Extended family?

rosedream

Just want to hear people's opinions on this: How important is it to have extended family members (aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins) and if they were estranged to you, would you be interested in making a relationship with them?

My parents are separated and on my mum's side, there an aunt and uncle and a few cousins, but that's it. So that alone is very small, but obviously got to know them well, but even then, the cousins were way older than me.

But on dad's side, there is an array of aunts, uncles, cousins where if some of them was to walk past me on the street, I would not remember or recognise them.
I have different feelings on it, part of me wants to know them it was just hard growing up for me with some immediate family members, than another part of me is just angry over how none of my aunts or uncles wanted to know us, and we missed out on family occasions.

What's your view on extended families? I get that both ends of the party should want to know each other, so do you ever tried to make the effort to know them, or more importantly get your own kids to know them, only to be rejected?

pmasterson95

Know them
You never know when you'll need a spare geneticly suitable bodypart.

wretcheddomain

I have an extended family - they are all obese.

Contessa Raven

I'm an only child with divorced parents. I'm closer to my dad's side of the family but there are cousins there that I've never met due to my dad's brothers falling out 40yrs ago and one of them 'staying away' as it were. I would love to meet them and get to know them.
I always felt that I missed out being an only child. I was more comfortable around adults and didn't mix well with other children until I was almost a teen. Growing up, I'd only see the extended relatives at Christmas or weddings and I loved those occasions because of that. I'm quite close to some of my cousins because they were like the siblings I never had (and didn't have to put up with )
I don't think there's any harm in extending the arm of friendship. To me, it would be worse wondering about what could have been.

whiskeyman

It's nice to keep in touch with all those you knew well growing up and enjoyed times with.
I wouldn't actively seek out any members who I didn't really know to start new relationships though.

Baggy Trousers

You cant pick your relations and more often than not, they are a pain in arse.
Avoid them unless there is a will to be contested.

The_B_Man

I get on well with cousins (of which there are a lot) and aunts/uncles and we have some serious christmas bashes every year. All family occasions like christenings and weddings are all great craic altogether. There's no sense of obligation to show up. You always know you'll have a good time.

Theres a lot of cousins and i've met up with them outside family occasions a good few times, and used to hang around with a couple of them actually. None of my relations are annoying or anything.

If I didn't get on with them, i'd have boring christmas's every year and family occassions would be awful boring. So getting on with them is a benefit to me.

I grew up in close proximity to all my aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. Some living next door, others a short drive away so I would know them all very well and same then for my first cousins. I'd have grown up with them (I'm the oldest of the 1st cousins).

I think its very important for family know and get on with each other. Christmas or other events throughout the year wouldn't be the same without family members being around etc

I'm very close to my parents and siblings too. I'd be on the phone to one or other of my parents almost everyday and go home very very often too. Leaving after being home for the two full weeks of Christmas was painful.

pragmatic1

I have 4 cousins who I'd be very close to as we grew up together. Dozens of other cousins who I have nothing in common with.

Shenshen

I'm not even close with my immediate family. Ok, I'd be talking to my mum once every 2 months or so, and occasionally with my grandparents on her side or one of my brothers.
But I'm actually quite happy to be living in a different country, as it means I won't be easily guilt-tripped into attending family events.

I don't talk to anyone on my father's side of the family. When my parents split up, my father refused to pay any child support for any of us, with the full backing of all of his family. I ended up having to drag him to court when I was just 13 years old (my mother couldn't do it for me as we would not have been able to afford the legal fees which, as a minor, I didn't have to pay). So now I'm marked as the "bad seed" for having had the audacity of challenging a man with an income in excess of 150k a year to pay out 1k a months to see his 3 children through school.
They won't talk to me and I don't want anything to d owith them, suits me down to the ground

OldNotWIse

Couldn't really care less about any of them.

eviltwin

I have no relationship with any of them, probably wouldn't even know them if they passed me in the street at this stage. My husbands family are all quite close but then they are a lot different from my family who are all scum. I'm better off without them.

OldNotWIse

Shenshen wrote: »

I'm not even close with my immediate family. Ok, I'd be talking to my mum once every 2 months or so, and occasionally with my grandparents on her side or one of my brothers.
But I'm actually quite happy to be living in a different country, as it means I won't be easily guilt-tripped into attending family events.

I don't talk to anyone on my father's side of the family. When my parents split up, my father refused to pay any child support for any of us, with the full backing of all of his family. I ended up having to drag him to court when I was just 13 years old (my mother couldn't do it for me as we would not have been able to afford the legal fees which, as a minor, I didn't have to pay). So now I'm marked as the "bad seed" for having had the audacity of challenging a man with an income in excess of 150k a year to pay out 1k a months to see his 3 children through school.
They won't talk to me and I don't want anything to d owith them, suits me down to the ground

Fair play to you for doing that

OldNotWIse

I find extended family get togethers so unbelievably and mind-numbingly bring. It's become even worse since some of the aunts/uncles became grandparents. What is it about people that they become completer and utter dry s.hites when their kids procreate? Talking about potty training and th likes. Oh my God! Your grandchild sh.it? He must be a f.ucking prodigy :rolleyes: I consider myself lucky to have wonderful parents and a handful of very close friends (that I chose for myself, they weren't foisted on me by genetics).

Shenshen

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Fair play to you for doing that

Truth be told, at that point I was actually happy to do it. He's not what you would call a nice person, and it did give me some satisfaction seeing him in court and humiliated.

thelad95

Some cousins, I'd be close too, then I have some cousins I've never met or even talked to. My father came from a family of 12 so I have in excess of forty cousins on that side.

Being honest, I don't really care that much for most of my extended family. If I saw them I'd say hello and be polite but you don't need to feel you have to have a close relationship with somebody just because you have a blood connection.