Girlfriend cheating?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

This is probably a strange one. My girlfirend and I had sex for the first time in 3 months a few days ago, now, I have a red rash on the top of my penis.

This happened to us once previously, when I first met her, then nothing until now.

Is it possible the rash is from a lack of sex? Or could it prove my gf has been sleeping around?

Do I tell her I now have this nasty rash after having sex with her???

Stavro Mueller

Your first port of call should be your GP to find out what the rash is. It might not be an STI at all. You're very quick to assume she's cheating...

Tokyo

OP,

at the moment the cause of the rash could be a multitude of things - I wouldn't jump straight to the conclusion that your girlfriend is cheating on you, and it's a little bit disconcerting that this is your first assumption. It could be something as simple as enthusiastic sex after not having any for a while, or if it was something passed between you two, that doesn't mean that she was cheating on you. Either way, the only way you are going got get answers on what exactly it is, is to speak to a medical professional.

Either way, yes you should tell her, purely from the point of view that whatever has caused it may have affected her too, and you should see a doctor, to find out what the problem is. Don't be confrontational, there's nothing to indicate that she has done anything wrong - just tell her that since you both has sex, you've developed a rash, and has she noticed any problems herself? Also let her know that you are going to the doctor to get it checked out, and that maybe she might want to do the same too, for her own peace of mind.

LegacyUser

Could be friction....

Could be a fungal infection....

Could be thrush......

None are STI related.

Chemical Byrne

Well OP, the only thing the rash on your penis PROVES is that there's a rash on your penis.
I doubt lack of sex would cause it, never heard of that.

First thing that comes to mind is have you had any irritations or rashes like this before? Friction from sex may have just aggravated it?

Then did you use a condom? Might you be allergic to latex or the lubricant in the condom?

Was she/you lubricated enough for sex? If not there may have been excessive friction that might cause this.

Getting and STI test would be no harm to be on the safe side. You could mention it to your gf and suggest she do the same to sure.

I certainly would not go throwing about accusations of infidelity unless you have something concrete to go on or at least something more credible than a rash that cannot be explained by other means.

LegacyUser

I find it hard to trust her unfortunately

She cheated on her 3 previous boy friends but assures me that this relationship is different. We have been together 2 years. Shes moved countries to be with me. I think my own lack of self belief and her track record gives me doubts.

Stavro Mueller

If you can't trust her, why are you with her?

skallywag

Annon11111986 wrote: »

She cheated on her 3 previous boy friends but assures me that this relationship is different...

:rolleyes:

OP, I am afraid that you most likely cannot possibly count on this being true.

LegacyUser

I dont know what to do...

I love her, and I'm sure she loves me, but there is a black cloud in the back of my mind.

LegacyUser

So its the general thought if its an STI shes cheating? Going to get it checked tomorrow

Chemical Byrne

She cheated on her 3 previous boy friends but assures me that this relationship is different.

Yeah, she probably said that to the last 2 boyfriends before too.

This revelation certainly puts a different spin on things. You are probably justified in bringing it up so.

To be honest, if she's cheated on 3 guys before, exactly how will this relationship be any different? Sooner or later she will probably do it again, possibly has already.

You might be well rid or her.

LegacyUser

Her previous bf was abusive to her, and she said she only kissed someone whilst with her. The last time she had sex with someone else behind her boyfriends back was probably 6 years ago.

Is it possible people can change for good?

She says this is different, as she claims I am the first person she has been in love with.

Shes left her family behind to move to Ireland to be with me...

Augme

A few potential big red flags here. Why haven't you have sex in 3months? If you haven't seen each other in 3 months that explains it but if you have I'd be very worried if 2 years into a relationship there has been no sex for 3 months if there is regular contact, even going 3 weeks would worry be. If you haven't seen her for 3months to have sex and giving her track record I'd struggle to believe she could last that long without sex.

Stavro Mueller

Annon11111986 wrote: »

So its the general thought if its an STI shes cheating? Going to get it checked tomorrow

I wouldn't even assume that. She might have picked up something from her previous boyfriends or the men she slept with before you came on the scene. Some STIs can remain dormant or flare up from time to time.

But no matter how much you say you love her, that nagging doubt will always be there. Can you live with that?

Lux23

First of, get yourself checked out and then if it isn't a STI, you need to face up to your lack of trust in a girl who has moved countries to be with you. If it is a STI, then at least you know your lack of trust is not misplaced.

LegacyUser

Augme wrote: »

A few potential big red flags here. Why haven't you have sex in 3months? If you haven't seen each other in 3 months that explains it but if you have I'd be very worried if 2 years into a relationship there has been no sex for 3 months if there is regular contact, even going 3 weeks would worry be. If you haven't seen her for 3months to have sex and giving her track record I'd struggle to believe she could last that long without sex.

We moved from having our own place abroad to living with my parents in a tiny house with an extremely squeeky bed. Our bedroom is beside our sitting room and my folks are always in.

bee06

Annon11111986 wrote: »

Her previous bf was abusive to her, and she said she only kissed someone whilst with her. The last time she had sex with someone else behind her boyfriends back was probably 6 years ago.

Is it possible people can change for good?

She says this is different, as she claims I am the first person she has been in love with.

Shes left her family behind to move to Ireland to be with me...

People can absolutely change for the better. A lot of people do stupid things when they are young and then they grow up. Go to the doctor, see what he/she says and once you know exactly what your dealing with you can talk to her.

Mick Murdock

She cheated once 6 years ago and kissed somebody when dating her previous boyfriend. Complete overreaction. Get checked for STI's before jumping to conclusions..

Either way, you seem to have low self esteem. I'd start dealing with that if I was you.

Hope it works out.

mada82

Still don't see why you's went so long without sex. I find that strange.

I certainly wouldn't assume the rash is an STI. it will probably just go away in a few days.

Stavro Mueller

mada82 wrote: »

Still don't see why you's went so long without sex. I find that strange.

I certainly wouldn't assume the rash is an STI. it will probably just go away in a few days.

I doubt the OP or his girlfriend are jumping for joy over the situation either but lack of sex never did physical harm to anyone's health. Seeing as they're stuck in a room with a squeaky mattress right beside the sitting room, in a house where the parents are always around, it's understandable that there's precious little bedroom action. I assume money's tight and they can't afford to move out or even book a hotel for a night or two.

Anyway, as advised, all you can do is go see the GP, find out what the rash is and work from there. Nobody here can tell you whether your girlfriend is or isn't cheating. You are going to have to learn to trust her though or you'll never be totally happy. Hopefully money will become less tight and you can get some sort of place on your own. Even a house share would be better than what you have now.