Feel a bit guilty and not sure if I really should

LegacyUser

Hi.

Going anonymous for this one and apologies if I this is a bit long.

TLDR----> I feel guilty that I was dating other girls at the same time as my now girlfriend. Is this stupid?

Long Version:

I was in a long term relationship with a girl for 4 years which ended at the end of 2013. I was completely heart broken at the time but realised around March last year (2014) that that relationship was beyond salvation and I decided I had to move on.

Then in April I meet another girl. Call her girl A. I ask her out and we go out on a date which as it turns out is completely amazing or so I think. We went to a park walked around, drank coffee. We met around 15:00 on a Saturday and it went very well and ended up not leaving her until late that night around 23:00 after getting some food and going to a bar. I go back home and I am thinking holy **** that was an amazing date. I didn't kiss the girl as I was not sure it was culturally appropriate. (I am working abroad in Asia). Actually I was so happy about it and was certain we could go out again next Saturday. Fast forward to the next Saturday and she cannot go out because she had plans with friends so I ask another girl I am interested in out just because well I am a guy and found the other girl attractive too and sure it was all just a bit of fun. Went out with the second girl and it was also quite a nice date. Then the next Tuesday I leave and girl A agrees to have a dinner with me. I take her for dinner and it is equally amazing and she is really very beautiful. It ends up that we are sitting under a bridge singing songs and I am thinking well I should definitely kiss her. Would make travelling to the airport a bit sweeter. I try it but she rejects which is ok I am not upset just think ok. I have a feeling that she likes me but is holding out which is par for the course where we are.

Interestingly girl B comes to where I live on a business trip and I take her out again maybe 2 times and it is quite nice and I feel maybe she likes me. I try to kiss her and crash and burn and I guess you can say I see a pattern. But its not really a problem and I am not too upset and I take her home and no harm done.

2-3 weeks later I am back in their country and am texting Girl A during this time and we have dinner with some now mutual friends and she goes away on a business trip herself while I am there. Enter girl C. Girl C is a girl who I know for two years who we met through some friends and we have also been just friends. At that time I knew her I was in a long term relationship and had no interest and I am not a person who could cheat on a girl who I was in love with. But she contacted me and we hadn't met up in a while. I think this was around the beginning of June and we had food and I look at her in a different light and because things are going well I look at her in a new light and realise she is quite pretty and attractive. I go for the kill and crash and burn again. I realise that this isn't really the done thing around here but anyway no hearts are broken and everything goes along. I tell girl C I am travelling to city X in two weeks and she tells me she would like to join but has no money. I tell her **** it I can pay for you. I'd rather not go alone. Before we go on the trip we go out with some friends and I drunkenly kiss girl C. Cool I think she likes me. Then she kissed my friend the same night which I was a bit annoyed about but actually in the morning didn't give a **** and we travelleing to city x anyway and stayed there a few days in the same hotel room but she insisted on sleeping on the couch. Of course I invited her to bed just because well there is an attractive girl there and what have I got to loose. As the week in city x goes on she rejects my advances and actually I am not too pushed and don't really care. We have some fights and it's clear to me we are not compatible anyway but it doesn't effect our friendship and we still hangout. That is the end of girl C.

The next weekend I go back to other city Y where we spend all of our time and I go out with girl A again Friday Saturday and Sunday before returning to my adopted country Z. The weekend with girl A is again absolute bliss and when we went out on Saturday I tried to kiss her again but to no avail so my head is a bit wrecked at this stage. I go back to my adopted country Z spend a week or two there and then go back to Asia. This is July and during this time girl A is unavailable. I am bit confused about this but I figure out on facebook that she is spending time with some other guy who we bumped into on our first date. She says they are just friends which is fine and actually I believe it and it is most likely true. This guy lives in another country too and left for good and was just on a quick visit so I understand that she is not available and don't hassle her too much. Myself and girl A are colleagues actually and we eat lunch a few times which is nice. Then I leave to my adopted country for a week or two before taking a vacation. I decide to fly to country K on vacation in August. I plan to take two weeks away from work and I go to a country J which is nearby country L where I work. It's confusing. I am Irish. I live in Country G, work in Country I (regularly) and wanted to go to country J on holiday. Some friends mention before I leave on holiday that there is an event on towards the end of my holiday in country I and that girl A is attending. So I arrange it to go to Country J on holiday to specifically visit country I for two days on my way back home which is what I do. If I am honest I really wanna go to see this girl and need a good excuse to be in country I so went to nearby country J just so I could see this girl.

During this trip I date girl A again. As usual things are amazing and I finally kiss her which was great and I am already on a high. As we were travelling the next day I invited her over to my friends apartment were we could sleep and I offered her to sleep in my bed and I told her I will sleep on the couch. This was the plan but during the night she just came and invited me into her bed where we had a very nice time together but no sex as the communists were in town so to speak. At this point I am completely totally just wanting her more and more and don't go out with any other girls. While I was in country J on holiday before the short visit to country I, I kissed a girl in a club drunkenly but that was that.

After the holiday I returned to adopted country G and find out that I will travel to country I again in 2 weeks which I am extra excited about and motivated about. We text alot and she tells me she wants to go to bed with me bla bla bla. This time I travel to country I for 3 months due to special work related circumstances and I wanted to stay this long to be here. During these three months I am with girl A every day in a proper relationship and become completely in love with her and her with me. We have sex and actually this is her first time ever having sex and in country I it is kind of a big deal. I feel happy.

Then the guilt starts. I need to leave for Visa reasons and return to City X which I visited previously with my friend / whatever girl C. I invite my now girlfreind to join me which she accept and we have a great time. But during this time she is asking me all the time where I was last time and did I really go and do all these things alone and why didn't I contact her. The reality was at the time we had maybe had 1 or 2 dates and I didn't know where I stood so I just invited girl C (initially as a friend and then I was thinking maybe she likes me but whatever). I feel guilty about not telling her I was here with another girl at that time and just let it go.

Then a month later I take her on holiday with me again to country M and again the whole thing is amazing. We have a nice romantic week and I am absolutely crazy about this girl. She is beautiful looking. 9.5 out of 10 and absolutely has a brilliant personality with a big heart. She asks me about out initial dates because she thinks it is so romantic etc etc and I let slip that I dated girl B who she knows to see. She was not so happy about this for an hour and I discussed it and told her about it but never mentioned the trip with girl C to city X. She lets it go and everything is fine. I still feel guilty about not telling her I was with another girl but ok.

She also tells me that she has extreme jealously issues and is paranoid another girl will steal me. She admits that on her first date it was the best date she ever had until I did one innocent thing that angered her. I asked a British girl in a bar for a contact lens!!!! This is why she didn't go out with me the next week and I am so happy she didn't tell me at the time as I would have never went back to her on a date but maybe but now I can accept as I know her as a person and really like her.

Now I have not seen her since November but we want to continue our relationship. I am a verteran of long distance relationships so I know that we have to move together if we want it to work. I will be back in Country I(where we all work) end of January and maybe will even visit her in her home country T in February. But I know that she has very romantic ideas in her head and she tells me all the time she really wants to trust me but she is paranoid but it looks like I will take her to my adopted country G visa permitting. If that doesn't work out we will probably move to Australia/New Zealand/Canada together as I have a really good feeling about this girl. She is ridiculously hot and literally has 10 guys asking her out on a daily basis. Girl B and C were also very good looking attractive women in their own right but girl A edges it for me. As I didn't know where I stood I dated other girls and I feel really bad about this because it seems to be very important to her that I was in love with her from the get go so to speak.

So my question is should I confess this to her as it is a weight on my mind and she was even asking me yesterday how many times I dated girl B. She has no idea that I went to city X with girl C and thats why I didn't contact her. We went as friends and I was just a horny guy with a girl and would have slept with her if she wanted but nothing ever happened. I think we are great together but I am not sure whether I should be honest that actually at the beginning of the relationship I was just looking for a nice girl and kept my options open. I know this is probably stupid to some guys but I don't want to tell her this and risk damaging our relationship.

tinkerbell

OP, sorry this is not gonna be the advice you're looking for but I read until you started going on about Country J, K, I, City X Y Z blah blah blah and I stopped reading. It's just way too much info and complicated. I suggest you edit your TL DR if you expect anybody to give you decent advice as your OP is just ridiculously long winded....Sorry.

Keane2baMused

As tinkerbell said your post is waaaay to long.

Holy hell dude I got about as far as your short version and saw how long the rest was and said feck that!

But from your short version..

If your girlfriend was under the impression ye were exclusively dating and you were with other girls, well then that's basically cheating and yes you should feel guilty.

If you weren't exclusive then I wouldn't worry yourself about it too much.

sasperilla

My advice is to trust ur gut instinct. You weren't going out with girl a when you went away with girl c so you did nothing wrong really. But it might catch you out in future if you lie about it. if you do tell her, reaasure her nothing happened and u were only friends. Good luck !

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bee06

tinkerbell wrote: »

OP, sorry this is not gonna be the advice you're looking for but I read until you started going on about Country J, K, I, City X Y Z blah blah blah and I stopped reading. It's just way too much info and complicated. I suggest you edit your TL DR if you expect anybody to give you decent advice as your OP is just ridiculously long winded....Sorry.

Yep, couldn't make head nor tail of it either once the travelling started. But basically if you weren't exclusive then you have no reason to feel guilty. They all sound like total head wreakers as well.

face1990

As far as I can make it out (there's tons of irrelevant info OP) -
He broke up with his girlfriend, spent a while travelling, met and dated a few girls along the way (some were quick flings, some more serious).

Now he's back with his girlfriend and she's not happy that he was seeing other women and is asking lots of questions about it. She doesn't know quite how many he was involved with and he feels guilty about it/about not telling her the full story.

He's not sure if he should tell her or keep schtum.



OP, do you really want to get back together with you girlfriend?

LegacyUser

Hi Guys.

It is the OP again here. Basically I wrote this last night after consuming some alcohol. Sorry for the confusion. Basically here is a short version.

I am going out with a girl and before we were exclusive I dated other girls at the same time. My girlfriend found about about one of them and was a bit upset but was ok. However she doesn'T know I dated other girls. Now I feel a bit guilty that she doesn't know it all. Don't know if I should tell her or not.

Penny Tration

guilty_guy wrote: »

Hi Guys.

It is the OP again here. Basically I wrote this last night after consuming some alcohol. Sorry for the confusion. Basically here is a short version.

I am going out with a girl and before we were exclusive I dated other girls at the same time. My girlfriend found about about one of them and was a bit upset but was ok. However she doesn'T know I dated other girls. Now I feel a bit guilty that she doesn't know it all. Don't know if I should tell her or not.

That's not really all of it though.

She also has 'extreme' jealousy issues and refused a second date purely because you asked a woman for a contact lens.

Add to that, you haven't seen her since November, but are considering moving across the world with her.

This sounds like absolute madness.

Don't tell her. Why would you tell someone with jealousy issues about other people you've dated? It'd be pointless, because you didn't do anything wrong, but she would throw a strop anyway.

professore

You did nothing wrong IMHO. Your girlfriend OTOH seems to have serious issues.

Stavro Mueller

OP, I really think you need to go back to your original post and take out about 80% of what you wrote, including country this and city that. Maybe people need some context but the unnecessary detail is making it hard to see the wood from the trees.

Anyway I think what I'm reading about your girlfriend doesn't look good. Are you sure you're not a horny lad who's delighted to have a real looker on your arm? Because she seems to be paranoid and has jealousy issues. It doesn't matter if she has 10 lads a day asking her out if she's not so pleasant on the inside.

Mr. Incognito

It is good that you have labelled them A, B and C as thats all these women are to you. These are merely accesories to you. These women are people, not pet projects.

You measure how they like you by how far they are willing to let you go.

I cringed when you called your now girlfriend 9.5 out of ten.

I think you need to stop dating all three until you grow up a bit.

Rachiee

Sounds like she's gotten into your head a bit you hadn't even kissed girl A when you went on holiday with girl C.but nothing really happened bar a kiss. The info about the counties is ridiculously superfluous the gist is that after your first date which you didn't kiss on but before your second date which you still didn't kiss on with the girl you ended up in a relationship with you asked a girl on holiday kissed but didn't get together. That's no big deal at all and really none of her business but that said if she asked directly I wouldn't lite about it.

strobe

Right, girl B and C don't seem to particularly like you in any sexual//romantic/relationship way at all. They both turned you down and one of them went on a holiday because you offered to pay for it... Free holiday, woo!
So, yeah, I think you're making a lot more out of your interactions with them than actually exist. Girl B and C aren't interested, and it doesn't seem they were at any point. Nothing really happened between you and them.

So, if I'm reading right, you are kind of, but not really in a relationships with girl A and she's pressuring you to talk about whether you were with anyone while the two of you were apart? Is that right?

Well, you shouldn't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong, you seemed to try to make a move on the two girls (B & C) but it didn't happen, but you weren't with girl A at the time, so it's not really here nor there...

Yeah, forget about B and C completely, they aren't really relevant. Do you want to be in a relationship with girl A? Are you positive she actually wants to be in a relationship with you?