So lost since girlfriend left me last year

LegacyUser

Almost exactly one year ago, my long term girlfriend left me. It was out of the blue, and so brutally unexpected - it's still such a horrible time to think about.

So, I've moved on - or so I thought. Now, I'm not into myself or anything, but I'm a good looking guy. She dumped me a year ago - I always thought it might work out eventually. (we've known each other 6 years as best friends).

I discovered the other day she's seeing a new guy - a guy I know quite well. Now, firstly, he's a lovely guy - would hate to take away from the fact that he's a lovely guy. He did nothing wrong. Don't hate him or anything remotely like that.

But...I'm a good looking guy, I have a good job, I'm 6ft tall, work out regularly, but this guy.....he's 5 foot 4-ish, balding, drinks five days a week, is just....like I said, a lovely guy, but me and the ex have loads in common....tattoos, movies, TV, etc, and I am genuinely a good looking guy, who works out regularly, whereas this guy...again, nice guy, but he's into cars, drinking, chubby, balding and....yeah.

I don't want to make it about me versus him, but after spending years with this girl, to see her with this guy, kills me - I just CANNOT see what she could possibly want in him I don't have?

Now, logic would dictate - the reason matters not, what is, will just be, but it does kill me.

I've been on tonnes of dates - I mean, really, loads. But....nothing helps alleviate the hurt. I've seriously dated about 3 girls, casually dated a few others, yet no matter how good looking, how similar, everything we are, I'm thinking of this girl who, quite frankly, doesn't give two ****s about me....met her recently, and she just totally blanked me. The feeling of someone you still love blanking you is a fate almost worse than death, incidentally.

Everyone keeps telling me I'm better off but I just don't know what the actual **** to do. How can I get this girl out of my head. I feel like the 5 years we spent together were based on lies.

Keane2baMused

Looks are irrelevant, genuinely.

I wasted years of my life with someone who treated me like garbage and he was a good looking lad. So I left..eventually! His looks stopped mattering when he became a prat and all I saw was an ugly person through and through.

I'm not saying that you are that type of guy. But your ex left for her own reasons whatever they may be.

Blunt as it may sound you need to move on, she has. It's not easy when your head is stuck on someone I know, but the other option is to continue driving yourself crazy which will just make a difficult situation worse.

bjork

You seem obsessed with how good looking you are - you mention it in your post at least 3 times. Looks aren't everything, get over yourself.

She has moved on. She blanked you in the street. You know a little too much about her life and seem to have critically analysed her new relationship, which is none of your business. Leave her alone, take up a hobby and stop obsessing about her and also about how great you are. Perhaps carry out some critical analysis of your own personality.

Buona Fortuna

You mention several times how good looking you are. I'm sure that you are right.

Would there have been an element of narcissm in your relationship? Is it possible that your gf decided the more relaxed, more humorous, chubby, bald guy, would be more fun?

I don't know OP but I wish you well. I'm sure your best bet is to try and forget this girl and move on with your life.

missjm

Personality over rule looks and there gets to a point most people realise this. Looks fade with age, personality doesn't. Sounds like your girlfriend realised that this was what was important to her. The fact that she totally blanked you suggests things didn't end well at all, especially given you two were best friends for six years. Did anything specific happen that contributed to the break up? If so, it could also have an impact on her current decisions.

CollyFlower

You say she broke up with you "out of the blue" after 5 years together she must have given you a reason? .... Maybe you were too good looking for her. ;-)

piperh

The fact she finished with you and then blanked you makes me think she didn't find your relationship as perfect as you. It appears you have developed rose tinted glasses.

She has found something in her new relationship that was missing for her in yours. You need to shift your focus off the past and her onto the future and yourself.

Try moving in circles where you won't hear about her or her life and slowly it will become less important.

road_high

Sorry OP but this reads like your ego is more hurt than anything...

Sound Bite

OP as others have said this isn't really about missing your ex this is about your bruised ego.

By your own admission he's a lovely guy, that's why she's with him. It's interesting to note that you don't refer to yourself as a lovely guy but focus more on your looks, your job & the fact you are in good shape.

IMO men tend to rate physical attributes over personality whereas woman prioritise personality particularly as they mature/grow up.

A lovely guy will always win out in the long term

Jasper_

road_high wrote: »

Sorry OP but this reads like your ego is more hurt than anything...

This.

OP, get over yourself. Seriously.

Ever here the phrase 'Everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold'. Maybe take a sit down and ponder on this line for a few minutes.

I have dated stunners who where dry and uninteresting. I have also dated very average looking women who had me in stiches laughing and captivated with every word and idiosyncrasy. Have a guess which girls stayed in my life?

I'm not saying your dry and uninteresting as such, but I'm sure you get what I mean.

Shrap

OP, I disagree with the posters who see you as having a big ego because you've mentioned your good looks a few (or four) times. Every time you mentioned it, I felt sorry for you because it indicates to me that you are massively insecure in yourself.

In fact, I warm to the fact that you mentioned just as many times what a lovely guy your ex's new fella is, and I'm now hoping that you haven't taken such a knock back that you can't see yourself as a lovely guy too. Whatever happened between you that caused her to leave you out of the blue, one thing is certain now - Your confidence is nil, and you are describing the aspects of yourself that you are confident about (your looks, your job) as if that's all you have to sell yourself with. Mate, you're selling yourself short.

Perhaps you have had issues with being insecure all along, but one thing's for sure, you have them now and you really must stop trying to compare yourself to Mr."lovely guy". What is done is done and you've taken a huge blow, so try and pick yourself up and start again. Try and list your own lovely attributes, not in relation to your ex or her fella but in terms of what you feel are good things about you that you bring to a friendship. Concentrate on loving yourself for who you are, not what you look like. Doing this, and given time, you'll move on and not feel so much hurt.

I wish you well.

strobe

They just clicked, chemistry, ye know? You haven't clicked with anyone else yet, no chemistry. Yet though. Give it time man, it's only been a year. You'll meet someone, the two of you will click, chemistry everywhere, it'll be grand, don't try to force it. Breathe.

LegacyUser

There is a saying here in the country 'if you fall in love with a dung heap you won't see a dirty straw in it'

It means loves blind basically,it's not for you to fathom how other people's relationships work
Move on