Telling About Deceased Parent

LegacyUser

Maybe I'm being selfish, but I find it incredibly difficult to tell people one of my parents is deceased.

By way of background, one of my parents died when I was 10. I'm in my twenties now. I don't really directly tell people my parent is dead, I sort of let them infer it from the fact that I don't mention my parent (well, I think that's what they probably infer).

I'm not sure why I do this. I think it's partially the awkwardness of burdening people with the information, worrying they won't know how to react, and partially because I don't want to be pitied/ make people worry I'm looking for a substitute parent (mad, I know. But who said these things are rational!).

Recently, somebody asked if I would be doing anything with my parent over the holidays. I was caught on the spot and gave a non-commital answer, but one which I think the person took as affirmation that I would. I'm just wondering is there any easy way out of or around this. Should I just say nothing and let the person think both my parents are alive? Or is there any way to backtrack. I am reasonably close to this person, and of necessity will be for the next while, so maybe is it better to just let things lie?

LegacyUser

I'm the exact same- I don't go out of my way to advise and I've been like that for years. Its obvious from my response that only 1 parent is on the scene and tbh ppl never seem to probe further which suits me. This was partly due to me finding it difficult to talk about but I've gotten better and now i only tell ppl whom I'm close to and have built up son form of friendship. Its not really anyone else's business in my mind. To answer your question, id let it lie for now but were a suitable opportunity present itself, then id drop it in. The person already knows anyway, so you saying it would only be confirmation and as such, no big deal,surprise.