It'll be two years on Wednesday...

callmepetardu

Posting here as you've all been supportive and helpful in the past and I really appreciate it.

Wednesday the 14th will be two years since my Mam passed away. I still feel like I'm stuck in this eternal rut. Last month, I picked out a Christmas present for her and was queuing up before I realised there'd be nobody to open it.

I'm in my second year of college, and despite how hard I try, I'm struggling to get the grades I know I can get. I celebrated my 21st without her before Christmas and I just haven't been able to get positive since then.

I don't know what I can do. Counselling hasn't helped me too much, although it's been nice to have somewhere to cry. I feel like I should get over it but I just can't.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

LegacyUser

I wish I had some really good advice for you tonight. I couldn't read and not reply.
I think the main thing I can say to you is, and I'm sure you've heard this before, there's no time limit on grief. 2 years is not a long time in my book.
Getting on with it is great in theory - but you can't help the way you feel so don't be hard on yourself. At 21 you're finding your way in the world and there's all these changes and milestones, firsts and lasts. Of course you will miss your mum when these things occur. That's natural.

Regarding college, maybe reach out to classmates for some group study? Maybe it would help. If you find it hard to concentrate during class keep taking notes. But remember its only college, it's nice to have something to work towards of course but if you get bad grades in one assignment or test just try again for the next one. It's not the end of the world.

Like I said I wish I had something more useful to say to you. I hope you are ok tonight

Calmsurrender

I'm.sorry you got no replies here and I wish I had some good advice for you.
The only thing I can say is 2 years is not a long time at all and you can't make make yourself "get on with it" etc. It's a big loss. It will get easier with time but just not at this time.

I hope you are doing ok and have good people around you

beks101

callmepetardu wrote: »

I feel like I should get over it but I just can't.

Oh please don't feel this way OP. She was your Mam, she was and will always be a part of who you are in blood, body, heart and soul. You will never get over her loss. It's probably the greatest loss you will ever experience in your life. Please try to be kind to yourself as your mother would be.

I think you're very brave, white-knuckling through college and exams and bypassing some big milestones like your 21st and Christmas and to still be standing, living and breathing and giving it your best shot despite this incredible loss.

I think there will still be days in the months and years ahead when that is all that you can ask of yourself. Because you're human and you've lost your mother, someone you needed and will continue to need in the future when times are hard or life is confusing.

Continue with the counselling and talk, talk, talk about her. Talk to the people who knew her - your family, your extended family, friends of the family, people who grew up with her. Grief is an unpredictable creature. It's two step forwards, five steps back. Keep acknowledging that your mother and her loss is a big part of your life now and should be awarded the respect and reverance and time that it needs.

My own mother lost her mam before I was born. She sat across from me on the 30th anniversary of her death a few years ago and she bawled her eyes out. It never goes away because as long as you're on this planet, you will miss and need your mother and feel so wronged by her loss.

Keep your head up and your heart open. People care about you and even the people who don't know how to talk to you or deal with the subject; they still love you dearly. Just keep swimming You will become a stronger, more compassionate and loving person for going through this. And your mam would be so proud x

LynnGrace

Can't add anything to beks excellent post.
You poor thing OP, there really is no 'should' with grief, it just goes forward and backwards. Some days feel okayish, and then, without warning, you feel as if you are back where you started.
Well done on keeping things together, doing your exams, and everything. You are amazing. Keep going with the counselling, and keep reaching out, and talking. Take care of yourself.

heldel00

Fabulous post beks. My cousins lost their mam last April and it drove them mental when people said "ah sure you're lucky ye are grown up". Total and utter shíte. Doesn't matter if you are 23 or 53 your mam is still your mam.
Myself and my cousins talk about her constantly. My cousin gave birth to first grandchild 4weeks after her mam died. So difficult and still is but they talk constantly to her and get great comfort by keeping her memory alive.

Mr_Spaceman

Fantastic post, beks. Just very caring, lovely words, really.

It's coming up to three years since my mother passed away. And it only seems like yesterday. I think about her all the time.

What you've said has both struck a chord and made a lot of sense to me - and I'm sure the OP as well.