Worried about my mum and weight loss

LegacyUser

Hey all

My mum has had high cholesterol for a long while. She always took care of herself, and looks great, but she did get a bit of a tummy when she entered her late 50s / early 60s.

About a two years ago, her cholesterol was through the roof, and she was told that she had to take control of it or else she would be getting a stroke in the next few years. And, because she has unbelievable willpower, she went and changed her diet and cut out the likes of sweets and crisps (the traditional stuff), and ate more veg, and started up in the gym without looking back once.

The problem is, I think she's taking this too far. She's now eating toast for breakfast (no problems there). Then a Slim (some sort of panini thing) with chicken or tuna for lunch - grand. And then beans or two rashers for dinner. In the meantime, she's going to the gym for a 40 minute swim in the morning, and then on the cross trainer for another 40 minutes in the evening, and then a long walk after her dinner.

She has lost a huge amount of weight- from probably a curvy 12 to a skinny 8. She has asked me before if she looked 'scrawny' or something, and I've said that, of course she doesn't. But she is getting tiny. And she's my mum, and maybe I can't see her properly. But, her sister has told her that she's getting too thin for her age, and it really hurt her feelings.

I was with her over Christmas, and my uncle came to pick me up, and, as he left, he told me to have a word with my mum because she is getting too thin.

I think they're all right. My mum has lost too much weight. But how do I say this without making her feel bad about herself? We had a Christening recently and she got all dressed up, and then somebody said that her dress was hanging off her, and it really made her feel bad about herself.

She's after working her arse off to make Christmas brilliant for everybody, and she's already asked me if she looks ok with the weight gone, so if I now go and say that she needs to put on weight, she'll be analysing herself and feeling bad - and I know this.

Don't really know what to say, and I'm really upset by my uncle's comment and the fact that he is right.

R.D. aka MR.D

Well the only thing that matters is her health. What does the doctor say?

I lost a lot of weight and so has my mother. We've both gotten comments about being 'too thin' but I'm now a healthy weight for my height etc. So is my mother.

A lot of people don't realize that being even slightly overweight can cause health problems. You mentioned she was at risk of a stroke before.

The only person that can tell you if she is 'too thin' is her doctor.

Her diet doesn't seem unreasonable especially if she's not very tall. The amount of calories you are supposed to consume are actually quite few when you investigate it!!


If her doctor feels that she is a healthy weight then she just needs to learn how to handle the comments people make. It can be very frustrating. People find it acceptable to comment on a person being thin but as soon as you even mildly hint that some one is overweight, you are the worst in the world!

Rosy Posy

Looking at her diet it seems deficient in fruit and veg and also calcium. My mother is dangerously underweight and one of the biggest health risks of this with advancing age is osteoporosis and brittle bones. Get her to go back to her GP and check it out and maybe get her to supplement her diet with a yogurt based smoothie? As regards people's comments, she should call them out on it and their rudeness.

StormWarrior

There's a famous weight loss doctor called Joel Fuhrman who pointed out that when people lose a lot of weight, their family often think that they look too thin, but actually they are fine. Size 8 is slim, but it's certainly not anorexically thin. Your mum's diet certainly sounds like it needs more fruit and veg, but she's eating three meals a day, she's not starving herself. If you're really worried you could say something like, "You look great now mum, you don't need to lose any more weight, alright?"

LegacyUser

Op what height is your mom? If her weight to height ratio is fine then I don't think you should be worried. your mom was told she had very high cholesterol' was at risk of stroke so should be commended for taking the initiative for looking after herself. What does her doctor say?
A friend of mine lost over three stone this year, she is only five foot in height and was over 10 stone at the beginning of the year, which put her in the overweight category. She started eating healthier meals, eating more fruit and veg and less processed crap. During the summer she joined the gym and did some exercise and got down under 8 stone. She said she feels great, and has loads more energy. However both at work and at home all she got were mean comments like you are too thin, you're wasting away' don't lose any more weight' the clothes are hanging on you etc etc .people are terribly mean and if you are not carrying a stone or looking slightly flabby nowadays people seem to think it's ok to make a comment. However if you called somebody out on being overweight and told somebody they needed to lose weight you'd get a lot of grief! Your mother had a serious wake up call and did something about it, a lot of people just ignore what the doctor says and then it's too late.

meeeeh

Your mother's diet seems to be absolutely dreadful. A lot of processed food and very little variety. Is there an option of booking her an appointment with dietician. Not to lose weight but to make some decent meal plan. I don't know weather she is too skinny or not but she definitely doesn't eat enough quality food.

strandroad

Size 8 is not "too thin", there are plenty of women this size after all. You're just not used to it on her. And it's great that she's working out. She needs more fresh food such as fruit and veg to boost her diet, that's all.

Tokyo

The fact that your mother has asked you if you think's she's scrawny means that either she thinks she might be, or other people have mentioned to her that she might be - either way, you're not alone in your concerns, particularly with your sister and your uncle's comments taken into account.

Seeing that she had cholesterol issues for a while, I would presume that she was seeing a doctor on a reasonably regular basis. A tactful way of dealing with it (not to mention actually getting a qualified opinion) would be to suggest that next time she's in for a checkup, to see what the doctor thinks of her weight loss. If her weight loss is a little too much, then her doctor can advise her on a better diet; if it's not a problem then it'll put the situation to bed once and for all.

Fast1cs

I wouldn't be worried about her being too thin. I'd be far more worried about her diet. As Meeeh pointed out it is absolutely dreadful. Just because your thin/losing weight doesn't mean you are eating healthy and your mum certainly isn't eating healthy.

athtrasna

I am a size 8 but petite so not too thin. My friend's mum was a size 8 but taller and borderline scrawny. She got the flu. She had nothing to fight it with and it took her. Particularly in older people being too thin is dangerous. High cholesterol is dangerous, malnutrition is dangerous. Sounds like a dietician would be an important step to help her.

Rubberchikken

some people are too pass remarkable. your mom will have to learn to ignore them.
talk to her. tell her she's great to have set out to lower her risks of skrokes etc, and that maybe next time she's at the gp's she could just ask if her diet is as good as it could be.

cookiexx

Your mother may well be suffering from malnutrition with that kind of diet and that amount of exercise.

My worry would not be that she's 'too thin' but that in fighting her cholesterol, she has deprived herself of proper nutrition and is now at the other end of the spectrum. This was probably done out of compete ignorance - not realizing that losing weight does not mean eating the bare minimum and exercising like a lunatic - there are actually healthy ways to lose weight and eat as much (or more) than you did before, as long as you're eating the right foods (fruit, vegetables, legumes, lean protein etc)

This is dangerous for ANYONE, but at your mother's age, it really is to play with fire - it puts her at risk of osteoporosis, injury at the gym or elsewhere, weak immune system, chronic lung problems, heart problems etc.

I think if I were you I'd start researching good dieticians in your area and book an appointment with someone who will be able to personalize a meal plan for her, taking account of her age, activity level and her calorific needs.

StormWarrior

Or if a dietician would be expensive or difficult to get to, why not get a book about how to lose weight safely? Joel Fuhrman and John McDougall have some good ones. where did she come up with her diet anyway? Did she make it up herself, or was it something like weight watchers where you can eat any rubbish you want as long as you stick to your points?

FurBabyMomma

It's hard to know whether she is too skinny or just right, but as others have said I'd be seriously concerned about the lack of vitamins and minerals in her diet, particularly calcium as she ages. Also the amount she is working out is excessive - three times a day is a lot of pressure to be putting your body under. I think she needs guidance from a professional about how to keep healthy rather than thin before she develops a disorder.

Teyla Emmagan

You can't be afraid of speaking to your Mum OP. It sounds like everyone feels she's become very thin, and although I am no dietician, her diet doesn't look great to me. She's shown incredible will power in tackling her cholesterol, and should be commended for that, but it does sound like she's taken it a bit too far. She needs to focus on 'eating well', rather than 'losing weight' now. Is there anyone living at home now? She doesn't sound like she's cooking much. Could you encourage her to start cooking more? Lots of home made soups and stews and good hearty stuff. She could do a few big meals a week and then freeze the rest of it so there's always something decent to eat in the house (two rashers is not a decent dinner).

Most of all you need to be able to talk to her, even a very simple "Mam I love you and I think you look great, but you could do with putting on a few pounds, I don't think being this thin suits you". Some people are naturally tiny, but those who aren't and lose weight don't tend to look too well, it doesn't suit their frame. Sometimes we really need the people who love us to tell us the truth, even if our feelings are bruised for a few minutes. Your mother needs to be eating properly to keep her immune system up and to protect herself from future illness/the travails of old age. You will find a way to say the right words.

Mick Murdock

I don't know about her being too thin but she certainly isn't healthy eating a diet like that. All too often, people mistake being thin with being healthy. Her diet sounds atrocious. Little to no nutrition at all. I'd certainly talk to her about that.


This is coming from someone who has been obese in the past. She'll run herself into the ground just as easily but not eating enough good food.