Lack of friends becoming problematic

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Was wondering if anyone's been in this predicament before (much)?

(This is a bit longer than I had anticipated, sorry..)



Pretty much, I left school early (and as a result, lost touch with the very few school friends I'd have had). Never went back to education and floundered around on Social Welfare for a long time (7-8 years).

In that time, I became very depressed and had more than my fair share of Social Anxiety issues. You literally couldn't pay me to cross the front door.

I'd say for the best part of 8 years I never really went out, never really worked (unless it was informal once-off type work, with immediate family (brother/dad) but even that'd have been extremely rare).



Anyway, over the past, say.. 2-3 years, I've been slowly "coming out of my shell", so to speak. I'm slightly getting over the depression. I still have pretty strong bouts of it, but they're lessening as time goes on.

I started doing a bit of photography work and this forced me to be around people a lot more often (in small bursts). This was very tough for me to do initially, but it has helped me be around people a lot. The problem there (there always has to be a problem! :rolleyes: :P ) is that now I tend to hinge on the camera a lot.

For example, if I'm invited to a house party to take a few photos, I'll be there. I'll show up, spend 20-30 minutes taking photos, making small talk and then away out the door with my with my excuses of where I have to be (even if I've nowhere to be).

Invite me to the same party without the camera, and I just won't go. I can't interact with people unless I feel i have a purpose. I know that with the camera in my hand I'll get the same comments and questions off people over and over. ("What camera is that?", "My uncle/brother/etc. is a photographer for XYZ", "Can you tell me how to do ABC on my camera?", etc.).

If I don't have the camera, i don't know how to talk to people or interact with them (the camera ismy chosen tool of deflection, pretty much).


Thing is; i've kinda come to accept that. I can't talk to people. And that's okay with me (for the most part).


My issue is that it's affecting every aspect of my life. As a general loner I find boredom sets in a lot and this brings with it, my little bouts of depression. I find myself doing random things to pass time.

For example, last night I went around my town and delivered 9 big pizzas to people. I gave some to the Garda station, some to the Fire Station, some to the local paramedics, the local river rescue crowd and then what i had left over (2 pizzas) i went around the place offering slices to taxi drivers and bouncers.
(this initially started off as me just trying to do something nice for people that I feel have tough public-facing jobs at christmas).

But I also did it because it kept me busy. My choice was that or go home and sit staring at Boards all night (and good as boards is, it's not a replacement for life in general.. or at least I don't want it to be anymore).



So I find myself with nothing to do and nowhere to go, as activities usually involve more than one person. I get a bit lonely (sad as it sounds) and as much as I'd never begrudge anyone who has things better than me, the Christmas theme in the background doesn't help (look at those bastards having fun!! Who do they think they are, being happy?! :mad: ).


As someone who never really drinks (started when I was 21, and even at that, I'd only really drink once or twice a year), I've taken to getting drunk a lot more, lately. Just sitting around the house, I've started polishing off a few bottles of Jameson over the past couple of weeks. Not going mad overboard (probably less than most would drink casually) but it's a slippery slope and not one I'm keen on (but it's easy to say that.. harder to say no when you've nothing else on and it helps pass time..)

I find the boredom is stifling any progress I've been making in trying to overcome anxiety/depression issues. Effectively I can see myself falling back into my old 'never leaving the house' routine and becoming more and more anxious in general. But despite the fact that I can kinda see this happening, I feel like I can't really prevent it.


So in short, I was wondering if anyone has ever kinda been through this and settled in with a group of real friends in the end? Does it work out in real life or is the old lonely life one that I just kind of have to learn to adapt to?

(as an aside, when people see me in day-to-day life, I'm generally a happy/upbeat person, not exactly Mr Doom and Gloom).


Sorry for the overly lengthy post, hope it makes some sense . Just trying to fish out people's thoughts or opinions.


Cheers ladies and gents

Rubberchikken

I bet to others you look confident, capable and kind.
You take photos professionally, which always impresses.
You can show up to strangers places to do this in a confident manner which impresses.
You bought pizzas (nice touch) and distributed them toothers, that's impressive.

Cut back the alcohol when on your own.

You have gone from staying in home almosts full time to getting out there again. You should be very proud of what you've achieved so far.

Best of luck

ShortyGotLow

I would echo what the above poster said, and even go one step further saying try to avoid alcohol completely if you can. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and made a lot of improvements so continue down this track. Fair play to you on the pizza, that is one of the nicest ROKs I have heard of! Pizza ain't cheap! Good luck bro.

cloudatlas

For someone who says they don't like socializing delivering pizzas to organisations is a big thing that's fairly extroverted. It sounds like volunteering in a local business might do you the world of good if you like little acts of altruism.

meetup.com have some photography groups. Would you join one of those, at least then you will be going out with a purpose but meeting people at the same time?