So I fancy this guy at work

LegacyUser

I hooked up with a guy I work with at our Christmas dinner thing a few weeks ago.

The following week we were training together and one night I ended up with him again - we went for drinks after work, ended up back at his, I spent the night with him and it was lovely. We didn’t sleep together but kissed and cuddled and hung out all night.

I really like the guy, despite the obvious reservations about hooking up with a work person!

Every time we were together the drinks were flowing but he told me he had a crush on me, thought I was really cute, lots of compliments about my physical appearances etc - obviously hard to know what to believe, and he also got out of a long-term relationship in August of last year so I’m very skeptical to initiate anything…

I sort of thought I would see him around work and just see how things were, but I’ve just had a look at our schedules and seen that he won’t be working very many days for the next few months (he works on a freelance basis). So I sort of don’t know what to do.
I’d love something further to happen, but given that I won’t be seeing much of him in the next while, don’t have his number and don’t know if he regrets the entire thing or is weird about hooking up with someone from work etc…don't know if I should do anything at all.
Ugh, head is fried!

I’m basically looking for advice on how to approach this, or if I should just leave it and see if he initiates anything.

I’m generally really confident at work and about the place, but totally stumped over this - no one knows about it and I’ve had to deal with the weirdness of working together on tasks and wearing our ‘work face’ while in the office without having any idea what he’s thinking….and I've been burned in the past with being forward with guys, only to end up getting hurt...my general view is that the guy will make the move if he's interested, but this seems more complicated given the circumstances.

Any advice would be much much appreciated!

Tokyo

Why would you just leave it and see if he initiates anything? It's not not the 1920's anymore. The guy has met up with you a second time, has told you that he's interested in you and so forth - so follow up on it. It's unfortunate that you don't have his number, but if you've worked together then surely there is a way of getting your number to him, be it through the company email, or leaving a note with the front desk, or whatever. Ask him if he'd like to meet up for a drink or a bite to eat, along with your number - if he follows up on it then great; if he doesn't then at least you have an answer.

Fluorescence

If you don't have his number, can you add him on facebook and initiate things that way?

LegacyUser

Original poster here, thanks for the advice.

The guy isn't on facebook. Not very social media ish. I know the logical thing would be to suggest drinks or something but in this case I don't think it's what I should do.

He got out of a longterm relationship in August and the second night I hung out with him, I got the sense he wasn't quite over that. i sort of got the vibe that he was looking for 'fun' but nothing too commttal, and that's why I'm reluctant to make any sort of move. work is weird enough as it is.

it's strange because he has told me he likes me, but maybe that means something else to him. to me, it means i'd like to see him again, hang out, go on a date. he's told me he 'doesn't date' and spent six years in a monogamous relationship, so i don't want to freak him out by suggesting something and that have to deal with being rejected and then seeing him about the place at work.

i think i'll just sit this one out. If he makes a move he makes a move, if not i suppose it wasn't to be.

Matteroffact

He has told you he doesn't want a relationship, doesn't date and he hasn't initiated anything since he last met you so that's your answer. He is not interested in pursuing you any further, so my best advice is just leave it at that and do nothing.

NotCominBack

If all he got was a cuddle when the opportunity presented itself then he prob thinks ur not interested

Magenta

Matteroffact wrote: »

He has told you he doesn't want a relationship

Can you quote the OPs post because I cannot see where she said this...

LegacyUser

He never told me he didn't want a relationship. We were just talking about past relationships and he mentioned his ex a lot, I got the sense it was still a bit raw. I mentioned how I dated a lot this past year as I've been single and he said 'I don't date really. I just meet someone and it kind of just happens'...

So I guess all of this was just abstract conversation, but given that I like him and we have this awkward thing where we work together, i am over analysing to death!

That and he was pretty eager to get physical let's say. i just knew the head feck if i had slept with him would be ten times worse now and i'm not looking for a friends-with benefits thing, not my style. wonder if that's all he was after though.

anyway. im not going to worry too much about it. im not going to ask him out because i don't get the vibe he's in the head space to date and i don't want to make things more awkward. i just dont want it to be a situation where he is actually interested and i end up missing out because he thinks im not...that's all.

smokie72

OP, you say you like the guy, he says he has a crush on you. I don't see the problem here. Ask him out for a coffee. The worst that can happen is he says no. How would you feel if he met another girl? Get his number and ask him out. You won't get anywhere in life if you don't take chances.