Afraid of making a move on a friend

LegacyUser

I’m a guy who has just entered my late twenties who doesn’t really have any prior experience with women.

After I left school I didn’t have much contact with women socially speaking but thankfully that has changed in the last year. While I am a reserved person I would like to think that I’ve a good personality and have a lot of hobbies that make interesting person. Anytime I talk to a girl I talk to them just like I would if they were a guy (even if I am attracted to them or not) which has resulted (I think anyway) in a few girls I have met in the last year have shown interest in me but I wasn’t interested in them.

But the problem is when there is mutual interest and this has become a big problem as of late.

One of these GirlA asked me out on a date and we went on a few dates but it didn’t work out. Instead of being on high after finally dating a girl I was on a low as we never actually kissed, I went into kiss her and she pulled back only to then slag me on my approach (There is another thread on that here). All in all she wasn’t a very nice girl.
Then more recently there has been GirlB who is in the same social circle and I’ve known for some time but I’ve no idea where I stand with her. When I started getting close to her was the same time when she was about to go travelling we said we would meet up just he two of us but that didn’t happen. When she returned we finally did meet up but I’ve no idea if it was friends meeting up or was it something more.

Because I’ve no real experience I’ve no idea what to do. I met with GirlB there yesterday for drinks again I wasn’t sure was it a date or just friends meeting up. One side of me is saying there is no way a girl this attractive, sound would be into me (says a lot about my self-esteem but this girl does get a lot of interest from guys) then the other this was her idea to meet up and she didn’t invite anyone else. Anyway we stayed out for 3.5 hours then got the bus home and she went to the back seat of the upper deck. We just chatted away until it was her stop and hugged and said goodbye. Then I started thinking did she go to the back seat of the bus for a reason was I meant to kiss her?

I’ve never shown GirlB that I want to be more than friends but I don’t how to do it, even if I did I don’t think I would have the balls to do anything about it. I wish there was a class I could take that would show me all this. If I made a move at least I’d know where I stand but I cannot stop shooting myself in the foot by not doing anything. I’ve a long history of doing this as well, it’s like I never learn. I’ve probably made GirlB maybe feel unattractive by not doing anything either which is upsetting.

I pay to do stuff that I have fear doing like surfing, snowboarding, high ropes courses, rock climbing etc as I get great enjoyment out of overcoming a fear but for some reason I cannot do this for women.

TL;DR Like a friend but afraid of making a move and unsure how.

Help?

R.D. aka MR.D

Unless you two are 14, then her sitting at the back of bus was not an indication that she wanted you to kiss her.

If you like her, then tell her. Don't drag it out and end up in a situation where she thinks you are her friend and then all of a sudden you make a move on her and it's awkward and annoying.

HalloweenJack

You keep saying that you meet up with this girl but you don't know if she's meeting up as friends or on a date. I would suggest a simple approach to gauge her response.

Ask her out on a date. Don't go into a big story about how much you like her, just say: "Would you like to go on a date sometime?" Her answer will tell you what you want to know. And if she says no, well, you've got it out of the way and you haven't gone into too much detail about how much you like her or anything like that.

It's not an easy thing to do but it's a lot better than sitting round driving yourself mad by wondering why.

retro:electro

Didn't you already post about this the other day? Girl a and b and city x y and z? Didn't you get enough advice there?

GalwayGuitar

If she thinks you a friend then you have almost no chance.

kjl

OK so you don't have too much experience but at the same time do you know how to read social cues?

If I was on a date with someone I would make sure they knew it was a date too, but since this didn't happen did she give you any indication that she likes you.

I find girls tend to do a couple of things when they like you, they will dress up very nice and not just in casual clothes. They will touch their hair a lot and find excuses to touch you. A dead give away is if the present themselves to you in a seductive mannor such as extenuating their shoulder at you like this http://wallpaper.pickywallpapers.com/1920x1080/charlize-theron-looking-over-her-shoulder.jpg.

Personally I don't think sitting at the back of the bus is much of an indication and from the sounds of it she didn't ask you to get off the bus to walk her home.

Rubberchikken

sometimes it's a case ofyour damned if you do and damned if you don't. tell the girl you like that you like her. the first girl was mean (to put it simply). forget her and pick up your self esteem and move on.

let this girl know that you'd like to take her on a date. what do you have to lose?
good luck

Shrap

anna080 wrote: »

Didn't you already post about this the other day? Girl a and b and city x y and z? Didn't you get enough advice there?

Different person. I remember this OP was being given the emotional run around by a girl who one minute wanted him to kiss her, next minute told him off for it, then slagged him when he didn't make a move towards her on the next date. Playing hot and cold with him.

OP, you have nothing to lose by becoming better friends with this girl B. Maybe take the pressure off yourself and take your time about your romantic intentions. What I mean is, you could right now ask her out for a night just like she did, with no more invested in it than hoping you could repeat such a fun evening ("Hey, do you want to go out again at the weekend? The last night was fun"). That way you wouldn't be a bundle of nerves on the night, you might feel even more comfortable around her (even just as a friend) and if it goes well again, it'll be much less difficult to ask her the next time (when you mention the word "date"!).

I will say try not to read anything into every little thing she does (like sitting at the back of the bus). What she says out loud will be safer to go on!

Shrap

kjl wrote: »

I find girls tend to do a couple of things when they like you, they will dress up very nice and not just in casual clothes. They will touch their hair a lot and find excuses to touch you. A dead give away is if the present themselves to you in a seductive mannor such as extenuating their shoulder at you like this http://wallpaper.pickywallpapers.com/1920x1080/charlize-theron-looking-over-her-shoulder.jpg.

Umm, I must have missed the memo on how to act around blokes I have seduced then. Also, you'd go mad wondering was she extenuating her shoulder at someone else. I wouldn't take this seriously at all, sorry.

LegacyUser

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Unless you two are 14, then her sitting at the back of bus was not an indication that she wanted you to kiss her.

kjl wrote: »

Personally I don't think sitting at the back of the bus is much of an indication and from the sounds of it she didn't ask you to get off the bus to walk her home.

Shrap wrote: »

I will say try not to read anything into every little thing she does (like sitting at the back of the bus). What she says out loud will be safer to go on!

Yeah, I was just reading into that too much and maybe I wanted it to be a sign.

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

If you like her, then tell her. Don't drag it out and end up in a situation where she thinks you are her friend and then all of a sudden you make a move on her and it's awkward and annoying.

HalloweenJack wrote: »

Ask her out on a date. Don't go into a big story about how much you like her, just say: "Would you like to go on a date sometime?" Her answer will tell you what you want to know. And if she says no, well, you've got it out of the way and you haven't gone into too much detail about how much you like her or anything like that.

Rubberchikken wrote: »

let this girl know that you'd like to take her on a date. what do you have to lose?
good luck

I am afraid if I was to ask GirlB out on a date I would put a lot of pressure on myself especially at the end of it (considering what happened with GirlA) and become a nervous wreck thus being pretty crappy to be around.

But I do agree at least I would know then if I did which is better than the unknown.

kjl wrote: »

OK so you don't have too much experience but at the same time do you know how to read social cues?

If I was on a date with someone I would make sure they knew it was a date too, but since this didn't happen did she give you any indication that she likes you.

I find girls tend to do a couple of things when they like you, they will dress up very nice and not just in casual clothes. They will touch their hair a lot and find excuses to touch you. A dead give away is if the present themselves to you in a seductive mannor such as extenuating their shoulder at you like this http://wallpaper.pickywallpapers.com/1920x1080/charlize-theron-looking-over-her-shoulder.jpg.

So we were sat at bar both facing the same direction and while did she did kinda talk to me over her shoulder it may have been because of the way I was leaning back on my chair. As for touching not really other than showing our phones to each other and our legs sometimes touching under the bar not really. As for how she was dressed, while she did look well (nice clothes / makeup done etc) it could have easily been classes as casual.

We had talked about guys she has been on dates with and about how vain / no craic / odd they are. Then she would go on to ask me about me if I had any dates and ask me what would be my type etc.

It isn’t looking good is it?

Shrap wrote: »

OP, you have nothing to lose by becoming better friends with this girl B. Maybe take the pressure off yourself and take your time about your romantic intentions. What I mean is, you could right now ask her out for a night just like she did, with no more invested in it than hoping you could repeat such a fun evening ("Hey, do you want to go out again at the weekend? The last night was fun"). That way you wouldn't be a bundle of nerves on the night, you might feel even more comfortable around her (even just as a friend) and if it goes well again, it'll be much less difficult to ask her the next time (when you mention the word "date"!).

Yeah I like the idea of that as she did say to me we should head out again. But my fear would be I would chicken out on saying the word date.