Do you think interpersonal skills is something we are born with or we learn?

Justin1226

Do you think interpersonal skills is something we are born with or we learn?


By interpersonal skills I mean social skills etc.


I ask this because I am curious as to your opinions. I will e honest I myself lack these social skills.


Thanks for your help.

Mr. Incognito

Learned of course.

Saralee4

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Learned of course.

You just try to fake them until they come natural.

Bob_Latchford

Learned by practice

Tokyo

Op is there an aspect of interpersonal skills that are proving to be an issue for you in a specific situation? At the moment your post is more of a general discussion, which is not really suitable for the Personal Issues forum.

walshb

Mixture of both. Some people are just more naturally chatty and interesting and articulate, but events and experiences can help us and hinder us. The more time we spend in "positive environments and situations" the more we grow and the more confidence we gain. That's my view. We all need praise and encouragement, but also, we need advice and constructive criticism. The latter can be more difficult to administer and the more difficult to embrace. But it is very important.

Dave!

1- It's 'learned'
2- Fake it 'til you make it
3- You'll get better at it as you get older
4- Don't feel you have to become a social butterfly – just get comfortable being yourself

Saipanne

Justin1226 wrote: »

Do you think interpersonal skills is something we are born with or we learn?


By interpersonal skills I mean social skills etc.


I ask this because I am curious as to your opinions. I will e honest I myself lack these social skills.


Thanks for your help.

Almost everything is learned.

Rubberchikken

Learned. From your parents teachers friends everyone who comes into contact with you gives youthe opportunity to practice and learn.

I really believe they can be learned at any age, a person just really needs to be determined to put in the effort.

walshb

I would argue that some people don't just learn, they just are. Like really charismatic people and outgoing people. They learn, but it's in them right from the early years, no matter what environment they inhabit they have a magnetism and charisma. Similar to loud and brash people. They don't learn a lot of it, they just are it. Applies to a lot of human traits and personalities.

Wabbit Ears

walshb wrote: »

I would argue that some people don't just learn, they just are. Like really charismatic people and outgoing people. They learn, but it's in them right from the early years, no matter what environment they inhabit they have a magnetism and charisma. Similar to loud and brash people. They don't learn a lot of it, they just are it. Applies to a lot of human traits and personalities.

For the first few years of their life. Everything after that is nurture. You simply cannot use ' I was born this way' as any excuse for adult behaviour (actual mental and physical issues aside)

dudara

It's a combination of both in my opinion (the nature vs nurture argument). Some people are definitely naturally more outgoing and emotionally aware than others. But everyone can learn skills or techniques to improve their interactions. It's about having the self-awareness to see your gaps, and identify and implement actions to improve.

aidanki

the ability to communicate has always been a problem for me, any tips on where to start ?

Im v willing to learn, and change my ways, but im not sure where to start

Healthis

Sorry but you either have it or you don't.

Wabbit Ears

Healthis wrote: »

Sorry but you've either learned it or you haven't.

good old FYP

December2012

aidanki wrote: »

the ability to communicate has always been a problem for me, any tips on where to start ?

Im v willing to learn, and change my ways, but im not sure where to start

Are you having trouble in a specific situation, or generally?

There are many parts to communication; and all can be learned. But what's appropriate depends on the situation in hand. Work communication is very different to friendship, which is different to a lover, etc.

It starts with listening when somebody is talking; and thinking before you talk.

Wabbit Ears

like anything reading books on the subject is always a good beginning. Theres tons of self help books on amazon for little money and the kindle reader is available for most devices. Some people dont care for self help books, others find them great. Ive personally mixed feelings on a lot of the advice but Ive really learned some good things and discarded info that I dont think would work for me personally.

walshb

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

For the first few years of their life. Everything after that is nurture. You simply cannot use ' I was born this way' as any excuse for adult behaviour (actual mental and physical issues aside)

But some people are just born a certain way. Environment can play a part but it's not just environment. People can have the best nurturing in the world and still be nasty and mean and aggressive and dangerous, or behave in a way that is not explainable when you look at their environment and upbringing. Call it their wiring or their chemistry.

aidanki

December2012 wrote: »

Are you having trouble in a specific situation, or generally?

There are many parts to communication; and all can be learned. But what's appropriate depends on the situation in hand. Work communication is very different to friendship, which is different to a lover, etc.

It starts with listening when somebody is talking; and thinking before you talk.

everything really, Im v quite and don't have a lot to say TBH, its like my mind goes blank when I meet people, and as regards humour, Ive no sense of humor or can't make jokes or anything like that

can't remember last time someone rang me- come on lets go for a drink

its got to the stage when im sick of people telling me Im v serious and even more sick of people telling me im v quite

December2012

Are you happy with your quietness or is it something you'ld like to change?

aidanki

December2012 wrote: »

Are you happy with your quietness or is it something you'ld like to change?

yes its something id like to change, TBH, if your too quite as I am, its impossible to develop relationships with people, and making friends etc, its all about communication isn't it

and simply have the craic with people, if your v quite I mean people lose interest in you v quickly

Voltex

I cant stand over this claim..but your born with 50% of your personality, the rest is learned.
My experience with 3 kids is that 2 were born exactly like their mother, lovely people, naturally friendly, a joy to be around, always with a smile on their face..the sort of people you really want to "bump into" on the street...however the 3rd lad is like me..cold, clinical and overly analytical.

People are born with a propensity to be a certain way...if that propensity finds a home that's the way its gonna be.

Jack Skellington

aidanki wrote: »

yes its something id like to change, TBH, if your too quite as I am, its impossible to develop relationships with people, and making friends etc, its all about communication isn't it

and simply have the craic with people, if your v quite I mean people lose interest in you v quickly

I don't think it's that they lose interest (maybe some do) but a lot of the time I'd say people aren't sure what to say or do around someone so quiet, they probably do wonder if you're interested in them at all, some might even like you but don't know how to get the ball rolling because they don't get any feedback.

I think you'd really benefit from talking to someone who can get you started like a counsellor maybe, it's definitely a skill that can be learned imo.

aidanki

Jack Skellington wrote: »

I don't think it's that they lose interest (maybe some do) but a lot of the time I'd say people aren't sure what to say or do around someone so quiet, they probably do wonder if you're interested in them at all, some might even like you but don't know how to get the ball rolling because they don't get any feedback.

I think you'd really benefit from talking to someone who can get you started like a counsellor maybe, it's definitely a skill that can be learned imo.

any counselor you would recommend, particulary around limerick area ?

anyone any feedback on hypnosis treatment ?

Tokyo

aidanki wrote: »

any counselor you would recommend, particulary around limerick area ?

Sorry, but as per the forum charter, requesting or giving recommendations on this forum is forbidden.

KomradeBishop

Undoubtedly learned. This is an area of issues that I do not think has much in the way of professional help though, but I could be wrong (would be interested in others views on that).
If someone is suffering from anxiety, help can be gotten for that, but if that has led to underdeveloped interpersonal skills, there does not seem to be anything in the way of help for that - in my opinion, this seems to be a huge/fundamental gap in available treatment.

So, this is something that needs to be worked at, by gradual practice; stuff like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can give you the push you need for 'exposure therapy' there (with getting out of your comfort zone and doing things socially), which helps indirectly, but getting direct help - particularly if you feel there is a difficulty properly connecting with people - is more tricky, but the opportunities to practice this come, the more you do socially.

Some find that getting these opportunities can be difficult though, and CBT can help with encouragment for that, as you ultimately you need to make these opportunities yourself, by taking the initiative in doing more socially (and yes, this can be hard and result in setbacks at times, so it helps to have some kind of support for that - professional or otherwise - even if it doesn't directly help with these issues).