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Both of us want to live in a different area!

  • 02-01-2015 12:23pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey,

    Going out with my GF for 6 years. Both of us are 30. We lived together in a city for 4 years, then 1 year ago we moved to a midlands town where her family is from due to her work.

    I'm originally from the north west on the coast. I like my walks/cycling/nature etc because I grew up beside beaches, hills, lakes etc and in the town where I live now there is none of that. I'm constantly bored. On Saturday & Sunday I never leave the house as there is literally nothing to do, and nowhere to go unless I drive for about an hour.

    I've also got no friends here, which is largely down to my own fault, but I've met lots of people, just none are overly friendly.

    Anyways, I haven't spoken to my Gf about this, but I don't want to live here any longer. I love her and do not want to break up but I feel that's what's going to happen. If it does I'll be devastated.

    She has said in the past that she'd never live where I'm originally from as it's too rural and I understand that, but it's where I want to be. It's 2.5 hours away from her home, and she can't be without her sisters, mom & nieces etc....

    Has anyone else been in this situation?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    guest0 wrote: »
    Hey,

    Going out with my GF for 6 years. Both of us are 30. We lived together in a city for 4 years, then 1 year ago we moved to a midlands town where her family is from due to her work.

    I'm originally from the north west on the coast. I like my walks/cycling/nature etc because I grew up beside beaches, hills, lakes etc and in the town where I live now there is none of that. I'm constantly bored. On Saturday & Sunday I never leave the house as there is literally nothing to do, and nowhere to go unless I drive for about an hour.

    You have interests which you could pursue, cycling, walking, etc. You don't need to drive to a place to go for a cycle, you can just hop on a bike and off you go.
    Why can't you go cycling/walking on Saturday and Sunday ? There are cycling clubs in the Midlands. Why not join some clubs down there to pursue your interests? at least that way you would meet new people and possibly not end up bored.


  • #3
    Buona Fortuna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    Do you imagine that if you moved back without your gf you would be happy, or even happier?

    Is, where you're from in the North West, even the same place now? If its 4 or 5 years since you lived there, I'd imagine a lot of your friends would have moved on too.


  • #4
    seventeen sheep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 776 ✭✭✭seventeen sheep


    You really should let her know how you feel.

    Are you renting or do you own the place you're living in now? If renting, could a possible compromise be to move back to the city you had been living in together? I know you say she can't be away from family, but she might be more willing to consider that, than to consider moving somewhere more rural.

    What's the current situation with employment, for both of you? I'm from a north-west coastal town myself, and employment prospects are slim to nil in most industries. It's a big factor to consider in making your decision.

    You say you'd have to drive an hour to partake in any of your pastimes at weekends - an hour each way is a regular weekday commute, for many of us! If you really don't like driving, you could just go for a long cycle instead.

    I get that you're not happy where you are, but a compromise might be the answer. Maybe move somewhere that she can reach home easily, but not necessarily somewhere completely rural. Would one of the bigger cities (Cork, Galway, Limerick) be an option, depending on where her homeplace is? It might be a fair compromise.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sorry OP I grew up in the midlands and there's plenty of walking/nature/hills etc in easy distance so I think that's really the issue. You don't like the place and haven't made the effort to try and like it. You need to sit down and talk with your GF and see about a compromise, with the improved roads it's easy to live somewhere in between that would meet both your needs. Nothing is going to change if you don't talk so start there.


  • #6
    hardCopy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,969 ✭✭✭hardCopy


    You need to talk to her and give her some time to process the fact that you're unhappy. You say she wants to be near family but I'm sure she wants you happy and close as well. If she thinks you're happy then why would she ever think of moving, once she's aware of your feelings you may be able to come to a compromise.

    Maybe there is another location that would get you closer to the things you like without having to relocate all the way to the coast. Aren't there lakes and canals all over the midlands, maybe you could move out of the town but still be relatively near her home.


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  • #7
    Beaner1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 819 ✭✭✭Beaner1


    I'd leave her. Life is too short to compromise. There will be too much unhappiness and resentment if you you decide on either home town.


  • #8
    m'lady
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,859 ✭✭✭m'lady


    Beaner1 wrote: »
    I'd leave her. Life is too short to compromise. There will be too much unhappiness and resentment if you you decide on either home town.


    Leave her?! Wow what a dramatic reply. Why are people so quick to just leave a relationship when they hit a problem?
    OP speak to her and see what she thinks. Can you both not compromise and settle on a town half way between both your home towns? Also have you considered that you've rose tinted glasses on your home town, things are great when your younger and you've your mates etc but people move on. As others have already asked, what are the job prospects in both places?


  • #9
    Beaner1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 819 ✭✭✭Beaner1


    The city was the fair comprise. It's where you both met.

    Now you're moving based on where she got a job. Not only that but it's to her home town. 2-0 to her. Where do your needs fit in to this?


  • #10
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    For starters you should have a chat with your girlfriend and tell her how unhappy you are. I'm sure she senses it already anyway so it'll be no great shock to her. I'm sure some kind of compromise can be made if it comes to it. Or you could give living in the area another go and have her help you more. The Midlands get a bad rap sometimes but there's more to see and do if you open your mind. You didn't say whereabouts you're living but off the top of my head I can think of the Shannon, the Slieve Blooms, the two canals, big nature reserves. Not to mention all sorts of clubs. If you're living in a small town you might need to travel to access things you're interested in.


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