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Crap christmas cracker jokes

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  • 25-12-2014 9:16pm
    #1
    SharpshooterTom
    Registered Users Posts: 3,017 ✭✭✭


    So what lame Christmas cracker jokes did you have around your dinner today? Lets share some of them and see who's got the worst.

    What was the most popular cheese in biblical times?
    Cheeses of Nazareth!

    Whats an airline pilot's favourite crisp flavour?
    Plane

    Why did Rudolph have a dry, flaky skin condition that causes red irritable patches?
    Because he suffers from Xmas

    Who writes these things? Is this actually a professional job for some people?


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    #2
    JaseBelleVie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 936 ✭✭✭JaseBelleVie


    What illness do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

    Tinselitis


    What kind of fast food do polar bears eat?

    Iceburgers


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    #3
    toastedpickles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,607 ✭✭✭toastedpickles


    Whos the warmest athlete in winter?
    The long jumper

    What did the angry snowman say to the carrot?
    Get out of my face


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    #4
    Macavity.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,745 ✭✭✭Macavity.


    What do you call paper that likes music?

    Wrapping paper.


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    #5
    PhilBill
    Registered Users Posts: 105 ✭✭PhilBill


    What's white and goes up?

    A confused snowflake...

    I lol'd


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    #6
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,104 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    I love these. This would be my dream job.


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    #7
    DEFTLEFTHAND
    Registered Users Posts: 16,500 ✭✭✭✭DEFTLEFTHAND


    What do you feed a turkey at Christmas?

    Nothing he's already stuffed.


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    #8
    PhilBill
    Registered Users Posts: 105 ✭✭PhilBill


    There's about 50 of these jokes sitting on my kitchen table right now. The urge to go and get them is overcoming me. If I do you should be warned, they are Dunnes Stores cracker jokes and are hilariously woeful!


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    #9
    Cunning Alias
    Registered Users Posts: 782 ✭✭✭Cunning Alias


    Here is one I actually liked:

    How do you keep cool at a Football match?
    Sit beside a fan.


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    #10
    Molester Stallone II
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭Molester Stallone II


    What's the largest ant in the world?
    An elephANT!


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    #11
    Karl Stein
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,689 ✭✭✭Karl Stein


    Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, ‘I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.’ The waitress replies, I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?


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    #12
    PhilBill
    Registered Users Posts: 105 ✭✭PhilBill


    Karl Stein wrote: »
    Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, ‘I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.’ The waitress replies, I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?

    I'd sue.


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    #13
    ebbsy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,738 ✭✭✭ebbsy


    Do you know what drives me nuts ?

    The steering wheel in my trousers.


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    #14
    porsche boy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,560 ✭✭✭porsche boy


    What can go up a chimney down but not down a chimney up??*

    Actually stumped me this one...


    An umbrella

    *joke may not actually be funny


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    #15
    PhilBill
    Registered Users Posts: 105 ✭✭PhilBill


    ebbsy wrote: »
    Do you know what drives me nuts ?

    The steering wheel in my trousers.

    I'd 100% sue.


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    #16
    Karl Stein
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,689 ✭✭✭Karl Stein


    Q. What's red and invisible?

    A. No tomatoes.


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    #17
    toastedpickles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,607 ✭✭✭toastedpickles


    What does Miley Cyrus like to eat for Christmas?

    Twerky


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