Am I Overreacting?

brokenice

My partner and I have been together for almost 2 years now. During this time, I have met most of his friends. He has a lot. In my opinion, he has a lot of acquaintances rather than true friends. He likes to have a wide social circle and that is no problem. I'd rather have a smaller group of good friends. Anyhow, he has two friends who, to cut a long story short, are just pure idiots out and out. That's not even the issue, if he wants to spend time with them, he can go ahead. I just won't be in their company.

A few months ago I had a dinner party for some of my friends. He asked if he could bring the two idiots. I said it was fine. Needless to say they came along and their antics followed.

My partner has gone home for Christmas to his family home for over a week now. I went back to my family home too. Over this period there hasn't been much contact and most of it seems to have been initiated by myself. Last night, I sent him a text asking how he was and when he would be coming back. He said he'd be coming back the following day but that he was going to go to a party in the home of one of the idiots.

This is where the issues lie. Firstly, I have no intention of going to this party, but would it not have been polite to have been offered an invite by aforementioned idiot? After all, he was made feel very welcome in my home. It just seems like common manners to me. Secondly, my partner has been away for over a week, without much contact, at this special time of year. Would it not seem appropriate to spend time with me as we haven't spent any time together over the Christmas period? He never even asked me if I'd like to accompany him to the party.

I'm not one for drama but this has been on my mind the last 24 hours and it really is eating away at me. Am I overreacting? Do I have a valid point? Any advice from people who are/who were in similar situations?

Cheers.

The Princess Bride

brokenice wrote: »

Anyhow, he has two friends who, to cut a long story short, are just pure idiots out and out. That's not even the issue, if he wants to spend time with them, he can go ahead. I just won't be in their company.

A few months ago I had a dinner party for some of my friends. He asked if he could bring the two idiots. I said it was fine. Needless to say they came along and their antics followed........
He was going to go to a party in the home of one of the idiots. .....I have no intention of going to this party, but would it not have been polite to have been offered an invite by aforementioned idiot? After all, he was made feel very welcome in my home. It just seems like common manners to me.

If you've no intention of going, don't concern yourself about invitations-I would never ever invite someone I didn't like to my home, can't understand why anyone would.
You keep calling them idiots, if you do this in front of your boyfriend, why would you expect him to ask you to accompany him? Makes no sense.They're his friends, you don't have to love them, but you need to respect his choices.

As for him not being in frequent contact, I guess it depends on the quality of your relationship these past 2 years- none of us can answer, but perhaps it's something you need to address in person.

Sound Bite

You won't like this but its my honest opinion.

You appear to have a superiority complex and appear to look down on both your boyfriend and his friends.

His friends have probably picked up on your attitude so have chosen not to invite you.

The lack of contact at Christmas tells its own story.

I guess he's happier in the company of the 'idiots' you look down on.

Penny Tration

Do you really think theae two people actually felt welcome at your home? If even half of your attitude towards them was picked up on (and trust me, it's VERY easy to realise when someone dislikes you), why the hell would you be invited anywhere by them?

If I were your boyfriend, I wouldn't have invited you either. You clearly dislike these people, so why would he invite you?

Re the lack of contact - I barely spoke to my boyfriend over Christmas because I was busy with family and friends. I saw him a little because we live very close to each other, but texting and calling just didn't happen. As for spending time with you - presumably ye live together or nearby, so why would he have to spend specific days with you, and forego seeing his friends?

You're massively over reacting. Sorry

strobe

Very few people are as good at hiding the fact they don't like someone as they think they are. These two people probably know quite well you dislike them, and could well have heard back from people that you talk **** about them behind their back. Why on earth would one of them contact you and ask you to come to a party at their house? An invitation may have been extended via your bf, but he's probably just as aware of your opinion of them as they are.

dellas1979

You cant call people idiots, fake tolerate them in your house, and then be all cut up when you are not invited to a party hosted by one of them.

Could the "idiot(s)" actually be clever in your behavior towards them?

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe they did invite you but your bf didn't pass on the invitation because he knew you wouldn't go? Insisting on being invited to something just so you can decline the invitation is overreacting, yes.

As for you thinking your bf doesn't want to spend time with you... That's something you will have to take up with him.

And as others have already mentioned, don't fool yourself that these lads don't know exactly how you feel about them. They may even have mentioned it to your bf who lied for you.. Or admitted it!

brokenice

thanks for the replies everyone. much food for thought there. thank you.

skallywag

brokenice wrote: »

Firstly, I have no intention of going to this party, but would it not have been polite to have been offered an invite by aforementioned idiot?

OP you cannot honestly be serious? How can you possibly expect someone who you openly regard as 'an idiot' to invite you or want you in any way a do at his place?

Big Bag of Chips

I think you've gotten a hard time because of continually referring to them as idiots. There are people in my life who I also think are idiots, so I avoid having to spend too much time in their company.

I know my husband doesn't particularly like one of my friends, so I don't force him to spend much/any time in her company.

These guys are his friends. Not yours. You don't have to like them. You don't even have to spend time with them. But you shouldn't feel in competition with them either, or that your bf should want to spend time with you instead of them.

Does he spend lots of time with you throughout the year? 'Tis the season for parties, after all. Things should settle down again soon.

berger89

maybe he's afraid of commitment and by hanging out with these guys, it keeps him "young"?