self help for how to be witty and funny

aidanki

Im a bit of a shy boy and it has always held me back, partially because I was happy alone, but now I want to change and spend time with people

Im a bit embarrased by how quite I am, and have v little to say, Im going meeting a friend later and TBH im nervous wondering how im going to keep talking to him for a few hours, any books or anything like that which I should read as Im hopeless

I also feel like a fool that I didn't do something about this 10years ago, im 33 now

alcohol doesn't oil me up either

R.D. aka MR.D

I don't think you can read a book and suddenly become witty or funny.

If you worry about having things to talk about then the easiest thing is to talk about the other person. Ask them questions, most people love talking about themselves.

Then maybe current affairs or sports?

Do you have interests? Talk about those...
Talk about your friend's interests.

I'm sure there are books that teach you how to have better conversations.

Rubberchikken

If you know what there interests are, ask them open questions.

No one can suddenly become funny. The best thing to do is to be yourself, relax and enjoy the evening.

Maybe make it a decision for the new year to try to speak up a bit more in company. But at the end of the day, your friends like you for yourself so only change to make youeself happier.

Have a great evening

Littlekittylou

aidanki wrote: »

Im a bit of a shy boy and it has always held me back, partially because I was happy alone, but now I want to change and spend time with people

Im a bit embarrased by how quite I am, and have v little to say, Im going meeting a friend later and TBH im nervous wondering how im going to keep talking to him for a few hours, any books or anything like that which I should read as Im hopeless

I also feel like a fool that I didn't do something about this 10years ago, im 33 now

alcohol doesn't oil me up either

Laugh and laugh and laugh.

Be silly ... it's about laughing as much as making others laugh. Try improv.

The trick is to admit you are human and not worry because that in fact is the funniest thing you can do. Why do we laugh at toilet humour? Because we look like twats on the loo.

The fact that you are hopeless at being funny is actually endearing and kind of funny. It's disarming. When we admit our imperfections people feel more comfortable with us. Accept the imperfections of others. It's that crucial stuff that is so funny.

Or just steal other peoples jokes whatever works for you. :-)

I went to drama school full time after a year of doing a pretty cerebral degree course. There was a lot of improv. It was a bit of a mind melt in the best possible way.
Tell him you find it hard. The other person can help you out. It's a convo challenge. It's trying to keep the rally going. Keepy uppy between too people.

Really improv is so much fun even with mates. And you end up coming out with so much twisted stuff.

You sound like a really nice person actually from your vibes. You know your friend likes you as you are. Just you your unique. So even as you are you're great ! :-)

But if you feel like giving it a try remember it's keepy uppy....for 2

Tell about this thread and the replies you got. That's a start. You can laugh at all our bad advice :-)

Have a good time!

AckwelFoley

Just be yourself. You do need to spend time with people as much as you can and you will in time find a form of comfort with being able to be more extravert. Trying to read a book and be funny just for the sake of it won't work and it's not you. Just be yourself. The right people will eventually gravitate toward you for who you are and not what you wish you were

monkeysnapper

Defo tell this person what your telling us , the one thing that's the most annoying is thinking somebody is quiet with you because they think your a prat .

I had a chance to be with a girl years ago because I was to shy , then one night we kissed in a nightclub and she gave me all the signs she wanted more, I'm talking relationship , maybe meet up , cinema , I just didn't have courage to talk , speak up , she ended up thinking I thought she was a fool ,

I missed out . I'll always have that regret .

GalwayGuitar

Maybe you could watch loads of comedy shows or something? I don't know, some people are just naturally sharp and witty, I don't think it can be learned, definitely not from a book.

From your post it sounds like you have trouble even making conversation. If that's the case watch the news, develop an interest in films, music etc. If all you can talk about is football, you're probably going to come off as a boring person.

porsche boy

there is a book out that was written some 60 or so yeaes ago called 'How to win friends and influence people'. its written by a bloke called Dale Carnege and it's very good. you should look for it in easons or the like, the stuff in there is as applicable now as it was when it was written

Buona Fortuna

+1 on the Dale Carnegie

As others have said ask your friend about himself, his hobbies, job, etc.

Try and use open questions that will get them talking.

"Tell me how you train to run a marathon?"

Rather than

"Is it difficult to run a marathon?"

Interestingly a lot of comedians initially used humour and jokes to get over shyness in their youth.

Wish you well OP.

aidanki

Littlekittylou wrote: »

Laugh and laugh and laugh.

Be silly ... it's about laughing as much as making others laugh. Try improv.

The trick is to admit you are human and not worry because that in fact is the funniest thing you can do. Why do we laugh at toilet humour? Because we look like twats on the loo.

The fact that you are hopeless at being funny is actually endearing and kind of funny. It's disarming. When we admit our imperfections people feel more comfortable with us. Accept the imperfections of others. It's that crucial stuff that is so funny.

Or just steal other peoples jokes whatever works for you. :-)

I went to drama school full time after a year of doing a pretty cerebral degree course. There was a lot of improv. It was a bit of a mind melt in the best possible way.
Tell him you find it hard. The other person can help you out. It's a convo challenge. It's trying to keep the rally going. Keepy uppy between too people.

Really improv is so much fun even with mates. And you end up coming out with so much twisted stuff.

You sound like a really nice person actually from your vibes. You know your friend likes you as you are. Just you your unique. So even as you are you're great ! :-)

But if you feel like giving it a try remember it's keepy uppy....for 2

Tell about this thread and the replies you got. That's a start. You can laugh at all our bad advice :-)

Have a good time!

thanks to everyone that replied, last night went ok

tell me more about the drama school thing, sounds like something that might be useful to me, what gave you the kick up the ass to go to that if you don't mind me asking

on books they are great in theory, I mean if you want to look up the answer to a complex problem you go to a library, the dale carnegy is a book I am actually going to look out for Ill read it it can't hurt, but ill pose a question, can someone give me one example of something they read in a book that they actually used as a soft skill

Buona Fortuna

Hi aidanki,

Its a good while since I listened to Dale C. but one of the "big ideas", is this.

Forgive my paraphrasing. During any negotion, say I want us to go to the cinema. When I try and convince you and use reasons why it would be better for me, I use reasons why it would be better for you.

Not sure that worked so well, but rather than "me, me me". Its more "you'll see that film you missed first time round"; "you won't get a hangover like you would if ..."

Hope that helps, though like I say it has been a good few years.

zoobizoo

aidanki wrote: »

ill pose a question, can someone give me one example of something they read in a book that they actually used as a soft skill

I think that we all pick up different things from different books - those things which are most pertinent to us.

The way I found to be more interesting was to be more "interested". As in, if I want to get along with someone I'll make an effort to be interested in them, their job etc.

Also, the more interests I have, the more people can ask me about.

We click better with people who are more like us so don't be disheartened if your new found techniques don't work on every one. I know a few people who just aren't that interested in other people - I gave up on trying to get on better with them as it wasn't getting me anywhere.

Littlekittylou

aidanki wrote: »

t

tell me more about the drama school thing, sounds like something that might be useful to me, what gave you the kick up the ass to go to that if you don't mind me asking

It wasn't really like that. I had not really an issue of shyness. You know it's not that I would be better at talking than yourself it's simply I don't worry about it so much. So maybe you are being hard on yourself. It's ok not to be a chatty Kathy all the time.

As for the Drama school. I had experience with amateur dramatics in Uni in one of the societies. I was doing a philosophy degree. I had done a couple of workshops etc. So when I graduated I thought well everyone is now traveling for a year or whatever why don't i do this I enjoy it. And even if it is only a part-time thing to whatever at least I have a bit of background. So I did a full time course for a year. But you don't have to it full time a class once a week or a drama group would maybe suit better. Or even a workshop. They can be a day or so. Start off with mime lol :-) ;-) Kidding sorry.

But you are put in situations where you have to say stuff off the top of your head. And not just you but everyone. And you are pulling for them to do well and they are pulling for you and you are all in it together. And you start to see conversation differently. Because you have to keep the ball up between you. You start watching and listening and thinking about what they say and then you say what you think about what they say. Or ask them about what they think about what they say.How do you feel about this person what can you tell about them? Can you talk about what you can tell about them?

For me I auditioned with a monologue from Antigone. It's a Greek tragedy I love the arts and theater that's why I did it. I didn't really need a kick up the ass I just liked it.

But you do a lot of games in workshops to do with improv skills they can be useful and fun. But it's not for everyone.

blatantrereg

You don't need to be witty or funny. These aren't required for being enjoyable company. A lot of shy people are shy because they feel excessive pressure to impress socially. The biggest step in overcoming shyness can be simply realising that impressing people is unnecessary.

aidanki

Littlekittylou wrote: »

It wasn't really like that. I had not really an issue of shyness. You know it's not that I would be better at talking than yourself it's simply I don't worry about it so much. So maybe you are being hard on yourself. It's ok not to be a chatty Kathy all the time.

As for the Drama school. I had experience with amateur dramatics in Uni in one of the societies. I was doing a philosophy degree. I had done a couple of workshops etc. So when I graduated I thought well everyone is now traveling for a year or whatever why don't i do this I enjoy it. And even if it is only a part-time thing to whatever at least I have a bit of background. So I did a full time course for a year. But you don't have to it full time a class once a week or a drama group would maybe suit better. Or even a workshop. They can be a day or so. Start off with mime lol :-) ;-) Kidding sorry.

But you are put in situations where you have to say stuff off the top of your head. And not just you but everyone. And you are pulling for them to do well and they are pulling for you and you are all in it together. And you start to see conversation differently. Because you have to keep the ball up between you. You start watching and listening and thinking about what they say and then you say what you think about what they say. Or ask them about what they think about what they say.How do you feel about this person what can you tell about them? Can you talk about what you can tell about them?

For me I auditioned with a monologue from Antigone. It's a Greek tragedy I love the arts and theater that's why I did it. I didn't really need a kick up the ass I just liked it.

But you do a lot of games in workshops to do with improv skills they can be useful and fun. But it's not for everyone.

that sounds like what I need, put in situations where u have to keep the ball moving

Est28

Hi OP,
I have the same type of personality but got out of my shell over the years.

Long story short, it's nothing but practice. Talk to more people, everywhere, make small talk... people will talk back even if it's just a hello or a little comment here and there like when you're paying for something. They only way to get more chatty is to just do it more and it becomes more natural... like the first time you drive a car! Nervous at first but you just keep doing it until it's natural... same as anything really.

A few things to keep in mind which, at least, helped me:
- You don't need to be funny all the time. Actually I can think of one guy I know who's kind of a quiet type but instead of being able to hold good conversation with anyone, he has ahabit of making "witty" comments in conversations. To be honest, people I know kind of find it a turnoff when really the only thing he does is make comments at everything which come off, less funny, but sort of obnoxious.

- You can't have good conversation with everyone. And THAT'S FINE! See I used to think if I couldn't find anything to make good conversation with someone, then it was my fault. But I learned over the years, some people are shy or quiet themselves, or even if they are not maybe you just don't have a lot in common. So I stopped beating myself up about it when it happens.

- With guys at least, they get closer by taking the piss a bit. If you talk about the weather or something, you're ust acquaintances, but if you can kind of joke or fool around, its a bit more natural. You don't ahve to be a comedian, but just laugh or make light of silly things you see going on... or if someone says something silly, have a laugh about it instead of being afraid to say something they might not like... once they know you're joking around, they'll be cool with it.

dd972

aidanki wrote: »

Im a bit of a shy boy and it has always held me back, partially because I was happy alone, but now I want to change and spend time with people

Im a bit embarrased by how quite I am, and have v little to say, Im going meeting a friend later and TBH im nervous wondering how im going to keep talking to him for a few hours, any books or anything like that which I should read as Im hopeless

I also feel like a fool that I didn't do something about this 10years ago, im 33 now

alcohol doesn't oil me up either

The way some people speak in terms of their pitch, speech rhythms and flow naturally gives them the gift of prosody and being able to transmit being witty or effective communicators, a mate of mine has this and even though he laughs at all his own jokes, he still comes across as funny.

I could say the same things word-for-word as he does yet my low, quiet monotone voice kills any intended joke or laughs at the outset.