Friendships and Best friends?

LegacyUser

Hi
Feeling a bit bemused with my friendships recently. Im 32 and just seem to have less tolerance for friends these days. I have a group of friends from college who i call my best friends, me and 3 other friends. 2 of them are sisters. Now we have been on holidays, nights out, celebrated birthdays etc for the past 10 yrs or so, but I just feel annoyed with them all the time and I dont know why. We have a group text on Viber and most of our correspondance is through a group message, and sometimes this tires me out and i feel are they real friendships when we spend our time texting in a group. Even if one of them have something to say to me or ask me, they send it in a group and it just annoys me. This probably sounds ridiculous, but im doing my best to explain how i feel. When the 4 of us meet i sometimes leave feeling unsatisfied and wonder am i better off having one best friend than playing a part in this 'group' and is it real if you know what i mean...
I could be here all day talking about examples but I wont start that now. Just wanted to know about people in my age group and how they feel about best friends or friends in general. My bf and my mother seem to be more my best friends as i trust them more than anyone and they would be there for me no matter what.

paulmclaughlin

I could have written your post myself.

I think what defines best friends is whether they would drop everything non-essential to come help you if you were in need. We don't have to get along or even be satisfied with our friendship all the time. But I know when it comes down to it, I can rely on them.

My best friends and I have a group chat on Viber and all but the most private details are shared with the group, even when it concerns no-one but the two of us. I'd see it as keeping no secrets or having a bit of banter rather than calling each out.

LegacyUser

I feel exactly the same. I think a lot of it has to do with us growing in different directions away from each other. For example I do not have much in common with some people in my group who now have children because they are kind of consumed by their children, or another who is single who has developed a separate group of singles friends who she socialises with and she seems bored by the rest of us. We seem to have different interests now, not much in common anymore other than the fact that we are friends since school.

I have found myself distancing myself from them and same as the OP, I feel irrationally annoyed by them sometimes. Another thing that bothers me is that I feel one or two of them have become unbearable fake/shallow. I know that one will tell you everything is amazing, she is having a wonderful life and meanwhile in the next room her husband is saying how their business is about to go under, they have big financial problems and they are on the verge of breakup - Im not saying she has to share every detail, but the relationship feels dishonest when she is just pretending all the time. She has a sister in the group who also behaves this way. I dont think they were that way when we were young, or maybe they just didnt feel the need to pretend that everything was wonderful. I find myself not wanting to be honest about my life to people who are being dishonest about theirs.

Anyway, just wanted to share that you are not alone OP.

Shelly Cooper

I too could also have written this post. Have one friend in particular who'll invite me for odd girlie weekend away but that's about it. We used to be very close but understandably we are older now (have other commitments). Her demeanor towards me if I'm honest has always been slightly sneery but I had always taken it as joking/messing about and I would have never pulled her up on it nor would I have ever put her in her place by making a quip back at her.

Now that we are both 30, I cannot tolerate her little comments much longer. For example; if I mention something from entertainment news, say a celeb doing something outlandish or whatever, she''ll say " you're great with the useless information". She will do this in front of others. She will also make fun of my possessions and once even checked the label in my handbag to see what it was (primark by the way).
I feel that we are no longer good friends anymore and I question if we ever actually were. I now think she perhaps looked down on me all along. Don't get me wrong I'm not some waif on the side of the road, I myself have a good job, house and married to a great guy but lately I can clearly see she thinks of herself as superior which in my opinion is not real friendship. She herself is not married but in a long distance relationship, good job though its away from home.

The cherry on the cake was when we were at a hen a few months back. It was the next morning in the hotel room and I was standing at the end of the bed packing away some things. She called into the room (I was sharing with another girl) brushes by me knocking me onto the bed, I look over at her ready to smile about it and she doesn't even look back just strikes up a conversation with the other girl about the night etc. Again I said nothing but felt like dirt to be honest. I'm 30 now and feel I don't have to accept this kind of crap.

Like op I feel my true friends are my oh and my family and my attitude towards this "friend" is I''ll speak when spoken to but I wont be trying to make an effort as I have done in the past.
I know if I were to say anything/confront her, the tears would be laid on and I'd get the "I'd never do anything to hurt you" mumbo jumbo and I would be made to feel in the wrong.
Anyway, vent over now. Friendships do change and you do grow less tolerant in a way. You really do grow to appreciate family.

LegacyUser

Thanks all for the replies, looks like im not alone in feeling this way. And the post about the fakeness, thats so annoying, when people arent being true and honest then why would u waste your time being honest about your life.
And also Shelley the post about that 'friend'. i used to put up with that carry on the whole way through my 20's, and its like im mature enough now and more assertive in myself to not put up with it anymore. I was a people pleaser to all my friends, and I realised it didnt really get me anywhere. Do you ever notice its the bitchy people who get more respect??

Im fed up of fakeness too. Good point Paul about best friends too.
Guess we're all in the same boat, and Facebook is a load of lies! Because every friendship is perfect on Facebook!!