Is this normal behaviour or a sign of some mental condition?

LegacyUser

My dads brother works for himself and runs what I can only call a serious business- the place is always mad busy. He works all hours in all kinds of weather 6 days a week.
He is single , never married, no kids, doesen't drink or smoke and just has to be extremely well off.I would be amazed if he is not a millionaire. To be fair he has always been very generous to all us nephews and nieces etc.for birthdays communion, confirmation etc.. He is quite outgoing and not at all mean - except to himself.
If you met him you would have to swear he was homeless. He dresses little better than a tramp, drives a clapped out banger, all his clothes even his good ones are years old .The house is like something from the 1950's and the telly (which he rarely looks at) is from the 1980's. No one ever calls to the house
I called this evening with a Christmas present and I was absolutely shocked , the house though clean enough was freezing and damp and he was eating a bowl of porridge ,which I suspect was his dinner. How can someone live like that and refuse to spend one penny on themselves or do you think it may be a sign of some sort of mental condition.
I want to be tactful but at this stage I feel I want to something about it before it gets completely ouy of hand.

SPM1959

It's a strange one indeed.

Depending on how close you are too him you should probably say something to him - suggest he treats himself etc.

porsche boy

This is how he has all this money. He scraps and saves and, to him, wealth is more important than luxury or fancy cars etc. Did he go through a perticularly bad time like the business nearly failing or was he poor as a kid? You'll find somewhere there is justification in his mind for his lack of spending on himself.

e.r

The owner of ikea drives a auld volvo and hes a billionaire

Meauldsegosha

Maybe your uncle is not materialistic and doesn't feel the need to surround himself with the latest expensive gadgets. By your own admission he doesn't watch much television, so why should he buy a more modern one. Likewise with his car, it gets him from a to b so he is happy enough. I think it is a bit of a stretch to assume he has a mental illness because he didn't turn the heat on today (it's mild today, I didn't put the heat on either) and is eating porridge (plenty of people have cereal for dinner, some days you just don't feel like cooking).

Leave the man alone and stop seeing problems where there isn't any.

marizpan

I used to think like you, that if a person had wealth, it would be visible.
Through work I meet a lot of clients and deal with their finances etc.

I now would see your uncle as more typical of a wealthy person, more so if he is over 60 yrs and single.
I have meet many clients with millions in the bank and who are very clever. But it would be easy to assume they were homeless by their appearance and spending habits. They don't value spending the money, they truly value the security of saving it.

dudara

It's possible that you're overlaying your perceptions of wealth into his lifestyle. Ultimately, as long as he is healthy and happy, why should you be concerned? What areas of his lifestyle are you concerned about
.

LegacyUser

Goin unreg for this.

OP you're uncles situation sounds identical to my father. He is also successful small business owner. Spends next to nothing on himself practically but is generous to a fault to us, his children, and absolutely spoils his grandchildren. His only real extravagance is the odd new book by a GAA personality. Otherwise he visits the library once a week. His home is very sparsely furnished. He doesn't even have a TV!!! Comes over to one of our houses to watch the matches with us if he fancies it. His customers/clients would be surprised to see how basically he lives. But like your uncle he is very outgoing and good craic.

Your uncle is far from unique OP and if he is happy in his life, be happy for him. I don't think it sounds like there is any need to worry and I really don't think it's a sign of any mental condition. Some people just aren't as dependent on material things like the rest of us. I for one could never live like that but I often wish I could.

StormWarrior

Lots of old people do this. I've read numerous stories in the paper over the years where some old biddy living in a council house died and left a fortune to their relatives and everyone was amazed as they thought the old one was poor. Maybe your uncle is saving it for you to inherit since he doesn't have any kids, better be nice to him in case! Anyway what kind of a solution do you want? A mental health team aren't going to section somebody for eating porridge for dinner and not buying new clothes every five minutes. There's nothing you can do about it and he isn't doing any harm.

mazdaminx

Did he seem happy eating his porridge? Does he seem happy in general? The most amazing people I've met sound like your uncle. I understand you're worried.

tomwaterford

it would appear he values building up his business.....so long as hes not running down his health etc its his money to spend as he wishes


he clearly enjoys making money rather than spending it....nothing wrong with that as such...why would he need to spend money on stuff he don't truly need/want

anyone ive ever seen to work/have lifestyle like that is never stressed/flustered in work as it is what they enjoy doing it.....it is a very common occurance amonst some older type farmers.....enjoy building up/improving there business above personal luxuries

Ken.

Maybe he's the sane one and we're all mental for our live for the minute,fly by the seat of your pants lifestyles.

dellas1979

StormWarrior wrote: »

A mental health team aren't going to section somebody for eating porridge for dinner and not buying new clothes every five minutes. There's nothing you can do about it and he isn't doing any harm.

I lol'ed at this.

OP (as said above) did it ever occur to you there isnt anything "wrong" only how you are looking at it?

As in, you are sort of (mildly, at this stage) forcing what you think is normal.

I think its weird people buying clothes/things all the time, and people (at christmas time) queuing up isles in supermarkets with trollies over loaded. That worries me far more. But no one questions that.

ColdTurkey

he'd probably feel unhappy if he went off spending lots of money on himself. He has his health and the money is there if he ever needs it

Stavro Mueller

OP I can understand your concern but you'd be better off staying out it. I've got a relative who lives a life very like what you've described. In his case his brothers and sisters tried to help out because they were worried about his living conditions. All that happened was that he fell out with them and as far as I know, they're only back on speaking terms now because they never got involved again.

It is possible that your uncle's living conditions may come against him at some stage but I'd consider that to be a bridge to cross when he comes to it. I know you mean well but I don't think he'd appreciate being told his lifestyle's wrong. I've lived long enough to realise that people see the world in very different ways. I know you mean well but look at it from his perspective. Nobody likes to have someone come along and criticise personal aspects of them. Especially when they've not asked for advice.

I'm sure your uncle's lifestyle has been discussed amongst his own brothers and sisters. If anyone was to talk to him, I'd have thought his own siblings would be the ones to do so. I bet if you had a quiet word with one of them, you'll get a lot of information...

MagicMarker

OP, why don't you ask your uncle why he doesn't spend money on himself?

shuffle65

He sounds like a brilliant, non materialistic, happy individual. I admire people like that, free thinkers who don't buy into having the latest car/gadget/latest fad in interior design etc. etc. I really don't think you have anything to worry about

TimeToShine

It's a sad state of affairs when we perceive a lack of hedonism and gluttony as a potential mental condition.

You said yourself he spends plenty on his nieces/nephews when the time arises. This in itself indicates to me that he is more secure with himself than most.

Magenta

I have an uncle who is a successful small business owner and he is the polar opposite.

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Constantly brags about how much money he has, how much his jacket cost, how much his most recent house cost.
Will then ask you all about how much your jacket cost, how much was your car, will always mention his cost more....
Everyone avoids him at family gatherings.... He cornered me last Christmas and spent a good 10 minutes showing me photos of the PAVING at his house and how expensive it was to get done.....

Trust me your uncle is far better off. The best things in life are free.

mikemac1

Worked in hotels for years and met many wealthy people and they'd be completely generous and outgoing like your uncle. Secure in who they are and didn't give a fook who saw them in that 12 year old car that looked a bit rough

The most ignorant customers were not the rich, it was those who thought they were rich. Dropping 5 figure sums in depreciation on a BMW X5 and ranting at a teenager over 10c on a pint :rolleyes:

Your uncle is happy in himself and as long as the house is warm and dry and he's not risking his health then good for him. He doesn't need expensive toys to keep him happy and he has his family and his community there for him

DoYouEvenLift

Sounds like he invests more money back into his business than wasting it on pointless materialistic items. Lots of successful people will fit a similar description to that in the op, however not as frugally to live with the heating off and the couple of other extremes.


A member of another forum said he used to be a waiter and an old guy walked in wearing baggy sweat pants, loose T-shirt and had a scruffy short beard. Generally looked like what the op described as a bum. Op didn't think he'd receive a decent tip, because he was a douche like lots of entitled waiters are in USA, and admitted to half assing and giving preference to other customers. After the man finished op said he paid by card but it was apparently some special 'black card' which he said is an invite only card used by millionaires. It's called a centurion card and the average cardholders income is $1mil. This is how I'd be if I was truly rich, would wear whatever is the most comfortable and give absolutely zero fuks about others perception of me and my lifestyle

Klingon Hamlet

Everything sounds grand except for the coldness. That stood out to me. Tell him you find it cold and ask him to turn up the heating. See how he reacts. He might simply be a hardy, frugal, content man. If he is happy, and causing no one any harm, then let him be.

greenfrogs

I wouldn't be concerned about whether his clothes, car and house furnishings aren't the newest. You say his house is clean enough and I am assuming he doesn't have personal hygiene issues. That to me would be the important part.

However you mentioned that his house is damp. That to me is a concern. Maybe you should point this out to him. As far as I know this could possibly lead to health problems. Also the eating porridge at dinner time may be a one off. He could be eating his dinner during the day. But at the same time I would maybe call at a similar time in future and see if he is cooking/eating properly for himself.

Edit: I would also discuss it with your father or siblings to see their opinion on the matter.