should I ignore text?

LegacyUser

met a guy at start of the summer- we were friends to start but eventually got together. physically we didn't click at all so after a few weeks I told him this. he said he wanted to continue being friends. However as time went on it was clear he had higher expectations of our friendship - ended with him ranting at me on the street any not making time for him and only meeting him for a few hours at weekends-he felt I was squeezing him into my life ( I was I admit ). He stormed off and I admit I was kind of relieved not to have any more pressure on me and glad he didn't contact me. Over 2 months have passed with no contact but I got a missed call today from him. Im torn between texting him back. Part of me hates the way things finished and having hurt anyone but I don't want any pressure from him again. I dont want to raise his hopes again and realise we couldn't even be proper friends. I just hate ignoring his text though as I know it took alot for him to swallow his pride after he had stormed off. If there was to be any friendship been us Im not going to give him as much time as he expects( Im really precious about my time as I get older). This is what I do now- meet up with friends for a few hours maybe once a month and that suits me.i don't want to have to hang out with someone for my saturdays every weekend. is it kinder to ignore text or answer?

Pawwed Rig

Just ignore it and move on. Not something you need to give much thought to

athtrasna

If he didn't leave a voicemail then he can't be that bothered so why should you be? Ignore and move on

LegacyUser

So did he text you or did he call you but didn't leave a message? If you just had a missed-call message from him then by all means ignore it - it could have been a pocket dial for all you know, or if it was something important he could have left a voice-mail.

On the other hand if he texted you and wanted to meet up, and you'd rather not do that, then I think ignoring that kind of a message would be unkind. It's always better to just thank him, tell him that you felt uncomfortable with the pressure he was putting on you in the past and that you'd prefer to leave things as they are. Wish him all the best, and if after that he continues to insist on a meeting, then ignoring his further texts would be fair, in my view.

Honest rejection hurts much less than disregard.

MagicMarker

Someone who you only want to see a couple of hours a month isn't a friend. It's just someone you want as backup when your real friends are busy.

What's the point? He wanted to be more than friends before, that hasn't and won't change.

Stavro Mueller

I think you should just leave it. In hindsight, staying friends with this guy wasn't the best idea. I'm pretty sure he snapped because he still really liked you and being slotted in at weekends was like being rejected all over again.

You don't actually sound like you particularly want him as a friend but perhaps want to be nice because you feel guilty about what happened before. It's not always possible for exes to remain friends and this sounds like a classic case of it. And you know, being told you're so busy that you can only slot him in once a month nearly sounds like he's a nuisance afterthought. I bet if your're honest, even the idea of meeting him once a month isn't something you're looking forward to.

I think it'd be better to text him and say you think it's best for now that you don't contact each other. Is it cruel? Yes, probably. But how much crueller than giving him false hope?

HalloweenJack

I'd say ignore it.

It might seem like a kinder idea to text him back and explain why you don't want to have anything to do with him but you already do this. You've given him no indication that you've changed your mind since stating that.

Also, more importantly I think, by responding to him you're going to open the doors to communication again and he'll think it's alright to get in touch with you again as you've responded. Better to just ignore it and move on.

Rubberchikken

what is the txt suggesting?

if it's meeting up then maybe a simple negative respond will do the trick. a kind of 'thanks but no thanks'

Soft Falling Rain

ignoreText wrote: »

If there was to be any friendship been us Im not going to give him as much time as he expects( Im really precious about my time as I get older). This is what I do now- meet up with friends for a few hours maybe once a month and that suits me.i don't want to have to hang out with someone for my saturdays every weekend. is it kinder to ignore text or answer?

TBH op the above is the clincher for me. It pretty much sounds like you know it's not worth the bother and that you don't even want the friendship, so I'm not sure why this is even a dilemma?

As a general rule I've learned that this type of thing is best left to lie, if things ended badly and there's unresolved feelings then chances are they'll keep coming to the boil.

Just ignore and don't enter into a dialogue. He's a big boy so if he has head screwed on he'll understand what the silence means.

santana75

Soft Falling Rain wrote: »

Just ignore and don't enter into a dialogue. He's a big boy so if he has head screwed on he'll understand what the silence means.

I think this is mean spirited and a bit cowardly to be honest. I've been in this situation and I had the choice to be a coward and ignore the calls/texts or to face up and be honest with the other person. I chose the latter, even though it was the harder thing to do it was definitely the right thing because the girl thanked me for being honest even though it was hurtful to hear. I walked away knowing in my heart I'd done the right thing and she walked away knowing she'd been treated with Decency, honesty and respect.
Op its simple, imagine the roles where reversed here, how would you like the other person to treat you? Would you like them to ignore you or would you want them to be straight up and honest with you? Always treat others like you would wish to be treated yourself.

Stavro Mueller

I've seen plenty of posts here from people who have sent texts that haven't been replied to and calls that haven't been answered. Not everyone is good at taking the hint. Especially if they like this other person. Even then, for every person you'll see who says no don't text again, you'll see some who'll say text once more and see what happens. Don't bet against him trying to make contact again. I think it's better to be firm and straight.

sporina

i say put him on the ignore list! Christmas time has a habit of bringing out the lonely in people. Thats my experience. I have had 2 ex's contact me over the festive season - one was in the wee hours - one was not. But the relationships were dead.
He could be just lonely - just a thought - hard to say for sure though - each situation has is specifics.
Only you can know - but maybe take the above into consideration.