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Guest asked what we'd like as a present - how to respond?

  • 05-01-2015 3:49pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 133 ✭✭


    Sorry in advance for re-opening this thread from a few years' ago but I have a question:
    A friend of mine has asked if we have a wedding list. We don't have a wedding list and would prefer cash. However I am very uncomfortable in going back and saying "we want cash". It just seems somewhat vulgar to me.

    How would people play it? Say sorry we don't have a wedding list, your presence is the best gift; or if he pushes should I just say that we would prefer cash?

    I am sure a lot of guests will just give cash anyhow, so a few here and there giving normal presents (or nothing at all if they so choose) would be nice as well.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,301 ✭✭✭Gatica


    That's opening a can of worms and you can't win unfortunately...

    depending on how well you know these people you can be honest with them. Otherwise, best to just say you're just looking forward to the wedding and being married. Stating anything wrt gifts will only end up peeving a number of people as to "crassness", "entitlement", etc.. even if that wasn't your intention.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Just answer his question. "No, we don't have a wedding list".

    No need to suggest anything further.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 133 ✭✭Radioheader


    I agree Gatica/pwurple, I will just reply " No, I don't have a wedding list". Anything else just feels wrong.

    If someone asks me directly if I want cash, I'll think I'll just say "it's up to you, the main thing for us is that you are there on the day"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,517 ✭✭✭Sunny Dayz


    Agreed with Pwurple & Radioheader - if guests don't know what to get you as a gift, the easiest/laziest option for them is to pop a cheque or cash in a card.


  • Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,957 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Hi Radioheader, I've given you your own thread for this. The thread you posted in was a bit contentious, so posters may have just jumped in with an argument without reading your post.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 332 ✭✭kkcatlou


    We got asked that a bit, but moreso through our families than directly (i.e. people asking our families what we would have liked). We didn't have a list, and didn't really want cash or anything in particular, so we just went with the "gift is your presence" sorta thing, and ended up getting cash from all the people who'd asked.
    Now looking back, I wish we'd put a bit of thought into it and thought of 4-5 presents we would have liked, as we got hardly any, and the ones we did get, we really love. Think of a few things on stand by you can tell your family you'd like if people do come asking. It may feel crass and rude, and that's how we felt, but you are actually making life easier for the people doing the asking. Think nice bedsheets, some Le Crueset homeware stuff, new garden furniture or pots, a good cutlery or delf set, Blue Book vouchers.... They all seem boring, but actually those sort of traditional presents are very much appreciated and cherished when you do get them, as these days, they are extremely rare.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,301 ✭✭✭Gatica


    The upside of a gift registry though is that it usually caters to most budgets. I'd imagine not everyone can afford to get Le Creuset or nice bedding, but may also feel under pressure if they were giving you that in cash.
    Although I suppose they may also not ask what you'd like and just give you whatever gift they can afford to get you...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Wedding lists are still very common in the UK and US and we got many guests asking if we had a list.
    We just said we didn't (we didn't need anything.... not like old days of moving into house and needed all the bits and pieces!) but we didn't state 'give us cash!' either... I think your guests will be smart enough to understand that cash or some other wedding gift would be most gratefully accepted.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 266 ✭✭nearzero


    I got asked this alot aswell coming up to my wedding & I just said - 'oh you are so good to ask, we havent been on a holiday for years and years so would love some spending money for our honeymoon, we will definitely have a drink on you' or something equally appreciative or try and keep it light.

    Most people were relived cause then they didnt have to go and pick out a present!! And 98% of people gave cash :)


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