College/living at home issue

bleach94

Hi,

I have posted before regarding my doubts over my current college course but I feel really stuck in a rut at the moment. I am currently studying in second year in Cork, in a degree that I originally did have doubts about doing, but did anyway because I was, I suppose, afraid to leave home to go to college. Over the course of the first semester of second year, I have come to realise that I am very unhappy in college. I am from here, living at home about 15-20 minutes from the city, and I feel this has really held me back in terms of making friends etc. I have tried with clubs and societies, but ultimately am finding it too difficult as I always have to check up with parents, organise lifts etc.

Added to this, I am also unsure over whether my course is right for me. It is a good degree and would give me a great grounding for whatever I'd like to do, but the trouble is that I don't enjoy most aspects of it which has led me to become demotivated and disillusioned. I have been to counsellors, my doctor and recently a guidance counsellor. I just feel stuck in a rut here and I feel getting away somewhere else would make me a lot happier and help me meet people, see a new city, gain my own independence and do great things for my confidence. Am I being unrealistic here? At the moment I fear I have made a huge mistake not leaving home for college and I don't want to look back and wonder why I did nothing about it. We have to choose our placements for Erasmus after the holidays and I just feel overwhelmed at that when my doubts are so prominent and my head is so scattered.

LLMMML

Whether you would be more socially successful in Dublin, for example, kind of depends on whether the real reason you're struggling is the whole getting a lift thing. Why haven't you made friends from your course? Can't you get a bike instead of lifts? Why do you have to check in with your parents? Are you getting permission to go out? If there are other issues preventing you from making friends then Dubljn wouldn't be any better.

As for your college course, what is it you'd prefer to do? As in what is your fantasy course and why?

Nichololas

As someone who lived at home for most of College, I agree it makes it a bit harder to make friends, as you lose some of the camaraderie of living in student accomodation, bus trips home, or even just being out from under your family. A bit harder.

Two things stand out from your post; one is organising lifts home after a night out and two is whether you like your course or not.

1. You need to figure out if it's just because you don't like the course itself, or if your unhappiness with your social situation is colouring your experience of it. I was in a similar boat - lived at home and while I had friends about I had few in College and none in my course, which definitely makes the whole thing less fun and engaging. I was close to dropping out, thinking it was the course itself until I managed to turns things around by joining a good club and finding some people to hang around with in college.

2. Get a bike, lazy bones. If you're only 15-20 minutes from the city there's not really a good excuse. If you're not always disappearing off to your mother's car for a lift home on nights out there's more chance you'll get invited to kip on a couch somewhere, especially if you're on a bike and it's raining, etc. (Get a helmet and lights, especially if you're cycling at night unsober [/mothering])

Miaireland

I know you only live 15 - 20 mins away from the University but would you consider going into a house share for the next term.

I know when I was in college a few people did this. It might give you an idea whether you are unhappy due to living at home or is it the course.

iusedtoknow

I lived at home through college and had no issues with friends/social life. I lived 20 minutes from UCC and ALWAYS used the bus to get around - never had issues with nights out or anything (stayed at mates places the odd time)

TBH, my parents didn't really mind what I got up to as long I texted if I was staying out late or not coming home - and that was more about respect on my side than anything (in the same way you'd drop a text to a flat mate as an FYI)

Maybe you need to start looking at the dynamic you have with your folks and start changing that - i.e. not relying on them for lifts here and there etc. It could make all the difference