Ask them now....

KildareFan

Great article in the Guardian - wish I'd followed the advice and started my genealogy while there were still people around I could talk to:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/dec/27/i-wish-id-asked-about-my-familys-past-while-the-older-generation-were-here?CMP=fb_gu

Jellybaby1

Lovely piece there KildareFan. I did in fact question my mum 40-50 years ago and thankfully wrote quite a bit down. However, I still find mysteries which she never divulged or perhaps she never really knew the whole story. I recommend everyone to take time with their parents and grandparents while they are still around, and write down their stories.

lottpaul

If I could add that we too need to write everything that we know. I find my nieces and nephews in their 20s and 30s know shockingly little of their extended, living, relations. I think that with much more mobility in families than e.g. 100 years ago, less adherence to traditional family names, more second/third families, families where the parents don't marry - hence differing surnames/double surnames, less religious affiliation so church records will not contain 99.9% of people as they did in 1914 etc our descendants are going to have almost more puzzles than we face. Yes, the records will hopefully be better and easier to search - but people probably said that in 1920 before the fires in the Four Courts too!

(short story sweet -- don't underestimate what we know ourselves!)

owenc

Ugh I don't know. I try and ask but after a few awkward attempts I gave up. My relatives think i'm odd to look up the family tree.

My granny said "the past is in the past and leave it there".

Jellybaby1

I heard that too from one relative, now sadly gone. However, I have several more octogenarians who are delighted to share what they can remember, or think they remember anyway! It is such a delight to listen to them. What they can't remember today, they will remember another day! I have gained a lot from them, and they are thrilled to get the family tree into their hands too!

KildareFan

My granny said "the past is in the past and leave it there".

Yes - be prepared for reluctance to answer questions. Sometimes there are family secrets that they don't want to disclose - children born out of wedlock, criminal convictions, family rows, delusions of past riches/poverty, political skulduggery....

Jellybaby1

After my relative died (who didn't want to discuss the past), I discovered she had had a rather hurried wedding so its understandable she wouldn't have wanted us to know. I was going to find out eventually anyway but she thought if she didn't tell us then it would always be a secret, bless her.

L1011

My grandmothers recalcitrance to "digging" went away when she saw the 1911 census of her father, and her marriage notices from the Independent and Nenagh Guardian and I've since got very useful info out of her.

My grandfather on the other side would regale you for hours over a bottle of Black Bush, I regret that some of what I found was far too late to tell him - the Northern GRO system coming on tied up many ends

owenc

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

I heard that too from one relative, now sadly gone. However, I have several more octogenarians who are delighted to share what they can remember, or think they remember anyway! It is such a delight to listen to them. What they can't remember today, they will remember another day! I have gained a lot from them, and they are thrilled to get the family tree into their hands too!

Nope only a few. My aunt even said to us one day "what are you doing going to those graves oddballs". Lol..

It depends on the person. Not sure why they don't just say

owenc

KildareFan wrote: »

My granny said "the past is in the past and leave it there".

Yes - be prepared for reluctance to answer questions. Sometimes there are family secrets that they don't want to disclose - children born out of wedlock, criminal convictions, family rows, delusions of past riches/poverty, political skulduggery....

Nope in my dads family yes but not hers

Alicat

I have two aunts who are both of the same opinion (that the past should remain in the past) when it comes to my, now deceased, Nana. When I first became interested in genealogy, I did the usual first step of approaching my grandparents. My Nana had been brought up as an orphan, and gave some little bits of information that she claimed to know. As I got deeper into it over the months, I noticed that she was a bit quiet during one of our chats. I asked her was she ok with me asking these questions, and doing the research. She said, "I don't mind you looking, but I don't want to know what you find."

She died a few years later, and only last year did I discover that her mother was a criminal, and was in prison a lot. My two aunts have always been quite protective of my Nana, but my Dad and I decided that they deserved to know what we found. Well, the two of them lost it, after the initial shock. They were fuming with me and my Dad, for suggesting that their Granny was a criminal, and wanted us to stop looking immediately and stop "disrespecting our mother's memory" and stormed out of the house.

I would have considered them fairly modern ladies, and it has been quite amazing how old-fashioned their views are when it comes to this. You just can't tell with some people! However, if you don't ask, you'll never know.

cnoc

Alicat wrote: »

I have two aunts who are both of the same opinion (that the past should remain in the past) when it comes to my, now deceased, Nana. When I first became interested in genealogy, I did the usual first step of approaching my grandparents. My Nana had been brought up as an orphan, and gave some little bits of information that she claimed to know. As I got deeper into it over the months, I noticed that she was a bit quiet during one of our chats. I asked her was she ok with me asking these questions, and doing the research. She said, "I don't mind you looking, but I don't want to know what you find."

She died a few years later, and only last year did I discover that her mother was a criminal, and was in prison a lot. My two aunts have always been quite protective of my Nana, but my Dad and I decided that they deserved to know what we found. Well, the two of them lost it, after the initial shock. They were fuming with me and my Dad, for suggesting that their Granny was a criminal, and wanted us to stop looking immediately and stop "disrespecting our mother's memory" and stormed out of the house.

I would have considered them fairly modern ladies, and it has been quite amazing how old-fashioned their views are when it comes to this. You just can't tell with some people! However, if you don't ask, you'll never know.

When you say "criminal", was it a serious crime or just a minor misdemeanour? Long ago, as you would be aware, people were charged and convicted with very minor incidents.

Alicat

cnoc wrote: »

When you say "criminal", was it a serious crime or just a minor misdemeanour? Long ago, as you would be aware, people were charged and convicted with very minor incidents.

She used to rob houses and things. Spent a few years in jail, and she was even featured in the newspapers, as an expert thief. KildareFan actually found some of the newspaper stuff for me; I'll link the thread about it here shortly.

Edit: Here - http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057233559/1/#post90918690

campingcarist

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Lovely piece there KildareFan. I did in fact question my mum 40-50 years ago and thankfully wrote quite a bit down. However, I still find mysteries which she never divulged or perhaps she never really knew the whole story. I recommend everyone to take time with their parents and grandparents while they are still around, and write down their stories.

I would add Aunts and Uncles as well, not to mention cousins. All the older generation can be a mine of information.

kildarejohn

KildareFan wrote: »

My granny said "the past is in the past and leave it there".

Yes - be prepared for reluctance to answer questions. Sometimes there are family secrets that they don't want to disclose - children born out of wedlock, criminal convictions, ..

According to a family story my grandmother was reluctant to talk about the past and her words were "leave it alone - its a poor family can't afford a bastard".
(For anyone unfamiliar with this type of Irish phrase, "its a poor family can't" actually means the opposite, i.e. "every family can")