agree no present with brother getting married same year as me?

willow tree

So my brother & I are getting married next year, to our partners Obvs. Him in spring, massive wedding, me in autumn, small ceremony.
Would it be rude to suggest we won't exchange "gifts" which will inevitably be money. Seems silly to me, as I assume we'd exchange the same amount.( He much better paid than I am). We're close so I can just ask him. But wondered did anyone have any thoughts? I'd like to give Something thoughtful.

GalwayGirl26

That seems fair to me! Perhaps just exchange token gifts or mementos? Or the four of ye could go to dinner half way between the two weddings to celebrate?

CBFi

Completely agree with this. My brother and my birthdays are 4 days apart so we never do presents-we just celebrate both birthdaystogether with our family. A nice token gift would acknowledge the event better. Good call.

willow tree

Great to get reassurance, Thanks

Wabbit Ears

so, you want to agree not to give presents but want to give a present anyway? Why unnecessarily muddy the waters, if you agree no gifts, just don't give gifts.

willow tree

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

so, you want to agree not to give presents but want to give a present anyway? Why unnecessarily muddy the waters, if you agree no gifts, just don't give gifts.

Well I'd like to mark the occasion & there's a big difference between exchanging €300 & giving him a special photo framed or something small but personal.

Wabbit Ears

And then he will feel that, despite your agreement, he has to reciprocate.

FWIW I've neither asked for, given or received monetary presents from my siblings. That practice is just weird IMHO.

willow tree

You're preaching to the choir. Unfortunately some of my family are blinkered & think the moneys important. One brother told me "if its not in an envelope we don't want it".
The brother getting married will be grand. I'm going to ask him to sing a song at ceremony, he will be happy to do that as a present. Thanks for your thoughts.

Penny Dreadful

It was my birthday while I was away on honeymoon and when I got back my sister gave me a present of the funny snaps of our wedding day (prep photos in our house the morning of the wedding and silly stuff like that) in a cheap and cheerful photo album. It was a cool present and I (we really) loved it. You have so many proper pictures of the day it's great to have these silly more trivial memories of the day. Perhaps you could do something similar?

willow tree

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

It was my birthday while I was away on honeymoon and when I got back my sister gave me a present of the funny snaps of our wedding day (prep photos in our house the morning of the wedding and silly stuff like that) in a cheap and cheerful photo album. It was a cool present and I (we really) loved it. You have so many proper pictures of the day it's great to have these silly more trivial memories of the day. Perhaps you could do something similar?

This is perfect! They'd LOVE this! Thanks

mrsbyrne

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

And then he will feel that, despite your agreement, he has to reciprocate.

FWIW I've neither asked for, given or received monetary presents from my siblings. That practice is just weird IMHO.

.....and he can't get you the same thing you got him. He can't think of anything. He's ttired after the wedding. The inevitable anti- climax. Wedding related bills coming in the door....back to work blues.....really if it were me I would leave it. Next Christmas give him the snaps or the album or whatever. But no exchange of gifts should mean exactly that.

willow tree

mrsbyrne wrote: »

.....and he can't get you the same thing you got him. He can't think of anything. He's ttired after the wedding. The inevitable anti- climax. Wedding related bills coming in the door....back to work blues.....really if it were me I would leave it. Next Christmas give him the snaps or the album or whatever. But no exchange of gifts should mean exactly that.

I've already said he's going to sing a song at my ceremony as a present.