I'm a lonely loser

LegacyUser

This time of year tends to make my issues really hit me hard. Loneliness is a big problem for me and being an only child you'd think I'd be used to it. I was always shy growing up and was bullied a bit when I was younger but rarely ever did I feel really isolated. I've always had at least 1 or 2 friends. The problem is that this isn't enough for me.

I feel so sad when I see big groups of friends out in town doing the 12 pubs thing. Or when I see pictures on facebook of groups of 5-10 friends out having a meal together. I have rarely ever had anything like that. The one relationship I've been in, I got an insight into what a normal life would be like. Just big groups of friends going out and having a meal and a few drinks together.

My phone only ever goes off when i'm texting my mother or less often, one of my 2 friends. Anytime I go out it is with just 1 friend and we go to the same place all the time and just get sh*tfaced drunk. I've absolutely zero confidence so I never approach girls thus compounding my loneliness. The confidence was shattered when I seen a facebook post from my ex slagging off my looks. Then the odd time I'll get a comment on a night out from someone calling me ugly. Sometimes I'll get compliments but obviously the bad things stick in the memory.

I'm 25 now and for the last 10 years of my life, I've never really pushed myself to be in a situation that I meet new people. I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel this internal conflict between wanting to be alone and wanting to be extroverted with loads of friends. Like tonight for example, it's Saturday night. I'm single. I don't want to go out because I couldn't be bothered drinking but I feel sort of ashamed and a bit of a loser that i'm not getting ready to meet up with 5 or 6 people to go out and have a great night. Even travelling I have to do solo because I haven't got enough friends that share the same interest as me.

Instead of having a hectic weekly schedule full of sports or other hobbies, I just go to work, come home and stay in my room. Then I go out at the weekend and get p*ssed. Rinse and repeat. I feel there is no point in my existence sometimes. I'm not remotely suicidal but i'm wasting my life being constantly lonely sitting in front of a computer 80% of the time. It's painful and sad. I feel at my age everyone has made their lifelong friends so it'd be very difficult or next to impossible to make a solid group of new friends.

It just frustrates me so much that i'm so lonely yet i'm resigned to feeling this way. I just wish I was a normal person who had a decent amount of friends. Instead i'm a loser who'd rather be on his own a lot of the time while everyone else is out interacting and having fun. the last time I had a social hobby I was 15 years old. That's 10 years of pathetically wasting my life in front of a computer. I'm not even sure what advice i'm looking for but damn, loneliness hurts. What hurts more is feeling destined to be this way for good.

Rubberchikken

Take u a sport or hobby.
You have 2 friends, more than some.
Instead of getting totally drunk, could ypu go for a drink with a friend and just chat with girls. Get to know them as individuals.

You're not a loser, you just feel lonely compounded by comparing your life with others. Try to stop comparing what you do to what others say they do and live your life the best way you know how

sharkfox

Chin up dude.....
Nothing's gonna change if you don't make it happen. Try taking up a hobby, anything to get you out of the house for a while. It'll give you something to look forward to during the week and you'll get to meet new people...

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP.
When I saw the title of your thread - I just knew there would be a FB element to it. Stop comparing yourself to others, its unhealthy . People on FB put up a showcase world for everyone to see - its fiction.

Those 12 guys out on the lash probably work together or are in the gaa. Everyone is a buddy when they've had a drink. If that sort of thing is important to you, join the local gaa.

Look at taking up a hobby. Something like pottery is a great place to unwind and meet the fairer sex. If you're self concious the casual interactions at such a hobby will build your confidence. Its then easier to move to a "non-date date".

"Fancy a coffee/beer/burger after this."
"Fancy seeing this play/film/band. I'd like to go but don't really want to go alone."
"A mate can't use a ticket to XYZ. I'd like to see it but ....."


All the best OP.

seamusk84

Wouldn't worry about the amount of friends you have. I only have three real friends and generally speaking I only ever meet them individually as they don't mix. Better to have a small number of good friends.

I'd suggest some dating websites to get out there a bit. Going on some dates might really turn things around for you and give you an extra focus.

LegacyUser

seamusk84 wrote: »

Wouldn't worry about the amount of friends you have. I only have three real friends and generally speaking I only ever meet them individually as they don't mix. Better to have a small number of good friends.

I'd suggest some dating websites to get out there a bit. Going on some dates might really turn things around for you and give you an extra focus.

I've been on the online dating since since my last relationship ended a few years ago and honestly, it hasn't been for me. Most women I've talked to seem to be only on there for someone to briefly chat to without ever meeting up. I suppose part of it is my fault aswell because my confidence has taken such a hit that I avoid trying to meet up with people for dates.

LegacyUser

Hi, I do feel for you, theres nothing worse than lonliness. But, you do have the power to change it? So why are you wallowing in self pity? You're saying you dont have a normal life or weekly schedule that includes hobbies etc. So the only one to blame for that is you? What is stopping you from joining a hobbie, one hour per week. Soccer, sports, join a running club or hiking or whatever. The only reason all these people have friends is because they put themselves out there and get involved. Looks arent everything, its a persons attitude that makes them attractive sometimes, so you need to work on your confidence. Maybe join toastmasters or something. just push yourself to get out there and do things. Even if it starts with just one thing a week, the only person to change that is you.

Casualcontrol1

I can 100% empathise with you, I too have felt exactly as you are feeling now. But I do believe social media makes things a lot worse. The big question you have to ask yourself is, if Facebook wasn't around and you weren't seeing people out for dinner 12 pubs etc would you still feel the same? Because I know I wouldn't. I learned to accept that that is who I was and I didn't care what they done the main thing was I was happy. Because at the end of the day no one really gives a toss who you were out with the night before. This is my view though I don't know do you share the same. Why don't you and your mate go out some night and just have a few get merry and mingle with the crowd, you could meet some great friends or drinking buddies that way. Best of luck op and happy christmas

Casualcontrol1

I can 100% empathise with you, I too have felt exactly as you are feeling now. But I do believe social media makes things a lot worse. The big question you have to ask yourself is, if Facebook wasn't around and you weren't seeing people out for dinner 12 pubs etc would you still feel the same? Because I know I wouldn't. I learned to accept that that is who I was and I didn't care what they done the main thing was I was happy. Because at the end of the day no one really gives a toss who you were out with the night before. This is my view though I don't know do you share the same. Why don't you and your mate go out some night and just have a few get merry and mingle with the crowd, you could meet some great friends or drinking buddies that way. Best of luck op and happy christmas

Rubberchikken

don't be put off by the women you have met on dating sites so far. i doubt if all of them are after only one thing.
try to meet women in real life too. it's probably not as easy but might be far more fun in the long run.

Saipanne

Try meet up.com. its a great way for strangers to meet and make friends.