Really lonely American gal. Need friends!

Soukie

Hey all. Pretty new here on the boards. I've been in Ireland for 7 yrs, I live in a pretty small town, in my mid 30s, no kids. I find it so insanely hard to make friends here. It's like everyone in this town has known each other their entire lives and these little cliques seem so exclusive. It's gotten to the point that I rarely leave my house and I've gotten seriously depressed. There's one woman I kinda know, she works at a local business and I use their service. Is it appropriate or just weird to ask her to meet up for coffee?

SimonTemplar

I think asking people you barely know for a coffee is more of an American thing and less of an Irish thing. But I could be wrong.

Do you live within commuting distance of any large town or city. Perhaps you could do a nightclass there as a way of meeting people.

buried

The problem with living in a small town in Ireland is that there is not a great amount to do within these places. That's why these cliques you describe exist, people band together in small groups to get through the absolute lack of activity in these places. Its just a result of where these people live. I know how you feel OP, I live in one of these places myself, but you can happily live in this kind of place too. Look towards your hobbies and interests and try to find outlets for those things, not only in the place you live, but all over the country. Ireland is really only a small island and its not too difficult to venture around all its area to find an outlet for your interest or hobbies. And you should totally ask that lady out for a coffee, or maybe a walk and a chat? She could be bored out her mind herself and would like somebody to make a new friend with also!

guppy

My sister married a guy and moved to his 'country' part of Ireland and it was impossible for her to make friends as kids weren't happening for them.

What did help help was my sister volunteering with animal charities, she made a lot of friends that way. And honestly, unless you find something similar to bond with, without kids, you'll never find anything.

Do you think you can find time to volunteer?

fatalll

Hey
ok. A few things you can do first of all is get a hobbie or hobbies.
join clubs
yes ask that lady for a coffee, whats worst that can happen...she might say no.
<Snip>

Big Bag of Chips

Please don't ask posters to make contact outside of the thread.

honey79

Have you tried meet up

Loads of different group activities so you should be able to find something suitable

skooterblue2

At Home we moved there nearly 40 years ago and we are still considered outsiders. This is every country town and village. The one language everyone speaks in the country is GAA. Not my thing to be honest, but then I moved to the city.

StormWarrior

Are you married to an Irishman, is that why you moved to Ireland? If so, could he arrange with his friends for their wives to invite you on girls nights out or something?

amdublin

Aww you poor thing I am feeling for you.

What about a knitting/chatting group? Or any other kind of craft where you can talk with people.

There is an app - maybe it's meetup which someone else mentioned - that you can arrange activities and join groups.
People post things like: going to see the new mission impossible film next Tues. Meet at 7am at Starbucks beside cinema.
or details of hillwalking etc.

amdublin

Join local library and see if they're events on?

StormWarrior

Posting messages on internet forums is actually a good way to meet people, I worked as an au pair in both Sweden and Finland and I went on forums about these countries and posted messages looking to meet similar people and that way managed to make friends to hang out with while I was there.

anthony4335

One thing I could suggest it joining an activity were there are groups of people involved. I know a lot of people doing crossfit and they are insanely social bunch of people. Not sure if this is every crossfit box but the Ennis one is very social. If you can could you not look into moving to a larger town maybe.

Mick Murdock

I spent a few years living overseas (mainly US and Asia) and in my experience you never make friends with locals unless YOU make an effort. Some people are just naturally better at it than others but nobody is going to fall over themselves to be your friend. It takes a bit of persistence sometimes.

The Irish love nothing more than to bash the Irish but people here are no more cliquey than people anywhere else. In many cases I'd say we're more open to new people than most countries.

Join a book club, walking/running club, do some cookery classes. Things where you're likely to meet people in similar circumstances.

Put yourself out there. Good luck.

Soukie

guppy wrote: »

My sister married a guy and moved to his 'country' part of Ireland and it was impossible for her to make friends as kids weren't happening for them.

What did help help was my sister volunteering with animal charities, she made a lot of friends that way. And honestly, unless you find something similar to bond with, without kids, you'll never find anything.

Do you think you can find time to volunteer?

That's a really great idea! Thanks. Love animals, so I'll def check into that.

Soukie

Thanks everyone. I know I could join clubs, there's just not much going on here. I went to the local library and was appalled at how tiny it was. It was a tiny room with maybe 10 shelves. haha. I've been in Europe for 14 years, so I'm not one to compare anywhere to home, I barely know the states anymore myself.

Expat thing aside, do any of you feel like it's just really rough to get to know people if you don't have kids (I'm not married either)?

Ann84

Try meetup.com or as others suggested getting involved in other groups/charities?

Othe suggestion, start a book club possibly?

niallam

My wife moved about 120 miles from her county to mine, I work and she doesn't, she minds what as 1 and now 2 kids.
She has loads of friends down home and friendly with all my friends partners.
She tried meet new people up here, went to all the usual mother & toddler meet up groups, meeting in a pub for lunch etc and she found they 90% were ignorant with no interest in hardly acknowledging anyone new in the groups because it was mostly friends meeting up who'd know each other from the same area.
All were young mothers but even in the meet up groups they had no real interest in talking to anyone they hadn't know from school days.
I'd say without a common interest it would be extremely hard meet people.
If there was something you were interested in and try join a club near where you are it would be a step in the right direction.

dellas1979

Soukie wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I know I could join clubs, there's just not much going on here. I went to the local library and was appalled at how tiny it was. It was a tiny room with maybe 10 shelves. haha. I've been in Europe for 14 years, so I'm not one to compare anywhere to home, I barely know the states anymore myself.

Expat thing aside, do any of you feel like it's just really rough to get to know people if you don't have kids (I'm not married either)?

I understand you OP - am Irish (same age etc), from a country area, and I would think that its hard to make friends here (Ive lived in different countries too at this stage). I have (good) friends, but, can only think of 2 at this stage who dont have kids (kids apparently take over your life, as I was told recently). If you dont get into the "circle of kids" brigade, it can be hard to meet/organise social things (I think some mammies here see play dates etc as socialising).

A lot Irish people are clicky (even though they will deny this-which is funny). But, Im testament that not all are. To me, there is nothing more exciting than meeting new people! Ive lived away where Ive had to make new friends/experience new cultures. It all about putting yourself out there. I told a story on here once where one of my good friends now, I met her in a job about 10 years ago. No one (they said she wasnt cool) would interact with her. She used to sit at breaks on her own. One day, I just sat down with her. And, to me she was the coolest/kindest person ever. So, take chances and do ask "wanna go for a coffee?" etc. Not everyone will take you up, but the nice ones and the ones that will make an effort will.

gipi

Soukie wrote: »

Expat thing aside, do any of you feel like it's just really rough to get to know people if you don't have kids (I'm not married either)?

Yes - been my experience in 2 larger urban areas (it's not just small country towns it happens in). Did the night class\hobby thing, still felt like an outsider. Working outside the area doesn't help either.

dixiefly

Soukie wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I know I could join clubs, there's just not much going on here. I went to the local library and was appalled at how tiny it was. It was a tiny room with maybe 10 shelves. haha. I've been in Europe for 14 years, so I'm not one to compare anywhere to home, I barely know the states anymore myself.

Expat thing aside, do any of you feel like it's just really rough to get to know people if you don't have kids (I'm not married either)?

There must be some reason that you picked this town and moved to it. Was it work? If so can you enquire from any of the work contacts to identify particular clubs societies that are run well or have an active social structure.

If you can join either a running/jogging group you could also register with them on facebook and start attending functions and gradually can become FB friends with some people and develop from there. Other option would be a cycling group, sometimes groups go on longish spins and stop for coffee etc.

As written above volunteering would be a good option but it would be worthwhile to enquire from your existing contacts which are the good / sociable groups or organisations in your area.

athtrasna

Consider a musical society or drama group, most small towns have one. Very sociable, I'd have been lost without them when I moved back from England

Rubberchikken

volunteering to help with animals is a great idea and as you love animals they'll be glad to see someone coming to help.
drama group is another good way to meet people, if you're interested in that. they're usually one in most nearby villages/towns.
and do ask the woman in the local shop for a coffee/walk. she sounds like she'd be a friend given a chance.

good luck.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I can understand exactly how you feel.
in the "boom" times (and i mean that sarcastically) I was forced (price wise) to buy a home in a smallish far away town where I had zero connections, family or friends and then commute over an hour to Dublin every day for work.

I thought I would eventually make friends and build a life there, but I'll be honest and say it was lonely and tiresome. Leaving early for work in the morning then getting home after 7 to make dinner watch some TV then repeat 5 days a week. On Weekends I tried to go out to the pub but being a guy on his own was frowned upon alot, I found it very difficult to intregrate - when you dont know anyone at all. I tried different pubs (there were quite a few) but I'm not a big drinker and didnt like staying drinking all evening. I always got the feeling you felt weird being on my own though in bars, even chatting trying to chat up girls who viewed me with suspicion because i was different.
I did try and explore the area, go for walks, do some local night classes in the local school, go to gym, try to be friendly with neighbours, but often felt like i was only a part time resident due to commuting.
Eventually after a few years I began to make a few friends but looking back I probably shouldnt have moved to there in the first place, not only was it a bad financial decision but some of my best years were probably wasted there when i could have been enjoying myself renting local to home proper, would have been nearer to friends and family and much more of a love life and experiences in the city.

Sorry if my reply does'nt inspire confidence or come up with any solutions really, just wanted to share my own personal experience.
it should be easier for a gal though, perhaps even a foreign girl on a night out to make new friends than myself, or to strike up conversations to other women when shopping, or going about your daily business. If you work locally thats a good place to start too.
You have nothing to lose by asking that women to go for a coffee sometime, at worst she can only say no.
I asked a girl out one day in the bank there - she said no, but from that a chain reaction caused me to meet a couple of friends in the end somewhere else - so nothing ventured - nothing gained.

overall my advice is, that unless you are really really tied to this town like I was - is to move if at all possible. unfortunately you and i will always be an outsider to locals.
It took me a long time to move but when I did things really changed, my social circle is much better also met my other half too and we're really happy.
I was not a 'country' person so it might depend on your own background too.

Hope this is of some help..

knucklehead6

Another recommendation for Meetup.com from me too.

It (and by which i mean the people i met through it) helped turn 2014 from being an absolute clusterfcuk whorebag bitch of a year into being something that, while i don't remember it fondly, some good has come out of.

Heat_Wave

There's a private group on facebook for girls wanting to make new girl friends. Most are foreign, few Irish. They organise nights out, day trips etc. It's called 'Girl Hq' send them a request!

lilydonoghue

Look up the Meetups. They are brilliant and a great way to meet people

santana75

I'm sorry but I have to be a nay sayer on the meet-up thing. At the risk of causing offense it tends to be full of socially inept people who are, to put it frankly, a bit odd.
I think OP what you need to do is Invest in yourself. Figure out what you truly love to do and set about doing those things. Thats all you should focus on, forget about trying to make friends, just do what makes you happy and you will draw people to you naturally. The people I know whos lives are full of friends are the ones who Dont try so hard, they're themselves and when you do that you send out a vibe and energy that's attractive. Just follow your passions and be outcome independent, expect nothing. That's one of those paradoxs in life that's true, expect nothing and things will come to you.

knucklehead6

santana75 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I have to be a nay sayer on the meet-up thing. At the risk of causing offense it tends to be full of socially inept people who are, to put it frankly, a bit odd.
I think OP what you need to do is Invest in yourself. Figure out what you truly love to do and set about doing those things. Thats all you should focus on, forget about trying to make friends, just do what makes you happy and you will draw people to you naturally. The people I know whos lives are full of friends are the ones who Dont try so hard, they're themselves and when you do that you send out a vibe and energy that's attractive. Just follow your passions and be outcome independent, expect nothing. That's one of those paradoxs in life that's true, expect nothing and things will come to you.

Would you mind elaborating on that? Any of the groups I've joined seem full of the same type of person you come across here on boards. Just regular everyday people who you share interests with. I regularly go hiking with two of the groups I'm in, and they are all normal, vivacious outgoing people, not at all socially inept.

Gannicus

Soukie wrote: »

Hey all. Pretty new here on the boards. I've been in Ireland for 7 yrs, I live in a pretty small town, in my mid 30s, no kids. I find it so insanely hard to make friends here. It's like everyone in this town has known each other their entire lives and these little cliques seem so exclusive. It's gotten to the point that I rarely leave my house and I've gotten seriously depressed. There's one woman I kinda know, she works at a local business and I use their service. Is it appropriate or just weird to ask her to meet up for coffee?

Keep an eye out her for events too like Boards beers usually in AH, or if you frequent any of the other forums on here see if there are any events or meet ups taking place

thegreatgonzo

santana75 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I have to be a nay sayer on the meet-up thing. At the risk of causing offense it tends to be full of socially inept people who are, to put it frankly, a bit odd.
.

There are dozens of meet up groups, saying they are full of socially inept people is just a silly sweeping statement.
I joined a meet up group a few years ago to go hill walking, each time I went I made new friends, all of them interesting people with full lives outside of the group.
The main draw back with meet up is that for rural areas it may attract fewer people, Dublin would have the majority of groups.
OP I don't know what area of the country you are in but if you are within 1 hour's drive of a mountain area, there are probably regular hill walking events going on and those clubs are usually very welcoming. Other country activities that might be going on could be wild food walks/mushroom hunts, there are sites that advertise where these go on throughout the year. If you are interested in crafts etc you could try the local branch of the ICA.
Also why not look up your local macra na feirme? You don't have to be a farmer, just living locally and under 40 I think. Also are there any activities you could take up locally like horse riding or ladies football? GAA clubs are everywhere so there is probably one in your area.
Also volunteering with a local animal charity was an excellent suggestion.

ivytwine

Meetup is good if you're in Dublin... but it doesn't sound like there'd be much of that where you are OP.

Drama and animal volunteering are the two I'd recommend most, and any book clubs etc.

Rural Ireland can be really cliquey (in fairness most rural places all over the world are).

Any interests in sports? A great way of meeting people, although I know it's not for everyone.

By the way, the responses here are very heart warming. People are nice generally, aren't they!

thegreatgonzo

Another thing that's got really popular around my way the last few years OP are vintage rallys. They are often held for local fundraising and so there would be a lot people that get involved in the event organisation, not just people who own an old car or tractor or whatever. They aren't just about cars anyway they are as much about antique stuff in general.

rosedream

santana75 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I have to be a nay sayer on the meet-up thing. At the risk of causing offense it tends to be full of socially inept people who are, to put it frankly, a bit odd.

Even if they were a bit odd, as long as they are not harming anybody, what's is the big deal? They are a load of reasons why someone could have weak social skills (bullying, abused as a child, growing up with anti-social parents, etc) and they should be at least given another chance at learning social skills, and making new friends, especially since it is hard to put yourself out there, as the OP knows herself. Sure as hell beats being stuck in your house all the time, never coming out to the world.

Obviously I draw the line on those who could come across a bit strong, in terms of harassment, aggressiveness or intimidation.


OP, I dunno what advice I could give (since I am in similar situation too) but the best I can give is to maybe try and move to more of a big town or city environment, where they are more opportunities to mix and meet with new people. I definitely agree with cliquey rural areas, I grew up here but because my family never really had a strong tie to the community, it was virtually impossible to fit in and there was never any social groups to join either, unless it was GAA sports. Also if you do meet people, don't be afraid to be open-minded.
That is why I made a big deal about the whole "odd" people thing, because people like that can be the most nicest, easy-going people to get along with.

doireann08

Santana - Sorry but I think it is a bit of a generalisation to say that meetup is full of oddballs

I joined meetup 2 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I have met the nicest people there, some who I would now consider close friends.

Granted there are some meetups that I went to where I came across people who were not so welcoming to newbies or had poor social skills, but they were in the minority
OP - I would recommend you have a look and see if there is any in your area

skooterblue2

santana75 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I have to be a nay sayer on the meet-up thing. At the risk of causing offense it tends to be full of socially inept people who are, to put it frankly, a bit odd.

Christ OP, you would be better off hanging out with Blond Ayrian males with healthy physiques and Non jewish non gay persons. These are the people at Meetups are the people most likely to accept you and not to exclude as they have been excluded themselves. Yeah they are possibly have mild autism or a bit but they will probably be more genuinely seeking friendship than the locals who call you a "Blow in". Actually as an American in rural Ireland I would see you as interesting with a breath of fresh air to conversation.

LegacyUser

buried wrote: »

The problem with living in a small town in Ireland is that there is not a great amount to do within these places. That's why these cliques you describe exist, people band together in small groups to get through the absolute lack of activity in these places. Its just a result of where these people live. I know how you feel OP, I live in one of these places myself, but you can happily live in this kind of place too. Look towards your hobbies and interests and try to find outlets for those things, not only in the place you live, but all over the country. Ireland is really only a small island and its not too difficult to venture around all its area to find an outlet for your interest or hobbies. And you should totally ask that lady out for a coffee, or maybe a walk and a chat? She could be bored out her mind herself and would like somebody to make a new friend with also!

That is a nonsense and an ignorant thing to say. To suggest ALL small places are boring and ALL people become 'cliques' because of this is overgeneralised crap. Maybe they just like each other

santana75

skooterblue2 wrote: »

Christ OP, you would be better off hanging out with Blond Ayrian males with healthy physiques and Non jewish non gay persons. These are the people at Meetups are the people most likely to accept you and not to exclude as they have been excluded themselves. Yeah they are possibly have mild autism or a bit but they will probably be more genuinely seeking friendship than the locals who call you a "Blow in". Actually as an American in rural Ireland I would see you as interesting with a breath of fresh air to conversation.

But why is it one extreme or the other? Nobody said anything about perfection or Der Ubermensch. Theres a middle ground where people arent perfect but they are socially well adjusted and thats a healthy place to be and its a good place to look for friends. I know a couple of people who are on the autism spectrum and to be honest theyre difficult to be around, to say the least. I know thats not the PC thing to say but theres pc and theres reality and the reality is most people want an easy life and being around people with aspergers or something like that isnt easy.

dudara

Posters - stay on topic please. Stick to offering advice to the OP.

dudara

LostinKildare

I know how you feel, OP. I'm an American woman too, living in rural Ireland for 12 years. People are friendly -- sometimes very friendly! --- but they don't want to bother with becoming friends with you.

Although I have found this to often be true

skooterblue2 wrote: »

Actually as an American in rural Ireland I would see you as interesting with a breath of fresh air to conversation.

having a great conversation at a party rarely leads to friendship. For a long time I thought it was a case of "he/she's just not that into you," but after long observation and also talking to other "blow-ins," I think that for the most part, most Irish people in small towns already have enough close friends and they don't need any more. They tend to live close to family, and into adulthood they often have the same friends they grew up with. There's no need to put in the effort to cultivate new friends (after all, how many close friends does a person need?). Contrast with American culture, where people usually move away from their families and hometowns and have to start over forming new support systems every time they move.

I've had most success befriending other foreigners, or Irish who have left their homeplaces and are open to/in need of forming new relationships.

Est28

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Would you mind elaborating on that? Any of the groups I've joined seem full of the same type of person you come across here on boards. Just regular everyday people who you share interests with. I regularly go hiking with two of the groups I'm in, and they are all normal, vivacious outgoing people, not at all socially inept.

Knucklehead, I have to agree with the original post about this. When I moved abroad I too thought Meetup would be a Haven. There were so many groups, of all sorts which I thought I could get into but the reality made me literally close up my account and run.

- In theory it's great, regular folks who are just looking to meet others with similar interests... however, if you've actually attended a few, you'd know what we mean, that's why I dislike so many people in these threads suggesting "meetup" or "book club" unless it's something they have SUCCESSFULLY met lots of friends through.

- The reality is that, people have friends from school, collee, work, growing up. If they are looking for friends online they're often either overly shy, or socially indept as mentioned. Many just join every group without an interest in it just to make friends but don't contribute, expecting everyone else to make the conversation with them... but you ut them in a room other others doing the same? Oh boy.... it's a stressful environment to be in.

- Sadly the internet brings out the worst in people. I've had 2-3 people who followed up with me after... great you say? Well... not so much. They managed to contact me by getting my private email and in one case my phone number. Something which I had NOT offered to anyone on that ONE event I attended with them. It creeped me out, completely.

- Most groups are spam or cross posted where I'm situated, maybe not the same everywhere. But If I signed up for a soccer meetup, it's dumb when the organizer never organizes matches but some members cross posts a speed dating event in the group and the same one in 20 other groups every second week.

- Sadly, (not all but) some organizers are also very rude. They don't seem to actually want new members. Especially if it's the type of group to limit events to 8 or 10 people or whatever. They'll treat you very rudely like you're unwelcome taking a spot form another member they know attending or something. It turned me off quite a few events. That and as noted, established groups are a cliquey as any social groups and new comers are not so welcome.

To the OP. I'm sorry this is what you're finding. As I said, I moved away to work quite a while ago and you ahve to just keep plugging. Make the first move, talk to people, veryone, often it goes nowhere, sometimes it will. Invite people rather than waiting to be invited, etc, etc...

santana75

Est28 wrote: »

Knucklehead, I have to agree with the original post about this. When I moved abroad I too thought Meetup would be a Haven. There were so many groups, of all sorts which I thought I could get into but the reality made me literally close up my account and run.


- The reality is that, people have friends from school, collee, work, growing up. If they are looking for friends online they're often either overly shy, or socially indept as mentioned. Many just join every group without an interest in it just to make friends but don't contribute, expecting everyone else to make the conversation with them... but you ut them in a room other others doing the same? Oh boy.... it's a stressful environment to be in.

To the OP. I'm sorry this is what you're finding. As I said, I moved away to work quite a while ago and you ahve to just keep plugging. Make the first move, talk to people, veryone, often it goes nowhere, sometimes it will. Invite people rather than waiting to be invited, etc, etc...

Yep this was my experience of meet-up as well. I went to one event and out 15 people there I was the only one capable vof carrying on s conversation. It was very awkward and uncomfortable. I tried again with a different group but it was the same deal. In theory meet up is a great idea but the reality is a whole other thing. I too received unsolicited messages, and im a man. I've heard from a girl I know that as soon as she joined a group she was inundated with messages from guys, she said it was so creepy she cancelled her account shortly thereafter.
Op have a look at your life and ask yourself if you're truly living in an authentic manner. Are you outgoing and open with people or are you shy and withdrawn? It is possible to have a life filled with friends who are socially well adapted but you have to get yourself to the point where you're well adapted yourself first.
Somebody mentioned already about cliques and how people are sorted in the friend dept and Dont need anymore..... I Dont think that's true. I've never heard someone say they already have enough friends and couldn't use another one. I think friendships are based on equality and if you Dont bring to the table what the other person brings then its not gonna click. There can't be a disparity because one person will need more from the other and that's just draining. Its all about mindsets and investing in yourself so you're the best version of you that you bring to the table. Meet up is flawed just like internet dating because you're trying to do something behind a computer screen that can only be done in person and by living in a brave and authentic way.

not1but4

I'm going a bit off topic here but I want to give my my two cents on Meetup and its "socially indept" members.

I've seen first hand how good meetup is and cannot recommend it enough. I'm an active member of 3 groups in Dublin and in the last years I've made loads of friends through it. Most people who use it have moved from a different town/city/country and don't know anyone here so their only way to meet people is via meetup.

Don't get me wrong I've met a few odd balls but I just make my excuses like going to bathroom/bar then return and talk to someone different, thankfully mostly the odd balls don't return. I've gone to other meetups that I didn't enjoy but that was because most people at it were a lot older than me and I didn't have a lot in common.

Just keep going until you find people you click with. Then you will get invited to events via Facebook.

If it wasn't for meetup I would of had a very boring 2014, I would't have friends to surf with, travel with, go out in town with, go with a hike with, to go snowboarding with, I wouldn't of been dating a girl who's house mate came to the meetup. I've seen countless people better off because of the site sure my sister met her fiancé because of it.

owenc

Soukie wrote: »

Hey all. Pretty new here on the boards. I've been in Ireland for 7 yrs, I live in a pretty small town, in my mid 30s, no kids. I find it so insanely hard to make friends here. It's like everyone in this town has known each other their entire lives and these little cliques seem so exclusive. It's gotten to the point that I rarely leave my house and I've gotten seriously depressed. There's one woman I kinda know, she works at a local business and I use their service. Is it appropriate or just weird to ask her to meet up for coffee?

Ugh you poor thing coming here from America. Aww

Tbh it doesn't matter who you are or where you are the older you get the harder it is to make friends. Maybe just go to a club. Also there might be some Americans you could meet up with if you look up an expat site.

Idk why you can't find any friends when I personally would be so excited with the prospect of an American living in my local town!

ivytwine

I'm going to stick up for meet up too. Generally for the cultural things it's pretty good, the groups are smaller and the people lovely. they're not usually friendless weirdos but their current friends may not live in Dublin or want to see foreign films in the IFI.

I've never gone to the "social" ones where it's about drinking etc. they'd be more intense I'd imagine and may attract people who have other purposes on their minds.

There was one group where the organiser had a ridiculous list of rules but nobody forces you to join.

Anyway it sounds like OP is somewhere too rural for meet up to be a thing. Am I correct in deducing you're here alone? Tbh this might prove difficult making friends with other women in the town. Some of the more conservative elements might think you're after their husbands. That's what they thought about my English mother once my dad was off the scene. It is v hard to be different in small town Ireland.

Beaner1

Why have you stayed in a small town with such little life and no connections for 7 years? What is keeping you there?

murria

Just wanted to add a couple of ideas for groups that may be of interest. I joined a choir a year ago, we are women ranging in age from 30 to early sixties, but mainly 30s and 40s. I joined with a couple of friends but we have made new friends through the group, as well as rehearsing and performing we go out for a drink or meal occasionally too. I should add we aren't brilliant, but it's a good laugh and 2 hours of singing lifts the spirits.

My husband was involved for many years in scuba diving. The clubs are great for meeting new people. They do pool training over the winter and have weekends away and club holidays. He has made life long friends through the club. The Irish Underwater Council have a website that lists clubs nationwide.

I would also recommend volunteering, I did with the DSPCA for a while and it was great fun and I'm about to start with a group for adults with intellectual disabilities.

Hope you find something.