor will take you through the machines / equipment and explain all. Once you get used to it it can be pretty addictive. If I were you that is where I would begin, once you begin to feel better about yourself I would say set yourself further goals to improve your social life.

You have one great advantage in that you have a decent wage, once you have money you have much more options - holidays etc

I don't know if you drive but if you do it might be worthwhile finding some decent forest walks or similar, the reason being getting out in nature has a tendency to pass a day in a very fulfilling way, its also a very good way to interact with other walkers etc and ultimately to join a walking group perhaps. More importantly it breaks the cycle of sitting in all the time.

The first part of fixing any problem is to acknowledge the problem exists, you have done this, the second part is acting on it, this is harder but you need to do it because you will never solve these issues by sitting in at home all the time.

kjl

I know this is going to sound a bit difficult to hear, but you have no one to blame for this but yourself.

I think you need to realise that you have a choice. You don't have to stay in all weekend, there are plenty of meetup.com events on over the weekend that you could attend. You don't have to drink a bottle of wine everyday. You could use that time instead to go to the gym and start a weight loss plan.

I know you have regrets about not going to the states, but why do you think it would be any different to here? Do you really think that you would just land there and you whole personality would change? I think if this is the type of person you are you would not fair out any better in the US than over here and at least you have some people here.

You say you don't want to be a victim anymore, but you are the one who is victimising yourself.

peckerhead

I have just one practical word of advice for you, borne of personal experience.

Nip that solitary drinking thing in the bud. It's a slippery slope, and if nothing else will hold you back in trying to effect the other kinds of changes you'd like to make. Nothing wrong with going for a pint with others, or having a few glasses of wine in company. But if you keep putting away a bottle a night on your own, nothing will change, and soon that one bottle may not be enough.

Candy_Girl

There's no magic wand here unfortunately, you're going to have to take some steps to get yourself out of the rut you're in. You have two choices

1. stay as you are and spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself...feeling like a victim.

2. start making changes - take up a hobby, join the gym, go for a walk do whatever you can to get yourself out of the house and break the habit you've created.The bottom line is that you're the only one who can do this, no one else can do it for you.

Why not write a list of things that you want to do/ change, stick it somewhere you can see it everyday. Try implement changes to achieve whatever is on your list and tick them off when complete....sounds silly but it works.

walshb

The first thing you need to do is quit alcohol. When you do then take the next step(s).

ManOfMystery

"My life is very lonely boring and empty"

My response : Life is what you make it.

Ok, so it's a cliché but it's also true. Asides from the 0.00001% who may win the lottery, most people will not waken up one day and find their life magically transformed for the better.

You have to make changes. If you're cold you turn on the heat. If you're hungry you eat. However when it comes to happiness and being content, people have a nasty habit of just letting things go and plodding on through life in their unhappiness without making the changes needed.

#1 - Ease off the drink, or cut it out completely. As is widely known, alcohol is a depressant so drinking a bottle of wine a day will leave you feeling crap physically, and crap emotionally. You will feel better just by cutting out the drink alone.

#2 - Make a plan for exercise. Doesn't have to be a gym - go out cycling, or swim, or run. The endorphins will make you feel better, and if you work on a balanced diet also then you'll lose weight too.

#3 - Look at your job role. You're not happy in it. Would you consider working abroad, even for a year or two? You could try and land a suitable role in the USA on a contract basis and thus fulfil an ambition and also widen your career prospects. There are also numerous jobs here which include travel and offer the best of both worlds. Why do you feel too 'old' to holiday/travel at 36? In this day and age 36 is still considered young.

#4 - You say you're not outgoing. This is part of your personality and not something that needs 'fixed' - you are who you are. However, that doesn't mean you have to lock yourself away in your house for every spare minute you have. What interests do you have? There are clubs for virtually everything, forums for everything, etc - get onto those and start communicating with like-minded people. It's much easier to make friends amongst those who you have something in common with. And once you build a part of a social network, it's easier to expand it if the desire is there - just like branches on a tree.

We're all armchair experts here and can give you some pointers on what you need to do, but ultimately it's your life and you know what works for you. If you want it to change, YOU have to instigate those changes. Why not have a long think about it and decide if 2015 is going to be the year you make some changes.

I'm the same age as you, and whilst I don't consider it old I do find that as time passes and 40 approaches it does get harder to make those changes. Do it while you still have some motivation to.

Wanderer2010

Unhappy Guy wrote: »

America is definitely closed for me now because I'm too old for a holiday and I don't have the experience education or skills for sponsorship

OP, what on earth makes you think 36 is too old for a holiday?? 36 is very, very young. I didnt go on my first holiday until i was 28 for financial reasons and even then that was only over to London! Look at it this way, would you rather be 56 and sitting in your chair filled with regret at all the world you haven't seen or would you rather be happy that you have the opportunity to travel and see wherever you want to see with no kids to tie you down and being your own boss? You have potentially decades left to take holidays and see a different part of the world (or even Ireland) every single year as most people go on at least 1 holiday a year.

There are also dozens of packages out there that cater for single people wanting to see America - just google "America single holidays" and you will get loads of responses. You get to meet a wide variety of people of all ages and backgrounds, see some stunning scenery in the process and make some unforgettable memories. OP, you really are wrong in your mindset that your holiday days are over, you just need to take that first step, just book a week or two in America and go for it, I guarantee you will get the taste for it and there will be no stopping you and your other issues will be easier to face. Good luck!

Rubberchikken

Join a gym, look u night classes, find a club that interests you.

You sound like you want to do something about it which is great, now all you need to do is make a decision what new thing you'll do this year.

Best of luck

WheatenBriar

Op,all the above advice is good
I'm just chiming in to tell you,you're not too old to go on holidays
That's ridiculous
Go just go
You'd be amazed at the number of people you'll meet and the confidence boost for you
Also visit people, give them your time
It's not all about sitting around waiting for things

seamusk84

I'd recommend getting into cycling or such like. If you have a good job you can buy some good gear and a decent bike.

Get out for big cycles at the weekend and when you start to get fit then you could join a club. Also join a gym and do some classes there, whatever you like.

I like a drink myself but try go dry from Monday to Thursday. Then at the weekend keep things moderated, 2/3 craft beers instead of a bottle of wine perhaps?

Best of luck OP

iusedtoknow

Whatever you do OP - do not try and change too much too quickly. Concentrate on one thing at a time

1. Try and knock the drinking on the head - at least alone or at home. It is a depressant to your mood and sucks motivation from you to do other things.

2. DO NOT try and get into a load of hobbies at the same time. Look at what you like now and then build on that. I made a few great friends here after moving to the US by going to a cinema group via meetup. We'd meet up at the cinema, watch a film together and then go out for a coffee or a drink afterwards. Very social and it as something that I enjoyed doing

3. Try and get to the gym twice a week. You don't have to go for "the hour" but however much you are able to do. If you aren't drinking you will have motivation and slowly but surely take off the pounds.

After you have taken a bit of control over your present situation, you can start looking at how to improve it and yourself. Maybe taking up a new hobby, going abroad for a spell on holiday and in general broadening your horizons.

The other thing to remember is , most if not all of us are drifting in some aspect of our lives. You have taken a very important step in realizing that you are wanting to do something about it.

LegacyUser

I would stop drinking alone. Drinking will only make you more depressed. Along with this you are having a lot of empty calories and it could make you want to eat take away's ect.

If you want to lose some weight I would advise you to go to slimming world. I spent years going on various diets but I found slimming world great. I lost over 4 and a half stone doing this. I found I could eat plenty and could have a meal out or take away. Look up slimmingworld.ie for the nearest class. Don't worry if your the only man there as the woman will help you out. Stay for the full class as you will always find out some good information or get some good tips.
Fill out the sheet they give you with all you eat and drink. Give this to the team leader and they can see what you are eating and advise you further or answer any questions you may have.
They also have a bronze, silver and gold award to work towards in regards to the amount of exercise you do each day. You start at a low amount but as you get fitter you do more. This will help you get out of the house, get fitter and help with your weight.


Why do you think at 36 you are to old to go on holiday to the USA? I am older than you and single. I have gone to the Usa twice on my own. I have been in New York, Boston and Washington. I have used the train to get from one city to another. If you look up www.amtack.com you can get more information. You can book your tickets from Ireland & if you book them about 2 weeks in advance plus you can get them at a lower price.
In regards to flights have a look at http://www.kayak.ie. For hotel rooms have a look at http://www.trivago.ie, www.travelrepublic.ie and hotels.com. Price the rooms on all sites. One time I saved over €150 by checking out another website in regards to a hotel room I was going to book.
I also found that the travel books by DK are very good. The top 10 ones for city brakes are good.

It is good that you have realised that you want to make some changes to improve your life. This is the start of the rest of your life. Remember the only person who can change your life is you.